School run commitment for SDC

[Klagglie]

I live with my DP and we have 2 DC each.

I’ve done my years of school runs for my own kids and they make their own way around now.

DP has his kids most of the school week and does his own school runs (or his parents do pick ups) so I’m not involved. I only have to do one evening pick up from a club once a week as it clashes with another club.

We both work full time so the SDC are either with grandparents or their mum on her days.

DP is looking at secondary schools in our catchment area and there is one very close, walking distance he isn’t keen on as not doing so well and doesn’t have full staff of teachers.

He likes the school further away that is in a traffic nightmare hot spot. I pointed out the traffic is notoriously awful in this location, which is in the opposite direction to his job, grandparents house and and asked what he was planning on doing to get the child back and forth. He said ‘the school bus’ and we looked it up and he’s seen it’s £100 a month which he is balking at, and now I feel under pressure to help with the school run. I suggested also looking at other closer schools but they have really fallen in love with this one (it’s in our catchment area).

It technically is on my way to work but I always avoid this area due to how bad the traffic is so I would have to purposely go there every day adding time to my journey.

I am in a senior management role and have different start times any time from 8am to 9am depending on what’s planned for my day or unexpected issue that can crop up I need to get into work ASAP, or end up on an early call logging on from home to sort out an issue. I can end up working late some evenings without notice, which allows me to be flexible with my start time, which sometimes I use as an opportunity to go to the gym in the mornings. I would entirely lose this freedom most of the week. As an aside, my employer doesn’t mind my flexible working approach, in fact it’s a perk of my job and trust based as I do not get paid any overtime or TOIL as part of my contract.

£100 is a lot to pay out a month so I see why he’s asking me to drop one of the DC off as this would save us money but he doesn’t HAVE to choose this school, and if he does I feel like that’s a him problem not my problem.

Am I being mean to my DP to expect him to sort this out? I don’t want to commit to 5 years of school runs I already did a decade of them

Well then he pays £100 a month then if he cant be arsed to stand up to his ex.

Pay for the school bus.

Secondary school children don’t really get driven to and from school by parents unless in isolated bus free areas. The independence is good for them.

Your DP has no business basing his school preferences on an assumption that you will take on this considerable commitment.

Is there not a normal bus service bus? Is that cheaper?

From the way you describe your job it clearly isn’t actually possible to do the morning run with any reliability.

How would he get back home from school?

£2 each way on the bus? Would that really be more than your combined petrol and time? £100 a month seems very reasonable to me and I think your husband is a bit mean for not paying it and expecting you to sort it out instead. Maybe you need to stand up to him the way you feel he should stand up to his ex?

I won’t be driving my own children to secondary school and certainly wouldn’t for step children either. It’s either school bus or their mum and dad drive them. I wouldn’t give it anymore head space

I think he pays the £100 a month. I'm not sure I'd even commit to that awkward, tricky school run vs work situation for my own DC and he's asking you to do this most days for his.

We loved a school for DS that we wouldn't have had free transport to. The bus is around £1000 a year for that school and we would have sucked it up and paid it for the independence and experience of it as well as the ease and work freedom for us. In the end, we opted for a closer school with free transport (for various reasons unrelated to the transport) but when we were weighing up the schools, I saw the potential £1000 a year transport as a fair price if we really thought that school was better.

Your time and flexibility are worth a lot more than £100 per month.

This is an absolute no-brainer. The only reason why he can't see this is because he is massively undervaluing the unpaid labour you would be providing. Men have a tendency to do this. It is one of their least attractive qualities.

My husband got a shock a few years ago when I had to attend a family funeral and he needed someone to sit with our DC until 8am and then take them to nursery so he could get to work. He was absolutely gobsmacked that getting in paid childcare to cover what was essentially 45 minutes cost us almost £100 - £60 in babysitting charges due to minimum booking requirements and almost £40 for a taxi round-trip to the nursery.

