Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Ex having Key to the house

106 replies

Poledog8877 · 08/01/2024 16:15

Finally have an offer accepted on a house with my partner after having our own places for 3 years!!!

Was talking about getting the keys and he mentioned getting one for his ex

Both have keys at the moment for dropping off and collecting forgotten items which is practical. Understand everything needs to work for the kids but I don’t like the idea of his nosey ex having access to my home.

Is that unreasonable? What could work instead? I want to make my step kids feel comfortable and their lives easy but this feels too much

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 29/01/2024 16:52

Burntouted · 29/01/2024 16:36

Tbh, respectfully...both are piss poor parents. ..all of this inserting others in their young children's life, separating, different homes, mother and father possibly behaving inappropriately, etc... is too much on the children. ..they're living in utter confusion and dysfunction.

Respectfully, the best thing to do...for the children's sake . Is to leave him alone permanently.

Why did you intentionally go after this guy, instead of going for someone completely single and childless?
Don't understand why you thought this was a good idea to become involved with him

What is your problem with people with kids dating and having relationships? The vast majority of relationships don't work out. Many of those involve kids. Do you think everyone with a kid should just be single until their kid moves out?

In OPs situation there is obviously a problem with boundaries but I don't see why they can't move forward with agreed boundaries including the ex not having a key.

Burntouted · 29/01/2024 17:06

Yes I do strongly believe that single people with small children at home shouldn't have serious relationships untill their children move out.

I believe in single parents with children only strictly having casual relationships that doesn't involve inserting the children , in any way..until legal age.

It shouldn't be a big deal to prioritize the well being and mental health of children, and while also prioritizing the parent. Single parents with children living at home can have meaningful casual relationships without forcing a stranger and interrupting the peace and sanctuary of the home and children(if there is to begin with).

All in the best interest of the children.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 29/01/2024 17:12

Burntouted · 29/01/2024 17:06

Yes I do strongly believe that single people with small children at home shouldn't have serious relationships untill their children move out.

I believe in single parents with children only strictly having casual relationships that doesn't involve inserting the children , in any way..until legal age.

It shouldn't be a big deal to prioritize the well being and mental health of children, and while also prioritizing the parent. Single parents with children living at home can have meaningful casual relationships without forcing a stranger and interrupting the peace and sanctuary of the home and children(if there is to begin with).

All in the best interest of the children.

You're not living in the real world.

excelledyourself · 29/01/2024 18:09

@Burntouted

*The children aren't going to take it well that you're moving in, and being in their lives. Don't blend families...
*
How can say this with such certainty?

I believe in single parents with children only strictly having casual relationships that doesn't involve inserting the children , in any way..until legal age.

Legal age for what? And why does that age make a difference?

Illpickthatup · 29/01/2024 20:59

Burntouted · 29/01/2024 17:06

Yes I do strongly believe that single people with small children at home shouldn't have serious relationships untill their children move out.

I believe in single parents with children only strictly having casual relationships that doesn't involve inserting the children , in any way..until legal age.

It shouldn't be a big deal to prioritize the well being and mental health of children, and while also prioritizing the parent. Single parents with children living at home can have meaningful casual relationships without forcing a stranger and interrupting the peace and sanctuary of the home and children(if there is to begin with).

All in the best interest of the children.

I beg to differ. Some step-parents have a hugely positive effect on their stepkids. I don't think introducing a step-parent is always damaging and destructive if done correctly and with the kids needs in mind.

My stepkids witnessed the dysfunctional and volatile relationship their parents had. They now have a chance to witness a healthy loving relationship and can grow up knowing what that looks like. So many people end up in and stay in abusive relationships because it's the norm for them, it's what they witnessed as a child.

They now have an extra person to love them, to confide in and who supports their dad to be the best dad he can be. I love my stepkids like they were my own. My DSD even tells people she's has 2 mummies.

My DSDs little friend has a stepdad who is everything her own dad isn't. Her dad lets her down constantly, is in and out of jobs, lives with his mum and abuses drugs and alcohol. She now has a positive male role model in her life and she adores him.

thestepmumspacepodcast · 30/01/2024 09:26

Totally up to you, it's your home too.

My ex used to leave a key somewhere where I knew where it was if needed. Think we used it a couple of times but I always opened the lock for DS and sent him in to the home to get his stuff while I waited outside.

Suggestions of lockable boxes / sheds are a good idea.

I guess it all depends on your set up! x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page