Struggling with SC/being a step mum

[Dodoofferyou]

I have two ss and I am really struggling and I just don’t know how to cope and change things to make our home and life easier. For background, my oh and his ex have a very toxic co-parenting relationship. they live with us 50/50.

My sc have poor hygiene and I really struggle with the continual wee everywhere, the bathroom constantly smelling of poo and stale wee (from the wash basket). The upstairs stinking of their BO. I have spoken to my OH, who has put it down to their age and them being boys.

Their laziness. Not just teenage laziness, but entitlement that everyone in the house exists to serve them. They can’t get themselves a drink for example, nor make their own sandwiches for school. They can’t keep their room tidy (apparently its my fault we can’t afford a bigger house and more space). They refuse to help or contribute in the home to family things. I have a dd who is always happy to help with jobs, help prepare dinner, will always ask if anyone else wants a drink etc, but they are so selfish.

Their backchat and tone when they speak to me is disgusting. I do so much of their day to day parenting with no thank you or appreciation. How they speak to me is also upsetting and today I’ve been in tears over how someone as young as 11 (other is nearly 14) can speak to someone how I have been. My oh says that how when they speak to me like that it’s because they have ‘a point’.

I know a lot of this, well probably all of this, is due to my OH and his pretty piss poor parenting. He’s very laid back and I’m not, so is happy to pick his battles I suppose. But that’s largely because I have the responsibility for our family in terms of what I suppose gets called the motherland. I find myself getting worked up when they are here because of how they treat me.

I feel like I am there for everyone in our home. And I am the one taking so much shit. Really like the bottom of the pile and my oh doesn’t see it.

we are also struggling with money at the moment and when sc are behaving like this and I see him continuing to spoil them, and continually undermine me in front of them, I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

You need to drop the rope on running the household and get a full-time job. Your OH can pick up some of the responsibilities for now.

this will have two effects

1. he will be more impacted by his children’s behavior and may step up and start to parent
2. you will be in a better financial position so if he continues to not deal with the problems, you can separate households

Are you fucking serious?

Why are you putting up with this bullshit? And more importantly, why are you subjecting your poor, poor daughter to it? To the piss-stinking house, the shit attitude and the failure of a parent that is your partner?

Please leave. Save yourself, but more importantly, her.

Just take your DD and leave. Your DP sounds like a useless parent and he doesn't respect you if he lets his DS treat you like that. He won't change, the boys won't change, they'll grow into horrible entitled lazy men.

Thank you all for taking the time to comment. Today I have arranged for the days my dd and sc are here to not overlap. This will make things better for her whilst I get my ducks in a line.

Agree. Less likely 2 girls would get away with leaving piss on the bathroom floor and stinking of BO. This is why grown men leave skids in the toilet, don’t bother to flush and seem to think it’s the woman’s job to clean it up. Because they’re brought up to believe it’s ‘manly mess’ and a little woman somewhere will clean it up for them.

Good first step.

Suggest you also start keeping your own washing basket (keep it in your DD’s room if you like) and say you and DD are now doing your washing and OH can do his and DSS’s washing. Their laundry basket can get shifted to their room too.

Posted in the wrong place sorry

Good first step for her. Next you should look at going full time in your job. Do you need to buy him out? Could you and dd move to a smaller place and let him buy you out?

Good plan.
Your poor child.
So unfair for her.
What an awful role model for her.
Her mother skivvy to other children, cleaning up their shit/piss.
Where is your self respect?

You should be mortified for modelling that to her.
Is this all you want for her future?
Really?

Stop doing ANYTHING for the males in the house and tell your daughter why.
No laundry, cooking, shopping.
Look after your child only.

In a couple of decades time their wives will be posting on the Relationships board about their lazy misogynistic attitudes. Little Emporers will grow into entitled men