I have been with my partner for 4 years. He has 2 boys (11 and 12) who live with us on a 50:50 basis.
I have a very good relationship with both of my stepsons however I go above and beyond for them, to the point where they come to me over their dad for their basic needs to be met. I do the washing, cooking, cleaning, take then to school and pick up from school. I WFH and this arrangement has led to the children coming back to our house at approximately 3:30pm every day during our time that we have them. The youngest is conscientious and understands that I have to work until 5pm. The oldest thinks nothing of constantly interrupting me and seeking attention before I clock off for the evening.
Why do I do this you ask? Because my darling partner does not have the same levels of flexibility that I do work wise. He works a job with very unsociable hours and has a completely unreasonable boss who does not allow him to take time off without a silly amount of notice due to the nature of the job. Anyway.
The summer holidays are fast approaching. As has been the case for the past few years, I am filled with dread at the prospect of having to be the primary caregiver for the children during the three weeks that we have them. I do not plan on taking a lot of time off of work or spending a lot of money entertaining the children. I had an intense argument with my partner last night over upcoming arrangements. He is changing jobs in October and has just under two weeks of annual leave to use before then. His plan was to take those two weeks off at the end of September so that he can go into his new job feeling refreshed due to the demands of his current job. He only anticipated taking a couple of days off over the three weeks that we have the kids over summer to look after his own children, with the rest of the time to be split between me and his mum. When I calmly explained to him that it would be much better for everyone if he took more time off over the holidays, he royally lost his shit and gave extreme solutions such as he will use all of his holiday to look after the children as I clearly do not want to look after them at all. He cannot comprehend the pressure that he puts me under when it is our week to have the children - when I asked him to try and put himself in my shoes to understand why I might feel as resentful as I do, he said he was incapable of doing so as he is not in my position and so physically cannot comprehend the situation.
i understand that we are a family. I love the children. I am a natural carer and have taken to being a step-parent much more naturally than I ever thought was possibles I am however at the end of my fucking tether with explaining to my partner that if he wants to have his children 50:50, he needs to step up and stop using work as a get out clause. Why is it so hard for some men to actually parent? Comments welcome