Step-daughter pays rent-should she still do chores?

[MrsP1978]

Help!!! My step daughter (21) pays £200 a month rent- only started 2 months ago! She earns £1200/month. (Works 40hr week) Husband told me that I shouldn't expect her to do many chores as she now pays rent. Is this acceptable? I do all her washing/ironing/food etc. She has the biggest bedroom in the house etc. Am I stressing too much?
My kids are 17,15 and 13 and still in school full time and he says they should all be doing the same amount of chores.

Let me guess. Your DH thinks that he doesn't need to do any chores either because he brings in a wage and pays some of the rent.

Of course, it's not a hotel. Why are you doing her washing and ironing?

I think "chores" may be the wrong word here. Your DH may feel that chores are tasks that adults assign to children for their own good, a bit like making them do homework. If so, he's right that that's the wrong mindset for an adult working full time paying rent.

HOWEVER, the way he should think of it - as all PP have said on this thread - is that all adults living in the house need to contribute to the tasks that make a house and their adult life run - cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. When she moves out she'll have to do all those things and pay rent, so why wouldn't she be doing it now?

Tell him that until she pays market rent either she or he can do her chores. Tell him to pick one as you won’t be doing anything. Cheeky sod

As a minimum she needs to be doing her own laundry, including changing and washing her own bedlinen and either cooking her own dinner or taking turns with you and her dad to cook for the family.

Your 17 year old could go on the dinner rota too so they can be taught how to cook at the same time. I used to cook for my family during A-levels (I love cook books and my family were my guinea pigs).

The cooking can be made fun. Mexican night with an Old El Paso box kit…they’re easy and quick too.

Her dad is doing her a disservice by not teaching her these life skills.

Everyone in your house should contribute to the effort required to run it. Does your DH think you should wait on everyone. Has he escaped from the 1950s?

All capable members of the household should be contributing to the chores and keeping the house tidy.

This BS absolutely would not fly in this house either. You'll be looking far and wide for anyone to agree that your husband is in any way reasonable.
He can tell you his princess won't be doing chores.
You can tell him you won't be doing them for her (how on earth do you end up serving a 21 year old like this anyway??) and you won't be subsidising her financially either.
What he can't do is tell you that you need to keep doing all this for her. If she's happy with Daddy getting his apron and feather duster out to be a maid for her then that's between the two of them.
If this arrangement is allowed to negatively affect the rest of the household in any way I can think of a few more things I'd be telling him.
Utter cheek.

Tell her cleaning services come at an extra £50 per week. That's how much I pay my cleaner.

Of course she should still do chores. Doing everything for young adults does not facilitate them to becoming functioning grown ups.

Do you pay rent/mortgage and expect your home to be cleaned, food cooked for you, laundry done?

There's your answer!

Is your DH on glue?

Ha of course she should.

His logic would mean that anyone who pays bills or the mortgage gets out of the chore

I would expect her bedroom and her bathroom to be clean and tidy and for her to do her own washing and ironing.

If she makes food outside or meal times I would expect her to clean up afterwards.

I would expect her to give me a couple of hours at the weekend when she's off work to assist me around the home, whether it be hoovering, gardening, tidying etc.

I wouldn't ask her to clean other children's rooms or bathrooms.

I agree with the bit that all the kids should be doing chores though. No reason that the 21 should and the others shouldn’t

So she pays £50 pw “rent” and thinks that includes a housemaid and servant thrown in 😂

Make a rule for all children and step children - once you finish full time education then you are responsible for all your own laundry…. cooking one meal per week for the family, have rota for washing dishes, putting the bins out, etc. All adults in paid employment have a shared responsibility.

It will be a great president to set as your own children are approaching 18.

Don’t like it - move out, pay a lot more in rent bills and do ALL the chores!

Or if husband doesn’t think that she should do any chores, suggest to him that you will do a third of all housework, he can do his third and her third for her.

Unless I missed the part of you being a hotel then yes. And I agree they should all do chores. 21 yr old - I wouldn't be touching her ironing or washing (unless you never want her to leave home). Food maybe slightly different - joint meals etc

Kids benefit from doing chores, from as young as 4ish (light only of course then!). It helps develop their self-esteem and later I life their drive. There is a tonne of psychological research on this showing the benefits.

Your husband could of course do her washing and ironing?

She absolutely needs to do chores. Your husband is an arsehole. You should be preparing her for life not bloody mollycoddling her.

She's an adult, so she should be doing her own laundry and ironing for a start. As should your other kids at their ages.

I think she should have to contribute to the household like everyone else does - you all live in it.

Everyone (including your DH) should be doing a fair share of chores. The 13yo might have a slightly lower workload than everyone else until they are 15.

You aren't anyone's servant. Everyone with an income pays in to household costs, everyone with functioning hands does chores. People who avoid these facts are parasites and no one likes living with parasites.

I would expect her to look after her own room and laundry. This is what my son of same age (who does not pay rent) does. She should also chip in with washing up or dishwasher stacking/unstacking. Beyond that, I think working a 40 hour week means she doesn't have a lot of free time.

First comment summed it up- it love the mortgage company to come and do my chores seeing as I pay them much more than 200 a month

All housemates in a rented property have to chip in with domestic chores. She better get used to it!

@mugglewump it’s entirely possible that both DH and OP also work 40h weeks.

I pay my mortgage and bills and haven’t noticed that I need to do less housework…

She is living as part of a family, mucking in with costs just as you and DH do, and mucking in with jobs, like everyone else!

Unless you are testing her like Cinderella and making her do a f/t cleaning and washing job?

She should definitely be doing her own ironing etc!

Does your DH do any household and domestic jobs?