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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Do I go against my better judgement or stick to my guns..

53 replies

bellsandwhistles333 · 07/09/2023 22:14

So my SS 16 (17 next March if that matters) had got his first girlfriend 2 months ago. He's very loved up and me and his dad have been really excited for him gave him money for date ms etc and asked lots of questions we are lucky he's mostly open and happily to talk.
She's been over to our house about 4/5 times and stayed the whole day Saturdays, had tea etc and we've played a few games aa a family here. Overall we like her and are letting it happily play out from a distance.
Now 3 weeks away his mum and stepdad and the girlfriends mum decided they could both sleep over together at both houses pretty much whenever, so of course they have been attached at the hip since.

Issue is I've been very open I don't think staying overnight is something that should be happening yet... not it's not all about sex I know you don't have to be in a bed at night to do that but it's more I just feel it's a lot at 16 to be with someone this intensely. Dad and I both drive and are happy to take her home late ish so 11/12 max but I feel it's coming to a head where he will not stay as much because if this... his dad will allow the staying but is backing me as I really don't want it.

Opinions please? What would you guys do / suggest? Just for info SS Is lovely and understands and hasn't demanded anything but odd things have been said and I can see it coming

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 07/09/2023 22:18

Its not really up to you what happens in peoples houses they are both legal.

Myneighboursarewankers · 07/09/2023 22:21

I don’t see why it would be a problem? Let them be happy

2chocolateoranges · 07/09/2023 22:22

Personally wouldn’t have allowed a boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over at 16. Teenagers need their space too and sometimes young love can be intense and so I would happily run the other person home. I do understand your view.

18 is a different kettle of fish though.

tescocreditcard · 07/09/2023 22:22

I wouldn't. If his mum and her parents are happy to do so then let them do it

RadioFoot · 07/09/2023 22:23

Compromise? Limit the frequency?

TomatoSandwiches · 07/09/2023 22:24

I wouldn't have sleep overs with bf/gf at that age either, they do need some space from each other, joined at the hip is not healthy imo.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/09/2023 22:24

Do you have young children? I definitely wouldn't allow it either as things become too intense and if they break up there is a whole other level of heartbreak as so connected.

Babyghirl · 07/09/2023 22:27

@bellsandwhistles333
I agree with you, at 16 new girlfriends will come and go, and im damed if I will be letting a new girl trail through my home every other month, at the end of the day its your home to you have a say.

@PrimalOwl10
It's ops home aswell of course she has a say in the matter, hate people getting up on you just have to put up with it, I pay half of the mortgage in my home and I will be getting a say on what goes on in it, nt bowing down just to keep the sks happy, if I wouldn't let my own do it I won't be letting them do it end of.

hennybeans · 07/09/2023 22:28

I agree that it’s too intense for that age and inappropriate. I would invite them for dinner, out places, etc but make it clear she isn’t spending the night. Maybe that will mean they both go elsewhere at midnight or just dss stays. Hopefully after a while the excitement will wane and occasionally dss will choose to sleep there even when gf can’t.

Original poster
bellsandwhistles333 · 07/09/2023 22:32

We have his 17 yr old sister here full time and I've got a 5 year old with his dad. To be honest a random one off would be ok with me but I feel then it would become expected...

I fully agree it's very intense as young first love always is I remember my own! But there was no way in hell either of us were sleeping over with each other till we were 19 I think the first time was

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 22:32

I guess taking the intense/sex side of it away if it would mean having another person around every time he is staying with you both that alone might get annoying if it is too much

So maybe sometimes?

Original poster
bellsandwhistles333 · 07/09/2023 22:32

@Myneighboursarewankers I want them to be happy of course but surely that's not dependent on sleeping together constantly

OP posts:
Original poster
bellsandwhistles333 · 07/09/2023 22:33

And again I mean bed sleeping not sex sleeping.....

OP posts:
Original poster
bellsandwhistles333 · 07/09/2023 22:35

@WandaWonder that's the other thing she's painfully shy and is a complete nightmare with food so she's not the easiest house guest but I'm happy to work round these things but it couldn't be a full weekend Fri-sun

OP posts:
Therunecaster · 07/09/2023 22:36

I disagree. Relationships for teens, particularly since the pandemic are super important and if healthy protective. They are going to have sex... regardless.

Babyghirl · 07/09/2023 23:00

@Therunecaster
Yes, but that does not mean op has to just shut up and allow something in her home she is uncomfortable with, people seem to forget it's her home to and she has to feel comfortable in it.

Asyousayit · 08/09/2023 00:14

I would be a bit old fashioned and say yes she can sleep over one night a week but in separate beds.

TheShellBeach · 08/09/2023 00:24

Asyousayit · 08/09/2023 00:14

I would be a bit old fashioned and say yes she can sleep over one night a week but in separate beds.

Do you think that would stop them having sex?

Asyousayit · 08/09/2023 00:27

Not necessarily but teaches ground rules and a bit of respect and gives them space. Especially if you have a chat with them before hand. They can still have a relationship but still be respectful under someone else's roof.

Mumof4plusbonus · 08/09/2023 01:00

Not a chance, they are only together 2 months, and you have a small child. I have raised 3 children past that age and only 1 has had a girlfriend stay and they were at least 18/19 and together a long time. Even then it was limited. He could have a new girlfriend next month, are you going to let her stay too?

MeridianB · 08/09/2023 06:56

It would be a no from me. Too soon, too young, and your 5yo doesn’t need to hear them bonking.

Is your DH worried his DS will stop coming to yours if you say no?

MzHz · 08/09/2023 07:09

PrimalOwl10 · 07/09/2023 22:18

Its not really up to you what happens in peoples houses they are both legal.

Wtaf? What the hell have I just read? @bellsandwhistles333 has a say what goes on in her home!

dss mother doesn’t get to make decisions about what goes on in someone else’s household.

in your op, you said “odd things have been said” what did you mean @bellsandwhistles333

Nightsku · 08/09/2023 07:12

I wouldn’t allow it in my home.

RedHelenB · 08/09/2023 07:16

My 15/16 year old were allowed and weren't " joined at the hip". Personally if his parents are happy with it I don't see why you get the veto.

Thelonelygiraffe · 08/09/2023 07:19

I didn't allow my dc to have partners sleep over at that age either, especially after such a short relationship. I agree with you.

All you can do is ensure you stick to your rules at your house, keep communication open with dss, and ensure he has condoms.