It's the weekend with DP's kids..

[gardenisblooming]

I don't want to go into the back story, or make this about being a good, or a bad step parent. But this weekend is the weekend we have my DP's kids, and I really do struggle. I'm made to feel very uncomfortable and so I try to remove myself from the situation and keep myself to myself.

I have plans for the whole day tomorrow but nothing for today, and am just posting to see if anyone else is in the same position and send a virtual hug, in exchange for receiving one back please :)

The weather is awful, and I don't want to go in to town as I'm trying to save money, so I'm thinking about binge watching something on TV. Any suggestions please?

x

Hi op

don’t know what you are into but for just switch brain off tv - I liked ‘Cleaning Up’ on Netflix

If budget allows the cinema has a new release ‘We live in time’ (amazing)

I’m not in your situation but I totally get how you feel in your own home (I remember a relative living with us and all I wanted to do was get out of the house but you can’t do that all the time)

Sorry OP, that sounds rough. Sending hugs!

Random I know, but if you do fancy @Paradoes suggestion of the cinema and you have a Vue nearby, I have a free ticket code you're welcome to x (it's free with my bank and I won't use it this month!)

Thank you both for your lovely replies! @Paradoes I'll look that up on Netflix, thank you.

I did look up the cinema, but wasn't sure if I fancy what's on. I did go and see 'We live in time' 2 weeks ago, last time the kids were here! What a tearjerker!!

@LittleRedRidingHoody thank you for that amazing offer, there is a Vue not far so I'll have a look at what's on, although given the weather, and that the cinema is in a very tempting shopping precint, I'm probably better off with Netflix. We have a den with TV so I can close myself away in there quite easily too.

I hope you both have nice plans for your weekends :)

Maybe you should split up with DP if you don't like his kids. I'm not judging who is a fault for this but they come as a package. You don't have to be step mum of the year but if you feel the need to avoid them completely then I can't see how the relationship can work.

@bigvig
OP hasn't went into details but I can sympathise, with my DPs kids, 1 is great, other 2 (late teens)won't acknowledge me or come into the house; despite their parents being divorced for a decade they still think they'd be together if he hadn't met me(2 years after divorce) have told him to his face their mum is still bitter he's moved on and by extension they should agree with her.
There are many complex situations and not all step kids, ex wives are nice people.

@SnoopysHoose thank you for your understanding.

I'm not going into the backstory here, but we have been together for many years, and there have been a lot of ups and downs ( I was not the OW, and we weren't together until a good while after DP & ex divorced, nor was I forced on them). These are adult children (in their 20s), and their behaviour is such that I prefer to keep myself to myself.

I struggle with the package, but we are where we are, and we are rock solid together and deal with this very much as a team mostly. I think that a lot of blended families generally do have some difficulties?

I don't know of any blended families who DON'T struggle with stuff like this from time to time tbh! 🧡

If you do end up on a Netflix spree, highly recommend making an experience of it and giving yourself 'main character energy' ~ if it were me I'd light a bunch of candles, make a giant duvet/blanket pile to snuggle up with, and eat ALL the good snacks.

I LOVE that idea!! I will light all the candles, and I have blankets. Should I stay in my pjs or wear a ballgown?! The snacks is an issue 😂 (another new year resolution along with the no spending is to be super healthy, I just received back a high cholesterol result so that isn't a good way to start the year!)

This is one of the realist replies I've seen regarding step kids. Mine were awful - I remember writing on here years ago about them, and got hung drawn and quartered. Not all step kids are wonderful little angels

There are some lovely series on Netflix at the moment OP, maybe get yourself some yummy things to snack on and enjoy some time to yourself.
I’ve been in a similar situation, my SKs were younger though, and it’s a horrible feeling to be uncomfortable in your own home.
Sending hugs.

Can highly recommend Beast Games on Prime if you have it. Crazy You Tuber does a game show on a huge level, it's insane and so watchable.
Hope the weekend goes quickly for you ❤

@gardenisblooming could you go for your favourite comfy PJs? Also breakout any beauty goodies (if that's your thing/have any) - face masks/nice hand creams/nail polishes?

