I've been a step-parent for 10 years. My DH and SS are incredibly close which I've embraced and respected as I am equally as close to my DS (who as an adult no longer lives with us).
My SS is at uni and returned home at the beginning of December for the holidays. Even though he lives in a flat with a washing machine he brings all his washing home to us when he visits. This has stayed in our utility room since he arrived as I don't feel it's my responsibility to do a 20 years olds washing for him.
He's going back today and started doing his washing at 10pm last night. This has continued this morning. The tumble drier has been on continuously since this morning. Whilst he's been home he has consistently cooked late in the evening leaving his mess in the kitchen.
He has literally done nothing to clean up after himself or contribute any effort for the entire stay.
I've ignored all of this to avoid bad feeling but the washing situation today pushed me over the edge. I asked him why he didn't take responsibility for his washing if he knew he was returning today. I suggested that not to have done so is not exactly behaving like an adult. I also added that because the tumbler costs so much to run I don't use it anymore as with proper planning of what needs to be washed it doesn't need to be used anyway. But my efforts to keep our energy bills down have been wiped out because it's been on virtually 24 hours.
In the last year my DH and I have argued over the fact that he treats SS like a baby doing everything for him and pandering to his every need. I've said this when SS behaviour has impacted on me by making more work for both of us clearing up after him. Both of them are incredibly careless and since SS has been home a number of things in the kitchen have been broken, spilt and wasted. My DH treats this as a joke and a "oh well we can get another one". But things haven't been replaced.
My DH treats his DS like a little emperor and idolises him. It's become worse as SS has got older. Sometimes this hero worship attitude he has about him makes me feel so sad for my SD who doesn't get anywhere near as much attention let alone adulation. It's like he only has one child.
I've realised that my DH is actually emotionally immature. We do not communicate very well in conflict as he becomes very defensive and minimises my feelings. He avoids any emotional stuff.
Today I feel as if I've reached the end of my tether with my it all.
I don't expect life to be perfect but I don't feel if my feelings are given any respect at all. We have a good life apart from this situation and I've tried to put this problem in a box, focus on all the positives but I feel it's made me a push over saying nothing and now I've actually said something it's like I'm the person in the wrong.
Clearly as has happened before, my DH is annoyed with me for saying something. I've literally got in my car and just driven away for some peace and quiet.
If you've got this far, thanks for reading. If you've got any helpful suggestions please offer them up. Thank you.