Should I get my new bfs son a birthday present?

[Terpsichore24]

I’ve been dating my current bf for a couple of months and we’ve already said I love you.

His son’s birthday is coming up and I wondered if it would be too much if I bought him a small gift (leaning towards a book)?..

My bf has told me that other women have resented his son/ the fact he has a son and I just wanted to do something to show that I’m excited to one day meet his son?

I of course won’t sign the gift or ask him to tell him the gifts from me!

I thought it would be sweet if I did end up marrying my bf and being his son stepmom that we could one day in years to come look back and I I’d say oh I bought you this book for your 5th birthday? Like I do with my sibling that’s his age..

Anyways I’m new to this and I just wanted advice from stepmoms or just older women who have experience with dating someone with children.

:)

I think it’s too soon x

My bf has told me that other women have resented his son/ the fact he has a son and I just wanted to do something to show that I’m excited to one day meet his son?

Yeah be careful about this.

He tells you a story and all of a sudden you're jumping up and down wanting to be step mummy.

A tenner says another couple of months and you'll be doing the school run, making packed lunches and babysitting while he's off doing a hobby.

Your relationship is nothing to do with his child and it should stay like that for a long long time.

dont be so quick to believe his words. Woman have resented his child? Really? More like women have resented him or his parenting. I’d be very very careful of this guy and no I wouldn’t buy him a birthday gift. I used to buy my step kids sweets and then when they knew about me, their dad said you know when I’d get you sweets they were actually from Emma but he didn’t say that at the time of gifting them.

id say what you suggest is a bit too much too soon and very try hard. Kindly, I think you sound a bit naive and I sincerely wish you the best of luck on this turbulent and thankless journey you are about to embark.

You've not met him. He doesn't know who you are. It's too soon.

Oh I've just realised it's you OP 🤦‍♀️

I'm sorry but the only way I can put this politely is that you're coming across as weirdly obsessed with this man's child.

You were only 'together' a few weeks when you started posting in the step parenting topic, and you've had more advice than just about anyone.

I don't know what to make of it all really.

Well that’s mean,

I just don’t have any experience with this and neither do my friends or family (who I’d usually go to for advice)

I’m just trying to get advice so I navigate this properly?

How does that make me “obsessed”?!

Do not give gifts to children you have not met. 🙄

No of course you don’t buy a present for a child you’ve never met who doesn’t know of your existence. And what you are proposing is really creepy.

How is it creepy? Wtf lol

You come across as strangely obsessed.

And if you think that's 'mean', just look back on all your posts and catch yourself on.

You're dating this man, not his child.

Forget his child and concentrate on having a normal relationship for now.

Obviously not going to run up to him and give him the bloody gift??

i was going to give it to his dad who I am in a relationship with and pregnant for??!

so seeking advice from people who have lived experiences is now obsessed? Got it

Pregnant for 🙄🙄

Way too soon to be saying you love each other. It's lust.

Don't push to meet the son.

Relax. Jeez

The unwritten rule is that when you come out of hiding is the day your relationship began for the children. So you would never discuss the gift from dad’s secret girlfriend or their 5th birthday.

Pregnant for 😂😂😂

he wants me to meet him but I have pushed against it because I think we should wait as long as possible.

I would give the book to my bf and he would just add the gift to the pile of presents?..

Sounds like you’re gunna do what the fuck you want anyway so stop wasting peoples time asking for advice. Go be young and dumb. You’re pregnant and in love within 2 months?! Fucking hell, reality is going to fuck you so hard up the arse, that will likely be before the baby is even born.

sorry I can’t hold my tongue on this. Pure stupidity.

I've a feeling if she was pregnant, she'd be on thread number 5 about it already.

Again, do not give gifts to children you have not met.

Not in person, and not via an intermediary whether that is their parent, cousin, relative, Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

Do not give gifts to children you have not met. It is inappropriate. It causes resentment with exes and other family members. It devalues them meeting you. Crucially, it lowers boundaries.

We teach children that they shouldn’t take candy from strangers. It is very confusing, not to mention poor parenting, especially for a 5 year old, to be told they can accept a present from this stranger but not from that stranger. And until they have met you, you must, for their own safety, be considered a stranger.

This.

It's been what, maybe 8 or 10 weeks? Far too soon to be part of this child's life.

And I don't understand the 'pregnant for' comment.

Is this your first time dating someone with a child? Because no absolutely do not buy his son a gift, it would be a strange thing to do.

Fair enough!

I just remember being given gifts from my stepdad growing up and actually thinking it was nice. But totally understand how it could be confusing to him not physically knowing me.
we’ve said hello on FaceTime and I’m usually on the phone during pickups and we say hello “hello-my name”

but I’m just known as dads friend in passing not actually dads girlfriend, so yes can see the confusion and best to wait

It is that’s why I’m on this site but everyone seems to be quite rude.

i’m not really understanding what is so strange and creepy about buying a small book for my boyfriend’s son?

i’m not going to now because everyone on here has made me feel like a POS for simply just trying to show my bf that I don’t resent the fact he has a child?

OP, this is the third thread you’ve started about this man and his son.

You had much good advice on your other threads ‘Bf only talks about our future children and not his current son?’ and ‘Advice on dating a man with a small child’ - mainly to do with the relationship moving extremely fast, your bf seems disinterested in his existing child and not someone you’d want to have a family with, and the fact you seem over involved in this little boys life.

Very bizarre chain of events:
You now claim you are pregnant - but weren’t on the thread you posted two weeks ago? And you have only been together two months - and just said I love you. But you discussed engagement two weeks ago? Again, with a man whose parenting skills you are concerned about - enough to post on Mumsnet, within the space of a six week relationship.

Please stay away from this child (and probably this man).

I don’t mean to come across as unkind, but I’m very dubious about this. At best, you’re incredibly naive and not mature enough to know what is best for a small child, and at worst, this is all made up.