I can't stand my 'step children'. Don't shoot me.

[RenegadeMasterx]

Basically, what the title says.
These children (5 and 8) have been mollycoddled and have never had boundaries or discipline, and when trying to merge with my two children (7 and 9) who have had boundaries and discipline, and have respect and manners, and get told off if they step out of line - is so tough.
I absolutely dread it when they come round.
They have so many characteristics of their mother that it almost feels like she's here when the children are.

It's fucking tough.
I'm new to this - < 1 year - and just don't know if I can stick up with this.
My kids are very independent and his are so incredibly clingy, whingy and needy, it's so frustrating.
They are also like sponges and go home and report everything to their mother - everything - it doesn't matter what it is or what it's about. So I feel so uncomfortable around them now.

Please, tell me it gets easier. 😫😫

Why not just stop involving all the kids in your relationship? Make life more enjoyable-just date your new boyfriend.

Doesn't sound like it would being your kids best interests to be made to be around these people, and enjoyable for no one.

I agree, just stop having them round!

Maybe just don't be in the relationship if you feel like this already? it will only get harder

Nooooooo. It doesn't get any easier.

Why are you even considering blending your families when your parenting styles are so different and you already know your kids won't get along??

Please put your DC first. If you've been with your DP less than a year surely they've only just recently met him?

The idea of moving in should be way off in the distance.

Your home should be your sanctuary, for you and your kids, why would any of you want to live with people you don't even like?

They have so many characteristics of their mother that it almost feels like she's here when the children are.

Perhaps perfect dad should take over parenting his children?

At less than a year in I’d be considering whether it’s worth staying in the relationship. Or at the very least I’d stop trying to merge the families in any way.

Do you know their mother well? How come you can tell they are so much like her?

No it won't get easier if you and your partner don't have similar parenting styles.

It will probably get worse.

In my case DH and I were very clear about what our house rules were.

Basic, age appropriate things about respecting personal space, good manners, chores etc and repercussions if those were not followed.

If mums rules were different, then so what? She can parent as she sees fit but in our house everyone gets the same treatment.

I'm assuming you don't live together? If so keep it that way and see him when his children are not around.

If that's not an option then honestly I'd walk away. For your children as much as yourself.

Your partner needs to see his kids, without you and your kids there.

Stop blending. Not fair on anyone. Less than a year in - just enjoy your boyfriend when you can see him. Let him have his kids at his.

How old is the relationship? Those poor children are never going to fit in with your perfect children so I’d call ut a day. Also being rude about their mum will get you nowhere I’m afraid

I get what you're saying - but my partner is an absolutely amazing man.
He was in a coercive relationship and was made to be a certain way in himself and as a parent.

It would be such a shame to have to end our relationship because of his kids.
I just don't see much of a way around it

Sounds like at the moment you are just dad’s girlfriend so they aren’t your step children. They are your boyfriend’s kids. Don’t have them over.

Walk away now.

I know her well enough to see her in these children.
All of their family comment saying the same, they are soooo much like their mother in every way.

Poor kids. Perhaps he should be putting them first and giving them a bit of stability rather than rushing ahead with you and your children. In fact if he was such a wonderful man, this is what he’d be doing.

Blending isn’t going to possible because you and your partner are clearly too different with parenting. Your stepchildren’s behaviour is a result of both parents being crap.

If you want to stay in the relationship then I suggest you live apart and just date when you’re both childfree (or when your partner sorta his shit out and teaches his kids some independence so you can go out for a few hours together) Some Disney dads never achieve this so be warned.

Personally I’d be running a mile because it would drive me crazy

Poor kids.

Talk about rushing in, why on earth do all of your children need to be dragged into this? Have a relationship by all means but separate your sex life from raising your family.

My children are far from perfect but they know how to be well mannered and polite and how to behave.

Their mother is a vile woman for what she has put their father through so I will cast as much judgement as I want.

why would you have to end it?
it's a new relationship, you dont live together, it should be straightforward to just avoid his children

Why are you trying to blend families when you have been with your boyfriend less than a year?

The good news is that you’ve found out that your parenting styles are incompatible so early on.

You've invested less than a year in this relationship.

If, as you say, he’s come out of a coercive relationship then he needs to do some work on himself, take a parenting course and some kind of Freedom programme and spend a few years single and concentrating on his children and giving them some quality time and stability.

Dump him and move on.

We see eachother as far more than just a shag, thank you very much. How fucking rude. 😂

BlackShuck - I was responding to a few comments saying end it with him.

You don’t come across well on here OP. I dont this thread is going to go your way