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Step-parenting

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Original poster

HELP! Brothers wedding and Girlfriends children!

64 replies

jenglish · 22/02/2024 16:05

I have been with my partner for around 3 years now and she has 2 children from a previous relationship. We do not live together and I see them 2-3 nights a week at most. I have a good relationship with them. I also have a child of my own.

My brother has invited GF, Son and I to his wedding in Thailand for 7 days in september. he is renting a villa for my parents and our other 2 siblings and their partners and kids. He is paying for everything including the flights.

So I have told my girlfriend, she wants to go but her ex is a very unreasonable man. most likely he will say no to having their kids for the time. So I said that he has been given enough notice for him to arrange something. As she knows that he will say no, she has come back with "oh you just got with your son". my response was that her kids have a dad and that he should have them. The conversation ended with her saying that "we come as a package" referring that she would like her kids to come if the ex does not have them. My point is that first of all, we are not married. My brother has never seen them/interacted with them. they have not been to any family events bar my sons birthday around a year ago. the total per person for the whole trip is costing around 11k per person. money isnt the issue here, my brother is wealthy and if he wouldnt cover it, I would happily pay, my only issue is if my brother says no to them coming, and my partner then has an issue with that then it would be detrimental to our relationship. I am very close to my my parents and siblings. What do I do?

OP posts:

Illpickthatup · 22/02/2024 16:10

You go with your son.

I agree that you can't expect your bother to pay for 2 kids he doesn't know but you also can't force their father to take them. It sounds like your GF already knows that there's no way he will take his kids and as shit as that is, there's not much you can do about it.

MzHz · 22/02/2024 16:11

your girlfriend has said she’d like to come but won’t have childcare, she ‘s said for you to go with your son.

do that.

MzHz · 22/02/2024 16:13

Your brother might say no, and by the looks of it your girlfriend WONT have an issue with it.

even if she did, so what, if your 3yr relationship is that fragile, better call it a day now before a REAL problem comes your way.

You’re being wet about this. Pack it in and just take your child and enjoy Thailand with your family.

Trisolaris · 22/02/2024 16:13

As the previous posters have said - she has given you the solution and you are being inflexible by refusing to accept it.

LipstickLil · 22/02/2024 16:16

What do you do? You stop making a drama when your GF has given you her blessing to go to this wedding without her. You can't force her ex to have their DC and she has said she's happy not to go. So there's your solution. Job done!

Pleasegotobed · 22/02/2024 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

jenglish · 22/02/2024 16:38

my point is that yes, I would. But they have no relationship with my brother and it is an intimate event, only immediate family and his best friend have been invitied. its also on the other side of the world - not 30 miles down the road. GF is definitely annoyed about not being able to go. Also, they do have a father, who should co-operate and step up to have the kids for the 7 days. Lastly, he wouldn't agree for them to go anyway! The reason I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place is that I do not want my GF to be annoyed and at the same time I dont want to upset my family.

OP posts:

SemperIdem · 22/02/2024 16:38

Just go with your son. Have a nice time.

Don’t cause a drama where there isn’t one.

kiwiane · 22/02/2024 16:40

Yes just go with your son and be happy

HappyAsAGrig · 22/02/2024 16:43

Go with your son.

Your GF is being a CF to invite her children along when your brother, the groom, didn’t invite them. If her ex won’t have them so she can join you in Thailand, fair enough, go alone with your son.

Ponderingwindow · 22/02/2024 16:45

There is no dilemma here.
your girlfriend can’t travel with the children which is good because it seems they aren’t invited, so no conflict there.

Your girlfriend can’t magic up childcare for a week and travel with you. You are an adult and can attend a wedding by yourself. So no conflict there.

The only issue is that you are trying to dictate the relationship between your girlfriend and the father of her children.

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 22/02/2024 16:47

Surely you knew he was a prize prick already? Why would such a man enable his ex to have a great holiday?

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 22/02/2024 16:48

You can tell her what their dad should be doing all you like, she can't make him, and she can't pull childcare for that long out of thin air either.

She said you go with your son, you continued to go on and on about something outwith her control, and have now created this situation.

Lovingitallnow · 22/02/2024 16:49

You go to the wedding on your own? That's what she's suggested. It's a pain but that's life. Not many parents can go away for a week without kids whether they're single parents or in a relationship. If I was invited to a Thailand wedding solo I wouldn't be going. That's life.

iwannacoolrider · 22/02/2024 16:50

Just go with your own child and don't make her feel bad about her ex being useless, that's not her fault.

lunar1 · 22/02/2024 16:52

Your girlfriend can't make her ex be a decent, reliable parent. She has no childcare, just go with your son.

Iwasafool · 22/02/2024 16:52

MzHz · 22/02/2024 16:11

your girlfriend has said she’d like to come but won’t have childcare, she ‘s said for you to go with your son.

do that.

Seems perfectly reasonable.

Illpickthatup · 22/02/2024 16:52

jenglish · 22/02/2024 16:38

But it sounds like she is annoyed by her ex not you. How can she be annoyed at you? You've given her no reason to be annoyed.

BigFluffyHoodie · 22/02/2024 16:53

The obvious way out of this is to offer to pay for your GF's children to come with you, if your brother would agree to that.

Then, if their father kicks off and doesn't let them, it's not on you.

Daisy12Maisie · 22/02/2024 16:55

Go with your son. It's annoying when people say make the kids dad do x. Crap dads won't look after them and someone telling you to ask them is not helpful.

Illpickthatup · 22/02/2024 16:56

BigFluffyHoodie · 22/02/2024 16:53

The obvious way out of this is to offer to pay for your GF's children to come with you, if your brother would agree to that.

Then, if their father kicks off and doesn't let them, it's not on you.

If the mother is has a "lives with" order then she doesn't need the dad's permission to take them. If she doesn't and the father has PR then she can simply apply for a court order to take them. The father would need to provide good reason why the kids shouldn't go.

SingsongSu · 22/02/2024 16:58

Just go with your son. You can’t expect your brother to pay for her kids too and if their father won’t let them go anyway, it’s a problem that’s kind of already resolved.
Sounds amazing though!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/02/2024 16:58

. So I said that he has been given enough notice for him to arrange something. As she knows that he will say no, she has come back with "oh you just got with your son". my response was that her kids have a dad and that he should have them

What was the point in pushing that?

She told you just to go with your son.

It doesn’t matter what her ex should do, she’s being realistic about what he will or won’t do. You badgering about what he should do is simply going to make her feel defensive as what’s she supposed to do about it?

In your shoes I’d apologise for pushing her and go with your son.

ThisSideOfTheLight · 22/02/2024 17:00

The reason I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place is that I do not want my GF to be annoyed and at the same time I dont want to upset my family.

You don't even live together. Why on earth is this an issue. Your GF can't go as she has children - who also cannot go, for whatever reason. This should be the end of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2024 17:06