Step-Grandparents - what are we calling them?

[zionma]

My son is almost two years old and is very loved. He has my husbands mum and dad in his life. He also has my parents, both of which remarried when I was 22. So I’m not that close to my step dad or step mum. When I refer to them to my son I just use their names because that’s what feels comfortable but I’m getting the sense my step mum wishes to be more but thinks I’m not up for that. I know if my son called my step mum “grandma” or whatever my mum would be put out. I hate all the politics and wish I didn’t have to deal with it. Is that selfish? I just wondered what other people do.

My dc don't know any different, they have no reason to differentiate by calling different names.

We have grandma Kelly and grandma Sally. Simple.

It’s more complicated than that though. OP might not have a close step parent/child relationship because she was an adult when her parents remarried but her DC may have as close a relationship with their step grandparents as their biological grandparents. Some step grandparents do more for their step grandchildren than the grandparents.

If she is a lovely step grandmother who treats your DS as her grandchild, it would be nice to give her a special name. Family is more than biological family. If you feel calling her granny//nanny name would hurt your DM or MIL’s feelings, you could ask her to pick a nickname instead.

We were going to go with Nana <name> for my step-mum and Grandpa <name> for my step-dad. (Real parents are Grandma and Grandad. The <name> part was dropped by the time DS1 could talk.

My grandchildren call all grandparents and step grandparents ‘Grandma / Grandpa/ Grandad.
They differentiate between each one by using their first names. So Grandma Soon, Grandma Jane, Grandma Lucy, Grandpa John, Grandpa Joe, Grandad.
Im more than happy that they get to have 6 loving grandparents in their lives and see us all as equal. It’s a win win as far as I’m concerned.

My DH was known as Grumps to the grandchildren. It suited him.

It’s individual. I have two dd not my dhs kids, tgey met dh parents when they were 6/8 and always called them by their first names. But dh has been a hands on stepdad for nearly twenty years now and is much more a parent to dds than their bio dad so I hope he’s earned the title grandad when the time comes (but obviously it’s DDs choice)

Whatever you , then him when he is a bit older feel comfortable with. I wouldn’t be letting any other adults feelings dictate mine ( or his) having extra grandmas doesn’t make anyone less of a grandma and if my mum started all that I’d be telling her to stop being ridiculous! Your son has a village of people to love him and that’s wonderful

I don’t call my parents new partners step mum / dad as I was late teens when they can into my life, however they have been in my children’s life their whole life and treat them like their own grandchildren so we do use grandma & grandad for them.

For all the grandparents, when talking to them they are just grandma or grandad, when talking about them they are grandma first name or grandad first name.

I call by SM by her first name and was going to have DD do the same, but she has made an effort to include and treat DD equally to her other DGC. She is called Granny now, my DM was upset but I said I'm not going to stop someone who wants to love my child, it isn't a competition and she can't have too many people loving her.

I think it depends when the step grandparents come into a child's life. If they are there from baby age then why not just the same as other grandparent if they are going to be part of the child's life.

First name.

Age the kids were when they met your step mum is a big part of it. Step mum has been in mine and my brothers lives since we were kids. My nephews call her Nanny. If step mum came into kids life since they've been born I understand first name only.

My children call my step dad a “grandparent” name. However he’s been my step dad since I was 9, so over 25 years.

My dad has never remarried, but I think if he were to do so now, his wife would probably be called by her first name. Not for any other reason than it would be a new family relationship for me too, with none of the parental input a step parent from childhood would have. If my children wanted to call her a grandparent name (and she also wanted it, that’s important too), I’d go with it I think.

First name

I called my step-grandparent 'Grandad FirstName'. My real grandad had died though, so it was a bit different to your situation.

Depends on the relationship- my parents divorced when I was over 18 so have never really lived with them - both my girls are close to them as they have known them all their life but they are just called by their first name. My husband step mum has a very good relationship with my husband. He has known her since he was 5, the girls call her Granny name.

But we’ve allowed then to choose the names they felt comfortable with. My mil hates the fact they call step parent Granny but it’s not about her it’s what works and what the girls wanted. And Granny very much acts like a Granny to them.

I’m his real Grandma, so I’m Grandma/Granny (GanGan at the moment!); ExH’s wife is Nanna first name.

DH is Grandpa ; ExH is Grandad.

We all chose our own titles.

Granddad's new partner was always "First name".

I had 2 step grandparents.
One was known as Auntie - my grandfather had died before I was born and she really wasn't maternal or had ever had children so it worked for her.
I think she would have been very confused by children calling her anything else. She was an Auntie to many children.

I also had a step great grandmother called Auntie ---.

My nana was married to step grandfather so he was just Grandad . Although my parents would refer to him by name when mentioning him ( my father did not like his step father!)
So we were off to see Nana and Bernard on Sunday would be said by parents then on arrival hello Nana and Grandad 🙄

Honestly I would never have a second marriage having watched how step parenting plays out long term.

I’m in this position & my partners daughter has a dog, (pregnancy proving difficult) and. I’m Nonna Beach to the puppy (Italian Roma family) so I imagine I’ll be nonna if a baby comes, I’m pleased and hopeful that will be the case.

When DH and I got married, his XW made a serious suicide attempt, which derailed our wedding and our honeymoon, so I am always very wary of upsetting her. When SD was newly pregnant and I was asked what I wanted to be called, I said I was content to wait and see what DGC called me, expecting that they would call me by my name or some version of it.

That turned out to be the wrong thing to do. My reluctance to be called anything grandmotherly was taken as a complete lack of interest in DGC, whereas nothing could actually be further from the truth. Also DGC turned out to be situationally mute and has never ever spoken to me or engaged with me in any way so now I am stuck with being called "Auntie" which I hate.

I don't think there is any easy answer to this one. So much depends on the individual circumstances.

Both DH’s parents remarried so they have a step-grandma and a step-grandad. They both get some variation of grandma/grandad, as they’ve been married to FIL and MIL for decades and have always been a part of the DCs lives. It would be different, perhaps, if they’d come into their lives later on.

Thankfully none of the grandparents wanted exactly the same name so that wasn’t an issue!

My dd has a new baby. Her sf - my dh - is grandad. He has raised her since age 6. She also chose to take his surname at 18....they aren't spectacularly close but love and respect are certainly there... When I was a dc my df's dw was dgm - first name and she was bloody lucky she got that....

My eldest ( not dhs) calls dhs parents nan and grandad.
Dsc call my parents grannies and grandad.

Neither were told what to say and were introduced as their names but they all opted to call them grandparents . They are all treated equally to the ' bio' gcs on each side.

Whatever you're comfortable with. My dps stepdad whom married his mother only 6 years ago is simply granddad to my child. We didn't see the point in complicating it.