How much to expect older ds to interact with dp's younger child

[yetanotherusername44]

Ds is 20, dp's little one ten years younger. Not had much interaction long story but is it reasonable to expect ds to make an effort to spend time with dp's ds with us despite the age gap. Ds is behaving moodily about dp's son on occasion. He tries to make an effort but isn't very good with young kids. What is a reasonable expectation. I think being polite and frirendly for sure but the moodiness happened as I asked him to sit with us doing something suited to the little one's age. Was that fair and is ds being unreasonable or me?

As I have said several times it was a game that is suitable for all ages not a little kid thing. It wasn't like "go play with him and the Lego".

Dp's dc (two sons, one older) do not live here or stay.

Why not if that's where their dad lives?

It doesn’t matter if it was suitable for all ages. He’s an adult and doesn’t have to play a game if he doesn’t want to.

And as I have said many times most adults don't want to play with random ten year olds,🤦‍♀️

But many would give a half hour of their time for the child of someone they know well, that has always treated them well. In the real world OP, plenty of adults Inc young adults do things they may not love just to be decent and give a little their time as it is kind. If someone that has been good to me asked me to watch their child for an hour say, even if I didn't feel like it but was free, I would say of course. Obviously no one is obliged to but most I hope would see it is the kind thing to do. My own dc have had various older children of my friends be kind to them and give them a bit of much appreciated time and they do the same now to younger children. It doesn't cost a lot but can mean a lot.

And in the real world here I wouldn't and neither would my sons. 🤷‍♀️

I think you have very different cultural norms to me. It would be completely normal in my group of family and friends for everyone to join in this kind of game.

And completely normal for adults of all ages to be nice to visiting or resident children.

Same. I'm Irish if relevant (I don't think it is?). We were at a Christmas get together the other day and a friend's 16yo ds (who my 9yo didn't know) sat down and played a game of Fifa with him, he was still talking about it that night he had enjoyed it so much.

Yeah not into the passive aggressive "be kind" nonsense. I have no interest nor do my sons in ten year old kids on the few days home to see your mum.

I don’t think it’s cultural I think it’s just plain rudeness! Some people seem to be incredibly anti social

I am Irish and assume it would be preference over cultural! Not everyone loves strangers children.

Well you seem familiar with rudeness. So I owe a stranger, a child my attention, em, nope.

my ds is new in all this as has been at uni.

There's your answer then. Your DS is branching on and out in his new life.

Don't expect him to want to play happy families with your new one.

Did you get out of bed on the wrong side every day you met a new person?

Perhaps you didn't read the posts. The son is back from uni to see his mum. Now he has a random ten year old over, so no I wouldn't be playing happy families 🤦‍♀️

So how was Christmas OP? Meant nicely by the way. I hope you and your son had some quality time together and that he enjoyed coming 'home'

These times are fleeting - and your relationship with your son is far more important than anything else.

I think you have a partner problem, OP. You applied pressure and didn't like your son's response. You've been quite prickly and defensive on this thread. I think you need to tread carefully with your son, if you don't want to alienate him further.

I expect my adult children to include future step siblings in family fun and I would be very upset if they didn’t. It would be rude and hurtful! E.g talking to them over meals, being willing to come for a walk with us all on Christmas Day, joining in a board game. I don’t expect them to spend extensive periods 1:1 though, or use them routinely as childcare.

I would not expect a 20 year old man to want to hang out with an unrelated 10 year old at all.

I think you're expecting too much. He's home to spend time with you. Not play happy families. He's an adult. He's got his own life and I assume his own friends (maybe even a partner)
Yes I'm sure he can be polite but I'd not want to play games with a kid half my age just to keep my mothers partner happy.
It sounds like everyone is expecting him to put everyone else's happiness above his own when he's the one coming home for the holidays to visit family.

My brother & sister are 8/10 years older than me and always played with me & looked after me but we grew who together.

DS 18 is great with DD age 8 (different dads) but again, they live together and he's known her since she was a baby.

I would think it would be very difficult for a 20 year old to spend time with and play with a new 10 year old, particularly if they haven't had much experience of younger kids.

Yes he should definitely be polite and friendly but I think any more is unreasonable to expect.