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School run commitment for SDC

103 replies

Klagglie · 30/09/2025 08:48

I live with my DP and we have 2 DC each.

I’ve done my years of school runs for my own kids and they make their own way around now.

DP has his kids most of the school week and does his own school runs (or his parents do pick ups) so I’m not involved. I only have to do one evening pick up from a club once a week as it clashes with another club.

We both work full time so the SDC are either with grandparents or their mum on her days.

DP is looking at secondary schools in our catchment area and there is one very close, walking distance he isn’t keen on as not doing so well and doesn’t have full staff of teachers.

He likes the school further away that is in a traffic nightmare hot spot. I pointed out the traffic is notoriously awful in this location, which is in the opposite direction to his job, grandparents house and and asked what he was planning on doing to get the child back and forth. He said ‘the school bus’ and we looked it up and he’s seen it’s £100 a month which he is balking at, and now I feel under pressure to help with the school run. I suggested also looking at other closer schools but they have really fallen in love with this one (it’s in our catchment area).

It technically is on my way to work but I always avoid this area due to how bad the traffic is so I would have to purposely go there every day adding time to my journey.

I am in a senior management role and have different start times any time from 8am to 9am depending on what’s planned for my day or unexpected issue that can crop up I need to get into work ASAP, or end up on an early call logging on from home to sort out an issue. I can end up working late some evenings without notice, which allows me to be flexible with my start time, which sometimes I use as an opportunity to go to the gym in the mornings. I would entirely lose this freedom most of the week. As an aside, my employer doesn’t mind my flexible working approach, in fact it’s a perk of my job and trust based as I do not get paid any overtime or TOIL as part of my contract.

£100 is a lot to pay out a month so I see why he’s asking me to drop one of the DC off as this would save us money but he doesn’t HAVE to choose this school, and if he does I feel like that’s a him problem not my problem.

Am I being mean to my DP to expect him to sort this out? I don’t want to commit to 5 years of school runs I already did a decade of them

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Shinyandnew1 · 12/10/2025 11:25

I see why he’s asking me to drop one of the DC off

So he's actually asked you to do it, not hinting? And you have said no?

What has he said to that?

AC246 · 12/10/2025 12:27

RogerR4bbit · 10/10/2025 19:28

I would bet good money that one of the reasons that he “fell in love” with the school is because it’s near your work.

That means that even if he sorts the bus, every sick day, half day, teacher meeting, award assembly etc it’ll be “easier” for you to go to the school.

And it won’t be for five years, as the younger child will probably go where their older sibling goes, so it could be closer to ten.

I’d suggest telling your P that there’s talk of your work moving their office to X, the complete opposite direction of the school and see if his opinion of it changes then.

But it seems like you’re starting to get the measure of him already.

Great post and 100% the reason why you should in no way be involved in the schooling.
These are not your children.
They have two parents, both whom are lazy and would love to hand it over to you.

You have done this for your own children and know whats involved.
Every involvement would have you second guessing yourself, having to check back with the actual parents, and ultimately leave yourself open to criticism if you do anything wrong!

My friend married such a man and refused to have anything to do with their schooling.
They had two parents, she didn't have children and had zero interest in being involved in schooling matters when she was at work.

Despite this he put her number down as emergency years ago and when she was called first, ahead of both parents, they had such a row it nearly ended the relationship.

It never happened again I can tell you and she became absolutely militant with him.

So many men get into relationships to avoid parenting their own children.
The daily grind of lifts and traffic is not easy.
I will be delighted to finish them.

If you even hint that you will help or be involved you will be screwed over, I can guarantee it.

Boiled frog analogy and all that.

Be 100% clear, I did it for years for MY children, I am not being in any way involved in yours.

I suspect you are realising just what is ahead of you, start looking at housing.
He will sulk and be unpleasant with the hope it grinds you down.
Remember, he really doesn't want the headache of HIS children in the morning, so he is 100% invested in bullying you.

Don't be used.

TottenhamCake · 23/10/2025 12:49

I wouldnt even be getting involved in the conversation, it is his responsibility (and his exs) to make sure his child gets to and from school.

Don't offer, if asked just say no, and don't worry about it.. this is NOT your problem to fix

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