Don’t want stepson all the time

[Sky1248]

I want to see if I’m being unreasonable at all and all comments are greatly welcomed!

I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years and when I first met my step son he was just turning 2! He was always very clingy to his dad and I always tried which sometimes I loved having him and sometimes I dreaded it!

we now have a 3 year old and 9 month old together and sometimes I appreciate the times it’s just me my husband and my kids however my husband is saying he wants our stepson included in everything and wants to invite him to absolutely everything! Even my 30th meal I said don’t worry about inviting him as he’s quite rude to my family that were coming but my husband was adamant he wanted him to come.

i have no person issue with my step son I do find him a bit spoilt and he has such a better life with his mum always doing nice things so I don’t know why my husband always wants him with us.

am I unreasonable to say I sometimes want to do things without him and just our kids?

Some people might find their own dcs rude and irritating, but you would then expect your dh/dp to actually remedy that by, you know, parenting them in a way that teaches them not to be rude? Bad parenting here if the dc is rude - by both mum and dad.

Haha so you can be rude to me, tell me I am talking shit because I don’t agree with you and then berate me for not being an adult … class .

Clearly someone with an axe to grind, totally agree!

Yep bad parenting by the actual mum and dad , not the step mum . She just has to suffer it and take responsibility for it. Nice one .

What’s your motivation ?

Oh do stop boring me.

It’s the same old with the step mum bashing.

They’re wrong for everything they feel.

They need to put up and shut up.

Everything should revolve around the step child even if that means your own children get treated differently.

And if these moaners want to live by their same old saying of “you knew what you were signing up for when you got with a man with kids” the same saying should go for motherhood. You knew what you were signing up for when you had a child so you are never ever allowed to moan or feel frustrated again!

Who said she has to take responsibility for the rude behaviour? But she should talk to her dh to ask that he get together with dss mum to actually discuss what they should do to sort out the apparent rudeness the op refers to. That’s what co-parenting is about. If you have a child and there’s a behavioural issue, then it should be addressed. It’s not a excuse for the op to permanently exclude her dss over it.

Exactly. Step mums should put up with all the shit and treat their step kids like gods.

When really all we want is to have some events without them around. Luckily my DH doesn’t feel like DSD has to be involved in everything we do and we have plenty of trips and holidays without her as well as with her. There can be a happy medium.

Op’s dcs are not getting treated differently in this situation? It’s her dss who she is asking to be treated differently.

i have no person issue with my step son I do find him a bit spoilt and he has such a better life with his mum always doing nice things so I don’t know why my husband always wants him with us

I suspect this is the one and only reason why having dss at every family occasion is an issue. Jealousy.

He is 8 and has been through a lot. He is not responsible for this. Ever.

100% this. He's a little boy who most likely doesn't remember having his dad around full-time.

It's only right that his dad wants to include him as much as possible. He's as much his child as the other two are.

Nobody's expecting him to be "treated like a god"!!!

And nobody is bashing step mums- if they accept the above.

If they don't - and expect an 8 year old not to be fully involved with family events, then, yes, and for good reasons.

With our kids he just doesn’t seem to be that engrossed in asking that much

Think about your conversations with a 3yr old and a 9 month old? Now compare them to the conversation with a 8/9yr old. Which works better?!

Your husband left his former partner. He didn't leave his child.

You knew he had a child.
You knew he shared custody.
You knew he wanted to be in the child's life.
You knew he was going to be part of whatever life you had with his father.

You knew all of this.

You say your children don't get any time with their father. He lives with them and they are babies!!! There's only so much you can do with a toddler compared to primary aged child.

Get a grip of yourself. Stop being so peevish and selfish.

Why does it matter if her kids are babies. Being a baby doesn’t mean they should get less time with their dad!

And you can still have a conversation with a 3 year old!

The OP isn’t the step kids family. She’s not mum or dad. She can have her birthday without her step kid around.

Family events yes - their stepmothers birthday, no - not if she doesn’t want them.

She can and her OH can rightfully disagree.

He can disagree but she’s not wrong. Step kid isn’t anyone to her. She wants it without him and she should rightfully have it that way considering it’s her day and not the step kids.

The father is looking out for his son ffs.

Yes they are.

I don't know why everyone is missing this.

Child one gets dedicated face times, one to one time at football training, dad taking just him to matches on Saturday and Sunday. And when you think child one is in FTE 5 days out of 7, that's a lot of dedicated time when you are one of three children to be considered.

The other children don't get one to one dedicated time with dad. But apparently that's ok because his bedroom is in the same house as theirs.

Disagree to what? That his kid has to come to her birthday, even though she doesn’t want him there?

This insanity is what happens in blended families - whipped up into a frenzy that the child’s feelings are the only feelings which matter, at all times.

Then they wonder why no one wants to be round those children.

@Rabbiehdbek

the step kid isn’t anything to her?? What? He’s her step child, her husband’s child and of course he’s her family and therefore someone to her. You can’t be with someone and have children with them and their other children be no one to you. If the bio mum has more kids with another partner; then they aren’t family, but a step child by definition is.

I completely see why your DH wants all of his children at special events. As somebody who grew up in a blended family and now also has a blended family, and I can’t imagine all of the children NOT being there for special events (including a step parents 30th birthday).

You’ve said in your update that your SS is there for two dinners and alternate weekends. That’s really not much at all. The ‘risk’ you take when marrying somebody who already has children, is that they could at some point in the future end up living with you 100% of the time.

I really hope that your SS doesn’t pick up on your attitude towards him.