8 months pregnant. Partner wants me to have nothing to do with my 2 older children

[callmerach]

please no lecture just honest opinions.
Left my partner of 12 years, in new relationship with man half my age. 8 months pregnant from new relationship. He has moved in with me.
I have 2 older children who do not live with me, 19 & 17. my dp is only 18.
My relationship was strained with my 2 children initially but has improved vastly during the last 6 months and they are now neither interested or disinterested in my relationship.

Same can not be said about dp. Dp is demanding i have nothing to do with my 2 older children. He wants just me him and baby.
He is embarrassed i have a child older than him. She is pregnant and he won't even allow me to tell his family as again he is embarrassed i am to be a grandmother.

Naturally i want to be there for my children and in doing so he says i am putting him 2nd and i obviously don't love him enough.

I am sad and desperatly upset by this situation. I realise this is my own doing, but i am cross as my two children were never any secret when this guy was getting involved with me. I realised his age may make our relationship difficult but never imagined it would be due to my children who incidently i love very much even if i dont see them very often.

I am faced with an ultimatum, stay with him and build a life for my baby but lose my 2 children or tell him no i will not and cope bringing baby up on my own.
I feel bitterly let down. Does anyone have any constructive advice please ?

erm.... why is everyone picking on the OP?

None of you know anything about why this person didn't want to be with their ex husband. Give her a break.

callmerach is not asking you to make judgements about her past based upon your imagination, she' s asking for advice about her kids, she's asking for help.

callmerach My thoughts are that you need to be firm with your partner about how much you love your older children and tell him you are not prepared to sacrifice your relationship with them. I hope by doing this you manage to sort things out in a way that doesn't cause the break-up of your new relationship. If he has any sense he will realise how rediculously he is behaving. Explain to him maybe that once your child is born he will understand the love of a parent for their child and that your older children are neither a threat nor a bargaining tool.

I hopeyou sort it out

i found aveeno oil really good for it too. Thanks for the comment wish i was either! Its nice to meet people that are not afraid to have an opinion. Sleep tight too x

Very worthy.

That was to beanie, btw.

lol at desi you little minx you!

I am sorry you got so angry CMR but I suspect it is a little misdirected...

I genuinely didn't think in this lifetime that a grown woman would seriously be debating to cut her two children out of her life for the sake of an 18 year old boyfriend new on the scene.
Oh and for the record I genuinely only thought children got a "lunchbox" packed for them.
I honestly thought it was a wind-up. That it isn't leaves me feeling a litlle ill. Guess I should get out more

i'm sorry but stil pmsl at ledodgy's sportacus comment

callmerach - you don't really need to ask our opinion, do you?

I can't say I think there's anything very weird about having a boyfriend who is half your age/18 years younger than yourself. I have known some very happy marriages with similar age differences (and no, it hasn't always been the man being the older partner). It's a question of personal maturity. Some people have that at 18, others don't have it at 88.

But I do think it would be weird to cut your children out of your life because of the vanity of your boyfriend. You two need to do some serious talking.

I never came back to this thread after I attempted to answer politely and helpfully.

who is Desiderata? and why is she/he able to get away with being so nasty?

I wonder what his parents make of it all?

But I'm not one to judge - my last ex suggested some pretty haircurling things to me re my daughter/family/us and I'll still around (albeit not with him).

I think some straight talking wouldn't go amiss and certainly before the baby is born. I imagine he feels wobbly at being a potential step-grandfather before he's really a parent as well.

Tell him to f*ck right off, ultimatums are for losers, his problem why should you suffer. Good luck.

My jaw has been picked up off the floor.

I tend to agree with Moondog, But perhaps you should try the Madamez approach first. If he persists in wanting to be number 1 then Moondog all the way.