£100 per month = £25 a week = £5 a day. Which isn't cheap, but honestly I'd be skipping if my commute only cost a fiver. Surely the inconvenience to you should be worth more than £5 a day to him?

Tell him that you wouldn't consider that school for your kids because you need to be flexible towards your job, so why would you do it for his kids? Just say no. He pays 100 per month or he picks the school nearby.

It doesn’t matter on whether she would use it on her day, it’s an additional cost for her children and as your DP has higher custody she should surely be covering a higher proportion of the financial costs?

There is a public normal bus but I don’t think this would be any cheaper, or more reliable.

You cannot walk.

The school run transport is more reliable and picks and drops very close to our home, it’s a no brainer to me. SDC gets to school and back safely with less stress all for £100 a month. I don’t mind paying it but DP sees it as a waste of money and I’m technically going in that direction so basically in his mind, a free ride.

I can just get to work for 8.30am every day, I could make it work but that’s not the point I don’t want to. SDC messing me about making me late is an issue, I just don’t want to be tied down with the responsibilities.

I can’t pick them up unless they sit at school till 5.30pm, so surely they should just get the bus both ways. I’m going to be straight with DP it’s a no

I don’t mind paying it but DP sees it as a waste of money and I’m technically going in that direction so basically in his mind, a free ride.

Aah, the classic, "because a woman's time isn't as important" mindset.

I am in a senior management role and have different start times any time from 8am to 9am depending on what’s planned for my day or unexpected issue that can crop up I need to get into work ASAP, or end up on an early call logging on from home to sort out an issue.

Just tell him this. Straight. Senior Management Style.

And tell him if this school is so much better than the walkable schools it is well worth the investment of £100 a month.

But he does not get to invest YOUR time or compromise YOUR working week.

no money changes hands between them.

It used to be 70/30 to DP but it’s more towards 60/40 now but she gets more time when they aren’t at school and DP gets time when they are at school. Technically in his care longer in hours, but all at times when they are in school so he’s not with them. 😂 She’s pulled a blinder on him tbh as he gets lumbered with most of the school holidays as well

How can a parent be lumbered by his own kids. ?

yes the mother is probably taking the piss but your partner could have been more forceful about the agreement.

DP sees it as a waste of money and I’m technically going in that direction so basically in his mind, a free ride.

Correct him. He does not get to make his girlfriend provide labour for him, at huge inconvenience.

He needs to figure out things like this himself. Don't give it a moment of thought.

He isn’t lumbered with his own kids, he is lumbered with the majority of the childcare during holiday and now this issue of school transport. He works full time and doesn’t get 13 weeks of annual leave a year. This is his own fault for agreeing to this set up. She’s not taking the piss, she was more canny than him. She gets more quality time with her DC, less school runs and less costs towards it all (school dinners etc)

Totally on your side here
and think he need to just pay the 100£ a month it’s not even expensive really - a 5er a day?? surer even public transport would cost that!

but jumping in with she’s played a number on him, lumbering him with his own kids - wtf is that !!

he can do a cms claim if he feels she should be paying him some money for him having the kids a bit more

i don’t know why your trying to shift the lane over to her - she’s not choosing the school and she’s not asking you for the lift.

@Fupoffyagrasshole she is also choosing this school, however how they get there and back is only her problem once a week and she doesn’t need the transport. DP has to also pay most of the school meals too. She’s not at fault, DP agreed to this set up. I’m responding to anyone saying share the cost with the other parent. She won’t, she doesn’t need to.

Definitely not, being detrimental to your career, flexibility, fitness is not worth it for £100pm.

Let him get the school bus. Great for his confidence, independence, social time with peers, responsibility ( school bus won't wait!) and he can sneaky finish his homework on way to school too😂

Not your monkeys op, let him either cough up or sort it out himself. Do not get drawn into a thankless commitment that will drive you up the wall with resentment.

Your time and labour and freedom have value beyond 100 a month. Cheap entitled bastard.

Why isn't his ex paying child support if your other half has them most of the time? Paying for the bus is the least she could do.