Unfortunate about the high cholesterol - my advice would be to eat the damn snacks anyway but I have 0 willpower and am not the healthiest, so ignore that 😂 Could you make yourself something fancy but still healthy enough for lunch? Maybe a salad with loads of gorgeous toppings? Then head back in a glorious, stately way to your fun, lazy afternoon? (If it's not clear already I have a young child and a day like this is probably top of a list of what I want in life right now, so am very much vicariously living through it and rooting for you!)

@Peanutssuck
Thank you, we live in hope as they grow up they might be kinder to their dad, he's bent over backward for them, it's getting to the point he's treated like a cashpoint, eldest even said 'you're my dad you should pay for everything ' when he dared to suggest they spend some of their wages on a coat!!!
The behaviour of them and their mother has about broken him, taken a terrible toll on his MH.

The kids are in their 20's snd come every other weekend? He can see his kids as often as he wants of course, but that seems unusual? Just being nosy tbf.

I hope you manage to have a nice weekend OP.

I remember this feeling so well and I’m so glad not to endure it anymore. For me though my exDH used to triangulate me and the stepchildren and it was unbearable. He also wouldn’t allow me to spend time away doing my own thing when they were with us, but he was not a nice man as it turned out. Sending solidarity and yes to keeping busy and detached if you can.

Does he not just see them whenever if they are in their 20s? Seems a bit odd to stick to EOW.

The snacks is an issue

I sometimes make myself a fruit plate. A selection of whatever I have in, cut up into fork sized pieces and arranged on the plate. That may seem a bit poncey just for fruit but it does make it look and feel like a treat.

Ah, all these replies are so lovely, and are really helping me. Thank you.

So far, I've had a long lie in, then took a long shower. I'm wearing my favourite jumper (with PJ bottoms!). I've had my delicious & healthy breakfast and, inspired by the glucose goddess on tv the other night, I have some 'egg cups' in the oven right now. I'm now under a blanket in the den, about to check out some of your suggestions of what to watch while I wait for the egg cups to cook :)

@Peanutssuck @Bookaholic73 did it get better?

@LittleRedRidingHoody yes, my hairdresser also told me on a diff weekend that a day to herself with no kids would be bliss. My own DSs are in their 20s and v independent, and I miss the days of having them hanging off my legs even when in the bathroom! I'd happily come and help out with yours ;)

@SnoopysHoose it sounds like quite a similar situation tbh...sending love to you x

@PissedDog & @r@Rosesgrowonyou yes, you'd think. Like with mine, I make regular plans to meet up with them, or cook them dinner etc. His still like coming to stay. But to be fair (& a bit mean?) if I was treated like royalty and waited on etc etc, I also would continue coming to stay! I'm hanging in for the days when they find girlfriends/boyfriends etc...

not at all poncey! its all about making it look and feel like a feast! x

Is it every other weekend op? If yes, that is a lot of time to spend not wanting to be around other people in your own home.

it is, and it is very hard. I've done it for 4 years now (that's how long we've lived together, have been together for 11). I usually try to make plans to be out or to do my own thing, but today, that didn't happen. Tomorrow I'm mostly busy. We've worked hard on it together, and mostly we handle it as a team, but there have been a few ups and downs this month, so I'm just trying to remove myself and handle it. I love @LittleRedRidingHoody 's idea of main character energy. I'm trying to focus on me, and looking after myself today and my needs, rather than making it be about them, and blaming them for not being pleasant etc. This is all about MY Saturday, and enjoying it for me :)

Perfect couple on Netflix

If you have Apple TV (or don't mind signing up) then Silo is a must-watch. Season 2 finale has just aired so there are plenty of episodes to go at. DH suggested we watch it and I wasn't bothered, but halfway through episode one I was hooked.

That's so sad. It's very hard trying to do the right thing when it's not appreciated, and you end up in a constant battle. It's hugely under estimated the toll it takes.

@gardenisblooming Unfortunately my DH passed away some 15 years ago, so the contact stopped

Riviera on Netflix