DD says that Ex husbands girlfriend yells at her

[Mensuckbigtime]

Hi Everyone
I am not a stepmother and have never been one. Just looking for advice here.

ExH and I have recently divorced, marriage ended two years ago when he said he wanted a divorce and I later discovered he was having an affair.

The OW moved in with Exhusband soon after I moved out and as we split the children (two DD, aged 6 and 3) 50-50, she spends considerably time.with our girls.

I've met her a few times in the past, she was just a friend of my ExH back then...

Otherwise I know nothing about her.

Older DD just told me that the girlfriend yells at her and that it scares her.

I questioned her about it, she said that it's fine with girlfriend when the two girls aren't fighting (which they often do, typical sibling behaviour), but that the girlfriend often screams at older DD when the girls argue amongst each other.

I asked DD if this was a regular occurrence, she said yes and she said it scares her and she then goes to her room and cries and that her DF then comes and consoles her but that he has never said anything to his girlfriend (in front of DD, he may have spoken to his GF when the girls are in bed/not there).

DD also said that girlfriend sometimes.grabs her to stop DD from running away when she is being told off by the girlfriend...

My relationship with my ExH is not good, I know very little about his girlfriend.

What do I do now?

I know that obviously the girlfriend will also have to "tell off" the girls once in a while (or maybe not, I know nothing about being a stepmother), but I wouldn't want anyone to yell at my children whether it's one of my family members, a Kindergarten teacher, teacher or anyone else.

So I do find it quite disturbing what my DD has told me.

I know that children often "stretch reality"...
I told DD that I would have to speak to her dad about this and she said "yes, do that"

What to do now?

Thanks for any replies and just to be clear, no, I don't like the girlfriend because she had an affair with my then husband and obviously I am not to keen on my ExH, but this is not about the affair, it's about the girls.

And advice would be very much appreciated!

I was a step mother to two girls for six years, before I had any DC of my own.

I never shouted at them and wouldn’t have dreamed of laying a finger on them (aside from hugs) I wouldn’t have kissed them on the lips either.

You are so bloody brave sitting across from this woman. That’s the difficult bit done now. Hopefully she will moderate her behaviour, and DD will know you will always have her back.

Thanks for that
😀

You said she was defensive at first, OP, but I hope she accepted what you were saying? I thought what you said earlier about your own childhood that 'respect is one thing, fear is another and the dynamics are just different' was very much a line you could use with your ex to set a boundary.

I reckon you’ve hit the nail on the head! I now follow the nacho parenting but previously my dh left me to discipline care for everything regarding my ss6 I would get so fustrated at the extra work load when he visited, I found myself snapping and shouting at him! All becuase my dp wasn’t stepping up. This woman could be at her wits end looking after someone else’s children with no appreciation or respect and not having a dp pulling his weight. Who knows, buts it’s a crappy situ for everyone x

This needs to be raised as an issue as well, keep an eye on that.Why does girlfriend kiss her on the mouth?