Bedroom dilema and SD

[Sleepingbunny1]

Soooooo, please bear with me as this is a very new situation.

Ive just moved in with new partner, 3 bed house and 3 children between us.

None can share rooms, my DS 15 & DD 12 is SEN so needs her own space and we have now partners DD 13 to consider, at the beginning her mother said there is no way she will ever be allowed to stay with us, but now its all changed and we are due to have her one day in the week and every Fri or Sat nights at the weekend, but we have no spare sleeping spaces, she is also SEN, so i dont really want her using the master bedroom as she is very destructive and dosent really respect things that arent hers, or do we set up a camp bed or sofa bed in the front room for her.

This is all new and tricky to nagivate at the moment and i dont wish to upset anyone in these sleeping arrangements.

Have you just moved into his house, or have you bought a house together?

She needs to have her own space if she is SEN. You can't have one rule for your child and another for your partner's.

Did you buy/rent this house counting on her not staying over? She needs a space in the house. Could she share with your dd for the short time she's here? (Maybe in exchange for having a better room).
You must know a camp bed in the sitting room is not exactly going to make her feel like this is her home too.

I think you needed to consider his daughter in the first instance and should have brought a 4 bed house. My step kids only spend a few nights a month with us in total but we still ensured they have their own rooms. Do you have a rooms that you can divide? I don’t think it’s ideal to have her int he living room. Do you have a dining room or anything else downstairs?

I think of you moved into his house then this is a bigger problem because his child should take priority over yours , if you brought together then you need a rethink.

A partition in one of the rooms to make two? Maybe one that could be rolled back when she isn't staying

Is it a bought house or rented?
if bought can you do up the loft or put a partition in a room? Perhaps the dining room and make it a bedroom?

If rented you should look to getting a bigger house.

Bigger house or just date and live separately.

We are renting together and yes we do need to look for a 4 bed in the furture but that just wasnt a possiblity in the immediate instance.

Unfortuantly no room do divide any space and only one communinal area- kitchen, dining area and living area just open plan, i know the answer was just to find a 4 bed and i really wish we had of.

ETA Sorry, cross posted so I asked about rooms downstairs.

I think I'd just give her your bedroom when she stays and put away or remove anything that could be damaged.

I don't think it's an option for her to sleep in the living room it's unfair on her and how will you cope if she wants to go to bed and you are watching TV. You say she can't sleep in the master bedroom because she is destruction but won't she be equally destructive in the living room?
Is there some way you can divide your daughter's bedroom into two? I saw some good suggestions on here about using bunk beds as dividers would that work? I see you don't have a spare reception room you could turn into a bedroom but could you divide the open plan and make a bedroom either for you and your partner or your step daughter. It is important that she be made welcome as she will be with you a lot of the time and giving her a put you up in the living room will make her feel even more like an outsider

You have made provisions for your own dc and not considered the SD at all. I get that the circumstances may have changed but I can’t wrap my head around not factoring one child into the whole setup when purchasing a new home.

Even a tiny box room would have given her her own space. I don’t think sticking a SEN child of that age on the sofa is going to make her feel particularly welcome or comfortable. Maybe look at partitioning a room into two.

It might be worth talking to your landlord. They might have other properties. It's worth asking.

This, not exactly showing 'hey you're part of the family, here's a camp bed in the living room while everyone else gets a bedroom'
Actually quite poor show not to consider her when moving.

I hope you can afford the rent on your own.

He's shown you he's a shit father to his SEN child while you prioritised your own children only when moving in together.

His daughter's needs are just as important as yours. Give her your room when she stays and you and father of the year can sleep in the living room.

She needs a bedroom. You and your boyfriend should make the sacrifice as you're the ones who chose a house too small for the family.

In my opinion the answer was to keep separate houses for longer, especially given the SEN issues too.

So you’re renting a house together that you both knew didn’t have enough bedrooms to accommodate all the children? Wow.
Presume he lived in a house before this and his daughter had a bedroom?
She can’t sleep on a sofa bed downstairs! Would you be ok with your daughter doing that? The girls will have to share because you and your partner didn’t think this through properly.

Jesus, what sort of father would rent with his new gf and her kids and not make sure there is a room for his kid. I actually find that quite shocking. You will just have to give her your room when she stays and you and him can kip on the sofa and then either look to renting a place each or a bigger one together.

Really all you can do is drive her home before her bedtime .
She needs a decent place to sleep.
Her dad should have planned better. Any decent parent would automatically think about bedrooms. And not just say oh well she doesnt stay with me at the moment so I can sort that problem in the future.

Buy a room-divider bunk-bed ( https://funkybunkbeds.com/product/room-divider-bunk-bed ) and put it in the middle of the master bedroom and your 2 kids have that - each child has their own private space. You and DP share the 2nd largest bedroom, and DP's child has the smallest bedroom.

Your DP's child is just as much a part of the family as yours and if you can't live with that as truth then you need to split up and stay singke until your kids are grown.

What does her dad suggest? Presumably he wanted overnight contact so he should have thought about where she’d be sleeping.

She needs a bedroom.

you and your partner should sleep in the living room when she is there.

OP I have just looked at your previous threads - you hadn't even separated from your husband and children's father in June of this year?! And you've already moved your kids in with a new man and his child?!?!

Seriously?!

wtf