Would you say no

[Crystallizedring]

DH has a daughter from previous marriage. She is quite a bit older than our children.
DSD really doesn't enjoy school but has become more against it this year. She claims to be sick, has a migraine or period pains in order to get sent home.
I work very close to her school because of this DH will often call me to pick her up. When it was only occasionally I didn't mind but now it seems that DH and his ex just assume I will pick up as I'm selfish if I don't (it would take either of them an hour to pick up).
So I pick up but neither mum or dad come home early and obviously work are getting annoyed about me leaving work early.
On top of that I don't let DSD play on her technology when she is sick (I also have this rule for my children) but according to DH that is me being mean.
We had a row last week and I said I was no longer going to pick up DSD. If he doesn't like how I look after her he can do it. Or mum. Or her grandparents.
It's okay for me to say no isn't it? It's not really DSD that's the problem but the fact her parents think it's fine for me to risk my job by caring for their sick child.
I blame DH because for all I know he might have told his ex I'm fine with the arrangement but I'm really not.

Stay strong. You have absolutely done the right thing. He's only annoyed because his precious time is now being affected.

Like @excelledyourself said, ask him why his work and time is more important than yours. Why should you have to risk your job for his child who's clearly just at it but his life goes on undisturbed?

"Just to prove a point" - er, what? You're not trying to prove a point. You're trying to avoid getting sacked!

Do not doubt yourself for a single second.

And hold onto that job of yours. I have a feeling you're really going to need it because your husband sounds like a prick. Is this how he normally treats you? (And lets his ex treat you?)

This,

Well done @Crystallizedring. Hopefully now he will take the trouble to get to the root of what is making his daughter want to get sent home all the time (assuming she still does).

Good for you. Just say my employer said I can't keep leaving early you need to sort your own child. Job done. Don't engage outside of that, what a dick.

So Thursday you told him your work were getting fed up and you wouldn't pick your DSD up anymore, here we are four days later and he called you again. He really took your comments to heart, he must have hesitated for all of two minutes.
He, and his Ex, are both cheeky fuckers Op, let him huff and puff and try to emotionally blackmail you and just ignore it all. Time for him to learn a lesson 😂

Do not feel guilty, feel ANGRY that he's being such a fucking prick.

And hold firm. You did do the right thing, it is time for your prick of a husband to step up and be his daughter's father. To talk to her and get to the bottom of his daughter's increased tendency to feign / exagerate illness to get out of school. Let him prove he's not as much of a prick of a father as he is a prick of a husband.

Agree - don't feel guilty! He's the one that should feel bad for taking advantage of your kind nature and putting you in such a tricky position.

Stay strong. He sounds like an asshole.

Why is his job worth more then yours.

Your job is important OP. You did the right thing.

First of all, I agree with the OP's stance totally but I don't understand this....

'how I wouldn't do it if it were our DCs (obviously because they are my children).'

From reading the odd post on Step-parenting, I thought MN saw all step-parents as evil ogres unless they embraced all the 'blended' children as their own regardless of their age or behaviour? How is this different?

It's different because the SC has two parents who are totally shirking responsibility and passing it all to the step mother. OP isn't being a bad step mother and refusing to have anything to do with her step child. She has cared for her and obviously steps up as a step mother. The problem is that it's all on her and her job is being placed at risk by the biological parents who aren't lifting a finger. That's totally unfair and often people who would normally help out will say a flat 'no' when their goodwill is abused. The father should also be stepping up for their mutual children in turn.

I don't think everyone on here thinks this way. I certainly don't.

I don't think it's right at all to expect a step parent to be the one to do things like leave work to collect an ill step child when said child has two perfectly capable parents.

Stuff like this is an utter nuisance for parents up and down the country, leaving work when your kid is unwell, but it's par for the course of parenthood and you shouldn't get to pass the buck to someone else so you're unaffected, it's entitled as fuck.

If it's impacting your work then YANBU and the girls parents need to step up.
I think YABU about the tech use though. That's a bit petty.

@Lifestooshort71 I think the difference here is the Op isn't at home with her own DC and excluding the DSD, the Op has a job and her idle DH still thinks she should be the one leaving work to care for her.

You'd have been told on here that she has every right to do that because 'iTs nOt hER tiMeeeeee'

Personally I don't know what kind of mother would rather leave her own child stranded at nursery when the other parent is unwell than just heaven forbid parent outside of her allotted time slots.

But people are weird as fuck on here about "parenting time".

I honestly think you're a parent 100% of the time and if one parent is, for example, unwell its down to you as the child's other parent, not the step parent of the ill party, to look after your kid.

We have the same rule on tech (although tv is allowed), if you’re too unwell to be at school then you need to be resting up in bed. Obviously children will feign illness if they think they can sit at home gaming all day rather than be in lessons!

Totally agree with your stance on this. Maybe sitting outside the nurses office for an hour or more may make her change her attitude:- ie is she really that sick (or even sick at all) that she needs to leave school. When in primary school my eldest DD would frequently say she felt sick in school, I would be phoned to collect her. Work weren't happy with this happening frequently, as we walked out of the school she would skip along asking what was to eat when we got home. She just preferred being at home with me rather than school. The next time the school phoned me I told them phone me if she is actually sick, they didnt phone back and the regular phone calls stopped. Worth a try ??

If it was the OPs DC asking to go home at least once a week she would have the opportunity to investigate it further to find the route of the problem and deal with it. She can't do that with DSD and he parents are refusing to do anything about it either. It's not like they're all taking turns at collecting her and OP is now saying she won't, which would be perfectly within her rights, it'll all being put on OPs door and the parents are failing to take any responsibility for their own child.

Would I say no...no. Because DH wouldn't even ask me, he and ex-W would just work it out between them.

Fair enough (ish) if for example you were a SAHM and didn't have plans for that day, but even then I'd see it as a favour not as your 'job'.

He's a dick.

Stick to your guns.

Your DH is being a total twat and trying to guilt you into picking up HIS parenting responsibilities.

Ignore his sulking. Better still, when he gets like that, tell him to stop sulking and that you're not going to change your mind. His kid. His responsibilities.

Ask him why he thinks his job and his time is more important than yours.

If necessary, go on strike and stop doing anything for him until he apologises for being an arsehole.

Mumsnet does not demand that women facilitate men shirking their responsibilities within a single family, let alone a blended one.

I'd be so angry at his shitty attitude.
He's not speaking to you? I'll tell you the words he bloody should be speaking - " thank you for all the times you helped out and sorry for taking you for granted" .
He could stay not speaking to me for as long as it took for him to work that out and I'd enjoy the peace.
I'd also be stopping any other parental duties you've taken on for DSD. He needs a reset and to remember that he's the parent ultimately and any help you give him is out of kindness and caring for your family unit, not because it's ultimately your job as the Senior Vagina of the household.

Your husband is an utter scumbag. Surely you can't find this controlling, tantrumming loser attractive? So desperate to palm off his kid, he manipulates his latest woman in to providing labour.
You feeling guilty shows how badly skewed your standards and boundaries are. Tell you shit bloke that as a result of his behaviour you are considering whether it benefits you to continue the marriage. The prospect of having to parent 3 kids by himself will make his blood run cold.