AIBU to be LIVID at my DSS mother

[Gooodmorningusa]

A long post. im livid and upset and I can’t sleep. I think I know how this is going to go but oh my god I need to vent.

my DSS mum, I feel is taking the absolute piss and I think she’s an audacious cow.

the back story is, we have DSS (8) EOW, I have been in his life since he was 2.5 and me and DH share a 2 year old boy. I work in a school office so I am fortunate enough to have most of the school holidays off (literally 12 weeks out of the 13!) so in the school holidays I step up and have DSS extra. So on the weekend he comes EOW, he comes on Friday morning, and we keep him till Tuesday evening and he goes home before bed time. I have always done this since he started in reception class and I do this for two reasons, so he has more time with us and also to help out his mum who is single and has to cut her hours during the school hols. In term time it returns to the normal EOW.

last week my 2yo DS was poorly with chicken pox and it floored him, early hours of Saturday morning he had a fever, had a funny turn, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and we couldn’t bring him round. It was horrible and he was rushed in an ambulance with me and DH stayed at home till MIL arrived to sit in the house with DSS as he was sleeping upstairs. DH came to hospital soon as he could. I was hysterical and have never seen my son so poorly and it frightened me, i thought he was gone when his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Anyways he was kept in hospital till Sunday night, we got home at 8pm. DH stayed with us most of the time while we waited for tests and DSS stayed with MIL (his grandma) then went back to his mums on Sunday evening. Just to add his cousins were there at grandmas too so not like he was the only child there.

anyways DH ex has booted off basically. Ringing up calling DH a selfish dad for staying at hospital all weekend and shipping DSS off to grandmas 🤯 so anyways DSS has come back this weekend as he was upset his missed his weekend last week. So I get a text earlier today off his mother ‘it makes sense for you to keep him till Tuesday as you needed to give it a miss this week’ ….. 😵‍💫so I reply saying no actually that wasnt the agreement, i have plans including an appointment of my own, wedding dress shopping with my SIL on Monday and I am going into work on Tuesday to do my admin. My mum will be looking after DS for these.
she then proceeds to call me selfish and tells me how I’m ‘palming my own son off’ and that ‘she knows I secretly hate her DS’ plus loads of other shit which I don’t think I deserve. In her opinion I should be making up for
the time I missed earlier this week. I reminded her my DS was very poorly and I also reminded her DH was in work on those two days so it’s always me who facilitates the extra contact.
my DH is fuming and has confronted her and she has repeated the same shit to him.
shes basically annoyed that she had To cancel her plans / work on Monday and Tuesday. But my DS was poorly and I didn’t sleep a wink all weekend with checking on him and being on a hospital ward. I admit that on Monday and Tuesday this week I didn’t think about DSS at all, I was shattered and I just let me DS sleep in my arms all day.

Would I be wrong if I told her to suck my big toe from now on?

There was a week in between the child being ill and the pre arranged wedding shopping. Ex wanted DSS to come on the following weekend to make up for coming home early - OP couldn’t do it because she had plans of her own. The OP says DSS is included in everything - family holidays and trips and she facilitates extra child care for the ex whenever needed - including giving up her time in the school holidays to look after DSS while ex works extra for cash in hand. . She has never let ex down before, until this incident, DH pays CMS, clothing, uniforms, hobbies and half of after school clubs. What part of that makes you think he’s unloved ?

Which the family courts would take into consideration were the OP and her DH to split when they grant the OP contact time Right?

Indeed. He went to work instead of caring for his other child. Can't have been that worried.

Some of the comments on here are literally bonkers literally barking

Op personally I would stop doing favours for the ex. It doesn't matter how nice you are or reasonable, some people will bend over backwards to make you sound like your evil even with a hell of a lot of evidence in the contrary (see this thread as a example). You won't convince those people and it sounds like mum is part of that crowd (along with several others on here). Do not waste your thoughts or words trying to convince them.

My DD has a sm who I adore and some people have to make others feel like shit because of their own issues - people start slagging her off in the past if I mention my dd having a sm without me even opening my mouth or knowing about out situation. This is more of a society wide thing than anything else.

MN is bonkers tbh. Of course mum was unreasonable and honestly any kindness you showed to her she took for granted and wouldn't show an ounce of empathy.

I'm glad your son was alright and honestly sounds like mums not worth your time worrying about her having a paddy. Simply ignore !!

She has no business ranting at you, but your husband dropped the ball here.

They obviously do not have a cordial relationship, so has no reason to think she'd fancy missing work for what was essentially his responsibility.

He should've have arranged for his parents to have his son or leave the hospital/work to be at home looking after his son in his contact time.

Two things.
She's an arse
Your husband is an arse

What would you have done if you & your Dh had another child - would you have shipped him or her off to gran's. Parenting isn't optional.

But you're the one doing all the giving. Your issue as is so often the case is that you love a complete tosser.

I see both sides. Awful for you, but your other half has 2 kids not one. If both were yours, you both would have had to work it out.
She's an arse for not being flexible but not an arse for protecting her child and not wanting him to feel dispensable.
Your husband had to step up, he should be doing half of all holidays or paying for childcare.

I'm so sorry for your horrid time & hope your lo on the mend

When I saw this active again I assumed it was going to be that the OP had split from her husband and found out he was just as poorly invested in their shared child.