Hi everyone! long time lurker here, first time posting. I am looking for some advice/reassurance...I'm not sure really as I keep thinking how I'm feeling isn't normal and that there's something wrong with me for feeling the way i do.
Me and my partner have been together for a year now. we live separately with a view of eventually moving in together but no solid plans at the moment as there is no rush. He has two children ( 6&3) I have one daughter (12) it has always been just me and my daughter for the past 9 years and i have always wanted that chance at love and family life again, so when i met my current partner who makes me feel the way that i do, is supportive, makes me laugh and we just get on like a house on fire, i wanted to just go for it and be with him! Before we introduced the children we spent alot of time really getting to know each other,
and we waited a good 4/5 months before introducing our kids.
He has his children 50% of the time, i have my daughter full time and she goes to her dads every other weekend ( me and current partner have the same child free weekends) so we do get those child free weekends every other week. Which makes me feel awful even writing this as i know other parents do not ever get a break.
However when we are all together on our weekends with the children it is very very full on. His children demand alot of attention constantly, they arent the sort of children where they will just happily occupy themselves, the tantrums are off the scale over the smallest things if they cant get their own way, particularly the eldest one. and the youngest is very whingey and is constantly telling me to go away from her or shouting ' I dont want you' at me. Fun days out we plan end up not being fun at all because of melt downs and crying and then my own daughter ends up having a rubbish time and i can see she feels stressed and uncomfortable when all of this is happening as she's not used to having siblings being an only child.
They have also both always co slept with my partner to which I said from the beginning i will not be sharing a bed with is children so if he is wanting me and my daughter to sleep over when his children are there then they need to be in their own beds, to which we have done and its been very tough as they are used to sleeping in the bed with him. So recently its been he gets the youngest to bed and i get his eldest to bed and i lay with her until she goes to sleep, but then they are both up and down all night and everyone is not having a good sleep including my daughter who is in the spare room listening to it all being woken up during the night. i find at the end of the weekend when i'm getting ready to go home i am absolutely exhausted and it takes me a couple of days to recover from a full on weekend and having barley any sleep.
There are other things which irritate me for example the eldest follows me around the house constantly and i feel like i can't even get two minutes by myself or if im chatting to my daughter shes trying to climb on me and get the attention, she eats things off my plate while i am still eating, knocks on the door constantly if i am on the toilet or in the shower and she does the same to my daughter. i don't tell her off because i feel like i can't as i dont feel comfortable doing that but i do say things like 'just give me two minutes please'
my partner does tell them off when needed and he will say to them can you just give her some space or that its rude to eat from someone's plate etc. but then on the other hand if i want to nip to the shop sometimes for 10 minutes peace and one of his kids ask to come with me and i say no i'll be back soon he will say infront of them 'can't she just come with you' or if me and my daughter are going shopping he will say infront of them can mine come with you aswell with no intention of himself coming and it just makes me look like a horrible person when i say no to them.
during the week i try to avoid going round when his children are there but he definitely notices that that is what i'm doing and makes comments that i don't want to spend time with him or the kids, to which i have always said i have my own house to run, my own child to look after and i can't always be with him at his house he isnt the one whos packing the over night bags to go and stay, bringing my dog with me to his house and then packing it all up to come back home the next day. but he just goes in abit of a mood and sulks about it. he can be quite needy and i am not like that at all i am very independant and like my own space.
I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed and worried i am not cut out for this and that if we do eventually move in together i will be unhappy and so will my daughter.
any responses are really appreciated but please be kind.