SC keeps threatening pets!

[yorkshirerose90]

As title says really. I'm fed up of hearing sc threatening my cats and puppy. For context they're 13 so not a little child. He does have behaviour issues and he's never actually hurt any of them but the constant threats are really getting my back up and I don't know what to do. If I say anything which I very rarely do as I leave it to my partner, I'm met with a barrage of attitude and swearing abuse. Partner is quite good at discipline sometimes but the relentless nature of his behaviour means he usually gives in before he should but that's a whole different thread. I've spoke to my partner and said I'm sick of it and if it carries on I don't want him in our house but that would mean partner leaving also and we also have a child together. I'm really at a loss. I'd never leave them alone coz I absolutely would not trust them not to hit the puppy when she's jumping excited etc. Anyone else had anything like this before and how did you deal with it? Or am I being over sensitive when they've not actually hurt any of them that I know of (yet)?

I think you need to ask this man to move out.
It isn't fair on the cats or on your puppy. Or on you, as you can't leave this child and the animals alone together.

Does the child live with you?

Your own child needs protected from that behaviour too. Your partner needs to control the child, get psychological help or remove them from your home. It's not normal behaviour. Animal abuse is a know factor of abusers and worse.

You're not being over sensitive. 13 isn't a little child who struggles to learn how to behave around animals.

I think you're right and I guess I just needed someone else to agree with me as I didn't know if I was just being a bit over sensitive. He doesn't live with us but comes 3/4 days a week.

Does he stay overnight?
Has he got his own room?

What's he like with your joint dc?

There was mention of having him full time but I was very honest and upfront and said if that happened partner would have to leave as I would be primary care giver as partner works full time and I can't say anything to him without being met with "you can't fucking talk to me like that" "you're not my mum" you get the picture. Partner will ground him and take his phone but then gives in almost instantly.
I would never ever leave our child or the animals alone with him. He does have medicine for adhd but overall his behaviour is appalling. His mum does nothing except make excuses. SC was bullying another boy and mum actually said to the other parent that her son needed to toughen up! Honestly I could be here all day. I think the thing with my pets has just sort of been the straw that broke the camels back. Thank you everyone for your replies it's really helpful.

Him and his abusive son needs to leave the house. He's threatening violence on innocent animals, how do you think he could be trusted around a baby? Idk if your kid is a baby or not but he's simply not safe to be in your house.
If the man has to leave with him then so be it. You will not be terrorised by a child in your own home.

Yes has own room. He is awful to the other kids but generally fine with step brother but to be fair he doesn't see them much as when he comes in the others are usually in bed. On weekends he stays in his room until he's ready to go out. Majority of the time he doesn't speak to me at all and I tend to stay out of his way. Partner always agrees with me but like I say he gives in so easily but I stay out of it 99% of the time.

He is awful to the other kids

Why is this allowed? Sounds best for everyone if the boyfriend moves out and parents his various kids somewhere where kids and pets aren't being bullied and threatened.

Sounds like a very unhappy child who isn’t being adequately parented by either of his parents, how sad for him.
However, he is not your problem and you need to protect your child and pets from this negative behaviour. Your partner and his son need to leave and live elsewhere, this might even help the SC, as he would not feel that you, your child and your pets were taking the attention of your partner away from him, providing his father did not take his resentment out on his unhappy and obviously troubled first born.

He sounds Autistic to me fucking hell 🤦‍♀️

OP, you’ve got to live apart. He’s deeply troubled, the cause isn’t your problem and your priority has to be your child and your pets. His father is clearly ineffective and that’s not good enough given the threats. Please take this really seriously.

I think one of main concerns if he moves out is that my son will be obviously going to see his dad etc and I'll not be there to supervise although I trust my partner that no harm would come to him of course, but he has been around when he's been shouting, swearing, slamming doors, hitting doors and walls etc Son is 4 is context. And I can't dictate to him when he has his other son. Social services are involved due to his abuse of his mother, would they ever be able to say that he's not to have them at the same time? I don't really know anything about stuff like that.
Behaviour has been getting a lot worse since he hit his teens. He's never been a well behaved child but I'd say the last year has been the worst. Smoking, arrests, fighting/bullying etc.
now ive written it out I can see how bad it is!

I wouldn't have a child like that anywhere near my pets or children. The fact that his father gives in too easily only means it's going to get worse. Of course he will be labelled unhappy and people will be all softly softly with him. Sod that.

Get yourselves away from him. Neither his mother or father seem to want to parent him properly.

He sounds Autistic to me

What nonsense. How can you possibly know?

He actually sounds like a very troubled child, who lacks boundaries from both his parents.

Social services are involved due to his abuse of his mother

Do you mean the child is abusive to his mother, or your boyfriend is abusive to his ex?

There was mention of having him full time but I was very honest and upfront and said if that happened partner would have to leave as I would be primary care giver as partner works full time

Oh FGS.
Not another useless man who's moved in with a woman so that she can look after his children.

1. Partner and his son move out
2. Partner sees your joint child only when his son isn't with him. If you decide to stay with him but in separate houses, then you will be there anyway

Yanbu to take these threats seriously. There’s a reason why hurting animals is frequently mentioned when discussing disturbed adults and Id be very worried about violence escalating to hurting younger siblings.

Does your boyfriend live with you?

How many children have you got yourself?

7 years I've dealt with it but it's definitely getting too much. He has hit and choked out his "full" sibling who's 2 years younger than him but at his mums house. I think I'm going to try speak to someone about dad's contact with my son when he leaves, it may be that I can't legally do anything about it but I'm going to give it a try.
Thank you everyone for your replies.

Son's abuse of mother. He will hit and kick her, compared to what he is like at home we've got it fairly easy so you can imagine how bad it is but mum doesn't discipline him AT ALL as his behaviour is just so bad if she tries and I think she's given up. Mum will ask partner to ground him and take his phone etc she will not do it herself due to how bad he is with her.

@yorkshirerose90

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

id go one of two ways with this. One if I wanted to remain with DP

1. SS IS NEVER at yours unless DP is there not even for 5 minutes. You & DP decide on consequences of SS behaviour & he sticks to them for agreed duration he backs you 100% when you discipline DS & he has ZERO tolerance for any rudeness to you.

or separate with him & he moves out. But only has your joint child when he doesn't have his older DS.

your priorities here are your joint child, your pets & your sanity.

his DS has 2 parents who need to get him sorted out.

His mum just makes excuses, it's always someone else's fault. Caught smoking - friends fault. Kicked out of school- schools fault. Hit another child- other child's fault and they should "toughen up". It's a nightmare!