Do I implement NACHO?

[Butterfly1728]

My DH has 2 adult sons with whom I share their family home. They do things sometimes which I don’t understand, e.g. fill the kitchen sink and leave washing up in there (presumably for someone else to do), leave towels on floor in bedroom, leave empty pizza boxes in kitchen for days, etc.

Reasonable for me to adopt NACHO?

I don’t like leaving things but my DH runs a “relaxed” home and therefore things don’t bother him like they do me.

I can’t change how the house is “run” as it was that way long before I come along but it gets to me sometimes so rather than tidy up after them, shall I just leave it for DH to do??

My golden rule for marriage is that if people don’t argue, someone isn’t getting their needs met.

You don’t live with stepchildren, you live with three grown men who live like pigs, while you seethe. It’s flatmates, not nacho. 2027 is a long time away.

Yes. I’m talking about when I lived with my parents.

Yes of course you don’t do it. If your dh wants to that’s on him.

Sounds like time for a family meeting! Doesn’t have to be confrontational-just a “Hey-can we talk about how this new arrangement is going? Everybody happy?” There must be things that have changed for everyone?

Have similar situation here. Drives me mad. I let DH clean up the mess and won’t do anything over and above for lazy adult kids

So you moved from your parents house to this, and have never lived on your own?

Before I moved in with my DH, I rented a room in a flat.

This!

So is it finances that are resulting for you op and @kissmyfatarsein living situations that are ‘driving you mad’ (your own words)?
no judgement by the way, the vast majority of the Uk currently can’t buy a house on one salary. It just might be easier to work out how best to navigate it if you can pinpoint the reason you continue to live there rather than on your own.

Not finances, waiting for the mortgage term to expire (3 years), which ends in Jan 2027.

Feel you on this, my DP's house it the same his adult kids do exactly the same never clean up after themselves leave rotting takeways everywhere to the point the place is alive with flies and my DP is relaxed about it, and he always clears up after them etc, this is the BIG reason why we dont live together and i also wont visit his house either, would drive me mad so its either suck it up or live separate. I dont say anything either leave it up to him, his choice to live like that

\oh for goodness sake just say "what do you say?" every time you put a meal under their nose.

How condescending

I don’t like leaving things but my DH runs a “relaxed” home and therefore things don’t bother him like they do me.

Running a relaxed home could easily be translated as 'doesn't bother to do any parenting.' NACHO-ing is ok in theory, but its very hard to turn a blind eye and not get involved when it impacts on you??

Just gets to me…

Food wasted…doesn’t seem to matter
Adult Son asks him to do something he could easily do himself…he obliges

like can literally do nothing wrong

The sons sound like rude fuckwits and your DH’s enabling would be a huge turn-off.

There’s no way I’d be waiting for a mortgage term to expire and living with this dynamic.

No financial reasons. I owned my own home before I lived with DH and was very fussy. Compromising is hard when you have to lower your standards or become a slave to it. I just leave his mess there. If anyone wants a tidier house then they pick it up. DH spends his time picking up after adult child and doing stuff for him. I won’t do it.

I could quite easily move out and buy my own home again but why would I want to throw my marriage away.

Why? Well because you’re not happy living there. But you don’t have to throw away your marriage, that’s dramatic. Its becoming more and more normal for couples to be together but live apart. Especially second marriages once both parties are established, independent but enjoy their own space too. It’s my personal ideal.

Im perfectly happy I just won’t pander to a lazy adult. I couldn’t live apart from DH it wouldn’t suit us all. Though I do get how this would work for a lot of people. We enjoy being together as much as possible so living apart while be unthinkable.

If you are married and living in that home, then you have every right to make it yours and make your expectations clear.

It sounds like they are three ‘bros’ living like students because they have no expectations upon them whatsoever. And I’m including your DH in that.

You need to assert yourself and say what is acceptable. You’re presumably of an age where living in a house share is not ideal. You are the woman of the house.

I’m sure the house will feel much nicer and more homely to them if you start implementing your rules.

I know it’ll be very difficult - but have a think how you could do it, possibly talking to them all nicely over a meal, discussing how you can make living together work for all of you.

I don’t think nacho has anything to do with this situation. It’s not really a parenting issue- as they’re all adults. It’s just you setting out that you’re now the wife living in the house. Lots of benefits come with that- but you have expectations of your new family and it’s important to all discuss that together.

don’t think you need to hideaway- that you need to just slip on and not disrupt anything.

you’re now a very important person in this house and they will all benefit from having you there.

Lol