Step-Grandparents - what are we calling them?

[zionma]

My son is almost two years old and is very loved. He has my husbands mum and dad in his life. He also has my parents, both of which remarried when I was 22. So I’m not that close to my step dad or step mum. When I refer to them to my son I just use their names because that’s what feels comfortable but I’m getting the sense my step mum wishes to be more but thinks I’m not up for that. I know if my son called my step mum “grandma” or whatever my mum would be put out. I hate all the politics and wish I didn’t have to deal with it. Is that selfish? I just wondered what other people do.

We use their first name.

I was also around the same age when my parents divorced and re-married. My children call their step-grandparents the same as they call their biological grandparents. Now my children are a little older, they know who my parents are and that they have remarried, but they love and treat all their grandparents equally whether biological or not.

Grandma FirstName and Grandad FirstName.

First names is what I will expect, my dsd calls me my name (she was 19 when we met)

This.

Can you use another name too so if MIL is Grandma, and your mum is Nanny, then step mum is say Granny Mary?

Whatever your comfortable with. My mum got a new partner 3 years before I had DC. They are not my step parent, but they are "Grandad' to my DC. For all intents and purposes they are a grandparent to my DC, they care for them and take interest in them like a grandparent. The name doesn't really matter, it's the relationship they have that is important and I couldn't waste time pushing someone out over a name.

If you called your step parents mum or dad then granny and grandpa the norm if you called them by their 1st name then normally it's the same with your dc. Basically it depends on the relationship you have/had with your step parents

DS1 called my FIL (his stepdads Dad) Grandad surname. He was in his life from 2 years old until he died when DS1 was 17.

MIL is DH’s stepmum, she’s always been known by her first name. DH wouldn’t have given her a grandparent role name, she became his SM in his late 20’s so they weren’t close.

DH is hoping that when DS1 has children, he will have a grandparent name as he’ll regard them as his grandchildren (like he regards DS as his son), but he won’t push it if DS doesn’t want it

I think first names
They already have 4 grandparents
The ‘steps’ are not grandparents and I don’t see the point of pretending they are

Not the same but my husband was adopted and is now in touch with his birth family. His proper mum (adopter) is Nanny and his other mum (birth) was nanny to her grandchildren so our children call her nanny [first name]. The number 1 nanny has to be the actual mum I think but it's fine to also call someone else nanny just like when I was growing up we called our mums friends auntie [name]

I’m nanny first name - same as SD mum. I get on really well with her and she was the one who said she was excited for us both to be called nanny, which was incredibly kind and lovely of her.

I called my grandpa and step-grandpa Grandpa <firstname> and Grandpa <firstname>.

I think it depends on your family set up. If you're happy with the children calling them by their first name that's fine.

My girls call MIL Grammy, the same as her biological grandchildren do, but she is a grandmother to them, has been since they were 4 and they're now mid-20s.

DH's first MIL, who calls herself my Other-MIL, is Nana to DS1 who is her only biological grandchild and Nana Sarah to my girls and DH & I's shared children.

MIL lives with us and OMIL is a huge part of our life so it works for us.

We called my dad’s step dad uncle John. I never understood when I was younger why it wasn’t grampy/pops.

My kids call my husband’s step-dad Grandad. Despite the fact he married my mother-in-law years after my husband had left home, so has never been a father figure to my husband, he was so excited when I was pregnant and so keen to be a grandparent that it just felt natural for them to call him Grandad. He’s so involved and utterly adores them that no one would guess he wasn’t a blood relative.

I think whatever you want to do is fine. There are many variations of names of grandparents that your step mum doesn’t have to have the same name as your mum. I get that your mum might still be a bit miffed but perhaps have a conversation with her and talk it through? Personally I would feel that if my step mum was wishing to take an active role in my child’s life, loved them and cared for them and had shown an interest in being called a ‘grandparent’s’ name then I couldn’t see any issue with it. After all, surely the more family / love the better?!

I do get that family politics are hard though.

I came into my stepsons life when he was 30, 10 years later he's a Dad twice over and I'm Granny to the kids.
His mum and her mum all have chosen different monikers, but I didn't ask for the title, it was offered and I took what I was given.

First name

my child was old enough to know and love her grandmother. After she died and grandpa got a girlfriend, the first thing dd asked me was if she was going to have to call the girlfriend grandma. She felt very strongly against that, which was good because so did I.

My parents are grandma and grandad and my partners mum is nana and his step-dad is grandad. His step-dad came into his life when he was a teenager though so that might have made a difference 🤔 They asked if they could be called what they’re called as that’s what they already were to his brothers children but I just let them and my partner decide as they’re his family. I assume that our child will be told who is who when they’re older but I think as long as you’re happy with it then it’s fine

The most confusing thing about my partners family is that they say nana first name etc. and I’ve grown up saying grandma last name etc. so that’s really strange to me and might confuse our child growing up more than the step-grandparent thing 🤷‍♀️🙈

My child calls my mum and stepdad grandma and grandad. It was natural and always going to be that way.

Although I've had step parents since I was 13 or younger so younger than you.

But my stepmum has only never been referred to by her first name. Although I have to say this wasn't my choice. Before I had my child - quite a while I had her- she made a comment that she wouldn't be referred to as grandma. And as soon as we got any cards from her they were signed first name

I was hurt when I heard it honestly. Because it's a way of putting distance and separating.But by the time my child came it was what I expected. I think it's sad but to be that's cemented what she thought as well.

My granddaughter calls her step grandma by her name . New baby just arrived so we are working out what is best for her. Maybe Grandma first name for her and same for new grandchild.

I had a step grandmother. We called her by her first name.

My parents divorced when I was very young, my step dads mum we called Nanna surname, my step mums parents we called aunty & uncle first names. When my
son was born it was my mums idea that my stepmum should be called Nan so my son has always called her nanna first name. My MIL is also remarried but my son calls him by his first name, he’s never been a grandparent to him in any way. My stepmum is fantastic with my son & nieces and loves them all as if they are her own.

First name. But it not because your mum would be put out, there isn’t a limit!

My partner is a step granddad but like you has only been in my children’s lives since they were adults, so he’ll probably just be known by his first name.