Step-daughter pays rent-should she still do chores?

[MrsP1978]

Help!!! My step daughter (21) pays £200 a month rent- only started 2 months ago! She earns £1200/month. (Works 40hr week) Husband told me that I shouldn't expect her to do many chores as she now pays rent. Is this acceptable? I do all her washing/ironing/food etc. She has the biggest bedroom in the house etc. Am I stressing too much?
My kids are 17,15 and 13 and still in school full time and he says they should all be doing the same amount of chores.

Absolutely.

I rent my home and my landlord hasn't come to do my chores yet.

Maybe your husband should do her laundry and cooking etc. And whilst he's at it, his own too because I bet he doesn't do that either....

Nailed it

All adults in my house contribute financially and physically.

Of course! She’s paying rent, not paying you a wage for cleaning up after her

If she had her own house she will have to do chores so she needs the practice. Are all DC going to do nothing when they go to work? I don't envisage that will happen. £50 a week will not even cover her food and utilities.

She’s not paid you to be her maid. She pays towards the cost of her having a roof over her head. What a ridiculous suggestion from your OH.

£50 a week? So after covering food and utilities you're probably already in the negative, a housekeeper wouldn't work for free so why should you!

Of course! Any adults who live in a house should BOTH 1) pay to run it AND 2) look after it, keep it clean etc. It's the only fair way of doing things.

Of course she should continue to share the chores.
And maybe you can reframe what she pays as a contribution towards her share of the costs rather than rent. If she’s only paying £200 pm, that is not going to cover her share of bills, food etc. and you are doing her no favours if she thinks you are even close to breaking even on what she pays.
As for your DH, is he going to pick up the chores that she doesn’t do? It doesn’t sound as if you value your own time, why are you washing and ironing for an adult who is trying to wriggle out of sharing the load fairly? Are you the skivvy in this set up?

She's not paying you to be her housekeeper? She's paying (a very small) rent.
He would be able to make that decision if he were the one doing it all for her. There's something very awful / sinister about him expecting you to do it for her. Does he tend to treat you as a housekeeper?

I missed the part of adulthood where once I started paying the bills I didn’t have to do housework anymore. If anything, it seems like there is more of it every day.

All adults and children living in the house should pitch in. They each need to know what they are responsible for and how often they need to do it. Ie 4 year old is responsible for taking the clean cutlery from the dishwasher every morning and delivering it to the right compartment in the drawer. Amend for each member of the household. Ask anyone who objects to explain why they think they are not a responsible member of the household.

We all need to get onto our landlords/mortgage providers I think!

If he doesn’t want her to do chores, he can do her share.

Actually, @MrsP1978 I am astonished that you are doing all that for her. I bet you do everyone’s cooking washing etc. by the time my boys were teenagers they were doing their own washing and they would cook. You aren’t teaching them to be independent by doing everything for them.

Well stop doing her washing and ironing for a start. Get her a laundry basket for her room!

Regardless of how much she was paying, you're not her servant. If DH feels that she shouldn't have to lift a finger to take care of herself then he needs to start doing it. I feel sorry for her when she moves out on her own, that's going to be a huge shock to her system.

Of course she should.

I mean, at £200pm she is 'making a contribution towards her housekeeping'. It is hardly a commercial rent, let alone a charge that would allow the employment of a personal maid.

Your dh seems to have a very odd mindset.
As @ReadingInTheRain583 said in the first reply, no-one who pays rent has some sort of housekeeper / chef / laundry service included. Once she is into the very richest in society, then she can employ people separately to do that, if she can afford to.

She needs to understand what a good deal she is on. Some people pay more than that for their council charge!

Of course she should be doing chores! I'd have been embarrassed to have my stepmum doing my laundry at 21!

Imagine, you pay rent in your own one bed flat and no fucker cleans, tidies or cooks for you. The indignity!

Why is she so special she doesn't have to wipe a surface or put milk in a fridge?

So many incompetent people adults being created by shit parents....

Of course! That money is towards general expenses not you to do her washing etc.

This.

Every resident must work to maintain the house, even young children.

If your husband disputes you, tell him to do her laundry and ironing and meals.

easy. She can do at least her own chores and you have time freed up from doing stuff for her.

Yes, she should be helping out. When she starts paying for a housekeeper or hotel rate prices, then she doesn't need to. Your husband is doing her no favours if he start excusing her from responsibity

Your husband is insane. Does he really think landlords do all the chores for the tenants?

he’s welcome to I guess but he’d be a mug. His child tho so up to him. You obviously aren’t going to be doing her chores for her!