Why?

[talie101]

...do I have to have you pushed in my face sitting in the car to collect the children and have you sit opposite me watching my young dd's first plays etc?!

Why do I have to smile sweetly and pretend that everything is hunky dory for the sake of the children when I just don't want to see you (I don't hate you any more...I just don't want you there!).....why do I have to see you?....is there a law to say that you have to be in my life too and flaunted under my nose just because you are now part of my children's?

I have accepted that you made a play for my husband and won him from me. I accept that you and him have been together for a couple of years (although he is texting me saying he regrets things, grass is not greener and all the other shit that comes out of his mouth!). I have no reason to believe that you have or ever will be nasty to my children and by all accounts are a good person in my childrens lives. I accept that my exh is entitled to be at my dd's plays etc but why do I have to accept you there? Would you really make a big impact on their lives if you were not?...again I ask WHY do I have to see you? I don't want you where I am, imposing on my life, I want to keep you separate from me.....is that really to much to ask?!!!!!

The youngest is too young to be aware. The eldest knows that daddy no longer lives with us, but apart from grilling him on a daily basis about his evening meal choice she hoesn;t really have any interest in his life away from her few hours* with him

Cake is dead easy. I can give you a recipe if you wish?

• His choice to see so little, just in case you ask

Funny you should say that... I remember when DSDs started coming to my place... We only had 2 bedrooms, so gave one to each of the DSDs and we slept in the office area...

DSD1 doesn't remember anything about that apartment apart from 'her' room (she was 3-4YO)

I used to turn my (city centre!!) apartment upside down for those visits to make sure the kids were safe and had a good time...

We're 10 years down the line now... DH and I are married and while I'm never going to say his ex likes me (she doesn't!!), she does ( I think!) know that I love DSDs and would do pretty much anything for them...

Obviously, I'm not sure about your situation, but I can see with hindsight that some of the things I did were probably quiet upsetting to DH's Ex (I used to make cards and presents with DSDs for them to give their mum, I used to think she'd like to know what the kids had been up to while with us... and it was ages afterwards that I realised that she didn't like them because of what they represented - her daughters having a good time with me)

If it's an easy recipe - then yes please!!! I am really going to have to get my head around this 'mummy' lark!!

What I mean is: I think DH's Ex probably saw those 'gifts' as me rubbing her nose in what a wonderful life I had....

I was single, early twenties, no kids, yet didn't mind 'playing house'...

I think there is always a bit of a disconnect between first wives and second wives (A bit like the benefits threads!!...) Life always seems easier 'on the other side', which of course, it's not, it's just different........

It also sounds (sorry, if I'm wrong) that your ex left you.... That's not quite the same for us, because DH's ex left first (She didn't intend it to be permanent...)

The whore ripped two families apart because she was bored and decided to have an affair. Bitter? Me? Not at all

I'll type you out a recipe tomorrow, as it is I need my bed as the school run will not do itself in morning

Thanks MM - Sleep well!

Right... In order to not threadjack, do you have any way of me e-mailing this to you?

Yep.... use ycbs @ fsmail . net

Thank you!

I'll stick 'cake' in the subject line, please don't junk mail me

I'll sort it out later after I have finished the laundry and eaten some dinner.

Oh gosh that's difficult - sorry

Talie, it sounds like your xp left you for an OW and I recognise your feelings. I have to get over the fact that she wants to be with my husband, and he wants to be with her. They have to get over the fact that she is not welcome in my street (neither is he really and if he visits when it's dark, that's his lookout ). I don't slag them off (much, anymore!!) but I am entitled to my feelings about them, much as they are entitled to their's about me. So long as the children aren't being screwed up by me making bitchy comments (which I don't - THESE DAYS) I am not obliged to forgive their mental cruelty to me. Doesn't matter whether they were madly in love and didn't want to hurt me. They did. It broke me. And we are not obliged to forgive it or like it - just get on with it, unfortunately.
Madmuggle, my sympathies for you too. Hope you begin to feel less angry soon. It's such a horrible stage.

BTW ... we're out of cake.. we only had 3 slices.. and we weren't expecting such a rush love it, love it , love it!!!

Littlewoman - Not sure if I'm just being over hormonal... but I am guessing that last comment is for me......

Cheers.... I suppose I'll just leave you all with your cake and your anger... Enjoy.

No, not at all meant for you, YCBS. It's the end bit of Eddie Izzard's quote that Madmuggle started on page 2 of this post. From some 'cake or death' sketch that he did. I wouldn't upset anybody on purpose. Sorry.

Been reading all your comments with interest.

I'm wondering if those that had their exh's leave for another woman find it harder to have the OW in their lives? I don't think I would mind as much if the partner was someone that had not split the marriage up and in those circumstances think I wouldn't mind the crossover of lives.

I believe it will be the same for him when he has to face the fact that another man will one day open the door to him with 'our' children in that persons arms....that will be the day he TRULY regrets his decision!

It took her 8 years of my marriage to take him away from me, knowing full well he was married (having searched for him and contact him again!) I also don't have a lot of respect for the woman when she knew I had had two children with him at the end of the marriage and she also had a partner and a child...from what I can see is that she was extremely selfish and has upset two families and most importantly three childrens lives! I never once caused her any trouble apart from confronting her via text in the early days but she flatly denied anything was going on and told me I was mad! I have left them both well alone and hate him more than I hated her (have no feelings towards her now...just empty!)....he is a spineless weak pathetic man and doesn't deserve to have children (I truly believe he wanted to leave me before we had our second child but wanted our first child to have a proper sister/brother instead of a half one!) Tosser springs to mind!

I just think it's not unreasonable to ask her to keep from crossing over into my life and that includes the school plays....I do not for one minute think my children ask her to come because they are only 5 and 3 and don't even ask my family to come and they are very close to them!

I am totally happy that she is part of the dd's lives....things could be much worse and I do truly believe she is a good person to my children.

When the time comes....way down the line that my children ask if it's ok for her to come then I would be happy to do that for them....but for now I want her to stay away and leave me to have that right and enjoyment.

Definitely it makes a difference if the OW split your marriage up, I think, Talie. Or sometimes a couple splits amicably, but the wife decides she's made a mistake and wants xh back, but he's got a new partner by that time. Then the wife can take a dislike to his new dp.

My first husband met his dw several years after we split, and I'm very friendly with her.

I hate my 2nd xh though, (not with an all consuming rage, just a general free-floating hatred of someone who did not consider his kids before pulling his trousers down. No mother likes somebody who's willing to hurt their kids, and I don't see why he should be treated any differently from anyone else who would make my kids cry for months on end). I hate her too, and hope they both fall off a ski slope on their next fabby New Year holiday whilst I'm at home with 6 kids. You get the point

I'm with you all the way. You can rely on me to stand your corner in this argument, all day long