SD HATES her dad! What to do?

[hllxx]

My step daughter is 2.5yrs old, met her when she was just over 1, and the past few weeks she has shown a sudden, strong dislike to her father (my bf). We have her EOW and Wednesdays for a few hours and every time he picks her up she will scream as loud as possible, hit, kick, punch, scratch, she even scratched his face that much that he was bleeding. She refuses to have him anywhere near her. She has become extremely clingy to me, to the point where if I simply stand up she will shout my name. She will hit her dad and tell him to go away if he goes near her, and closes the doors on him so it's just me and her and will push at the door so he can't come in and shout if he tries. She won't play with him either. She has been calling me mummy recently almost all the time too. Her mother has had a new baby a few weeks ago, could this be affecting her behaviour towards her dad in any way? What can we do to help stop this behaviour towards her dad? I spoke to her about the hitting and asked her why, she said "daddy is nasty" but I can't imagine how. It's hard for him as she will scream if he sits even remotely near her. Any advice on what we can do?

Your partner needs to forget about discipline/rules and make the connection with his daughter his entire focus. She's absolutely tiny and if they're not having positive interactions, the ONLY input she's getting from him is being put in the naughty corner. No wonder she's so anti-him.

Cajoling her into playing with him isn't going to work, PP's suggestion of him playing alongside her is excellent. Say, for example, the activity is playing with bricks. He can just sit near her and start building a tower, narrating what he's doing to no one in particular. You can then exclaim over the amazingness of his tower, she might feel like coming over to have a look. When things improve a bit, he might get 'stuck' and wonder aloud if there's someone who could help him. I wouldn't encourage her to play with him, the aim should be that she gradually observes him, sees he's a safe person who does fun things, and gradually become comfortable interacting with him. I'd make the goal for interactions to be non-negative at first if they can't be wholly positive.

You sound lovely but your DP sounds clueless. I'd also be worried about the mum's new partner so I'd keep a close eye on DSD and report any new changes in behaviour.

People rightfully complain about Disney dads who want to be the fun patient all the time. But in this situation that's what he needs to be, though hopefully temporarily.
Playing alongside her is a good start, and@shreddednips offers some good ideas.
I still think you need to step back a little though, and allow him in. Better still, be a good time model on how you interact with him and bring him into activities or conversations that you're having with his DD. If she sees you enjoying his company, wanting him around and inviting him into your relationship, hopefully she'll feel more confident and easy having him around.

Also don't 'rescue him' when things aren't going well. It's like dads with new babies. If the mum is too quick to relieve dad when the baby's whinging or whatever, he never gets to learn the skills and the baby doesn't get to trust him.

Hopefully the court would have checked mums new partners background in-order for them to rule him out as a problem, but I agree that OP should defo try and do a Clares law for purposes of stepchild's safety (or it might be better if DP is the one who does it)

@hllxx
I'm surprised the SS are not more involved with/or monitoring mum and new partner regarding safety of new baby (and 2.5 yr old) considering he is banned from seeing his 4 yr old due to DV etc

How is the baby’s relationship with her stepfather? Maybe he scares her and she is scared of all men as a result. I would be looking into this.

Whereas this might also be the case from what the op says about his parenting she has many reasons to be scared of him too.