Do I implement NACHO?

[Butterfly1728]

My DH has 2 adult sons with whom I share their family home. They do things sometimes which I don’t understand, e.g. fill the kitchen sink and leave washing up in there (presumably for someone else to do), leave towels on floor in bedroom, leave empty pizza boxes in kitchen for days, etc.

Reasonable for me to adopt NACHO?

I don’t like leaving things but my DH runs a “relaxed” home and therefore things don’t bother him like they do me.

I can’t change how the house is “run” as it was that way long before I come along but it gets to me sometimes so rather than tidy up after them, shall I just leave it for DH to do??

Adopt NACHO?
Is NACHO a cleaning fairy, because if so I want to adopt them too.

You should not be their maid.

The question is why did you move in when you knew they lived like this?

Not a Chance in Hell, Otto?

Or something?

I didn’t until I moved in…

“Nacho” as in “nacho kid, nacho problem” apparently

What’s NACHO?? Anyway, you’ve moved into their home. I certainly wouldn’t be cleaning up after them, why should you? But if you can’t deal with how they live, maybe it’s best you don’t live with them?

Not your kids, not your problem, but said with “nacho kids, nacho problem” 😂

I guess I’ll turn a blind eye and keep myself to myself.

Thanks!

But they're not kids, they're grown ups in a shitty house-share. Don't be their maid.

Speak to your husband, surely them never doing dishes and leaving pizza boxes to rot for week for days goes beyond a relaxed household? I bet the place stinks of unwashed clothes, damp towels and greasy takeaway leftovers!! Do you have anywhere else to go? Are you prepared to continue on in these conditions?

It definitely doesn’t because DH and I clean up after them. The pizza boxes are mainly empty, they just CBA to take them outside to the bin!

Have you told them to get a grip and clean up their mess?

This is a partner issue not a step child issue.

You should be able to have a conversation with your partner and tell him that he needs to be the one putting rules in place and calling his kids out on things.

Raising lazy children leads to lazy adults.

Was it is shit tip when you visited ?

Does it impact you?

Does DH clean up after them if it does?

No, my DH husband doesn’t see it as a problem so I don’t say anything to them

Nope, I suspect DH tidied up after them. It’s never a “shit tip” because the mess is cleared up

I’d be moving out.

It doesn’t directly impact me, I guess I was bought up different to tidy up after myself

If it doesn't impact you then definitely ignore it.

You are going to meet people in life who were brought up with different values to you.

Well if I had someone running around after me I wouldn’t bother either. You can, and should stop it. Your DP can do as he pleases. I suspect it might become more of an issue going forward if it continues. Presumably you have moved from your own tidier house, with some house rules to this?

Are they adults as in older teenagers, or actual grown ups of 20 plus. If the latter, it’s a bigger problem isn’t it?

Isn’t the point more whether you want to live like this?
I wouldn’t, regardless of whether I’m cleaning up someone else’s mess or looking at it.

They are 27 and 29 (30 in Aug).
im thinking I’ll leave it to DH, his kids after all.

what are the time lines? Did you marry this man before you knew that you would have to live with 3 males in a flat share?

We’re moving out in 2027 (if the house sells!) and the adult “kids” have been told they need to get their own place (DH, not me)

You are the outsider. It’s their home. Everyone has different standards. You admit it’s not a shit tip, so if the pizza box bothers you, I would take it outside. I imagine if you bring this up you may get told ‘well if you don’t like it…’