What am I doing wrong???

[JustTryingtobeReasonable]

DP and his ex have a baby. She left him while she was pregnant.

She wanted him to have contact every weekend and he agreed. I’ve tried my best to accommodate this and help.

Baby is formula fed cow and gate, she usually sends powder in a little pot but when I’d gone shopping I saw the same milk in little bottles already prepared (first milk) so had got a few as thought it would be easier. We used them over the weekend and I sent the rest back in the bag as thought they may be handy for her to have ? She called DP having a go what are they he said is picked them up and what was the issue as they are the same but she said I changed her baby’s milk??

I do some night feeds and she doesn’t like that but DP is a heavy sleeper so I do the 3 am feed usually . She said she will get a court order that the feeds are all to be done by DP, that he should be in the spare room with the cot not the cot in our room. Wanted to know have i changed nappies and if so not to anymore. Apparently someone had seen us out and I was pushing the pram and that will now be forbidden too as only DP should.

When she came to collect the last time baby was asleep on me as she had been a bit unsettled so I’d been walking about. She was angry. Told me it’s not my baby and I need to back off and let DP see his child . That she didn’t go through pregnancy and birth alone to enable me to play mummy.

Im trying my best but she hates me

I don’t understand about the milk either it’s the exact same ?

There is a massive difference between a dad having contact with his young baby, and having a new girlfriend playing mummy with your newborn.

For all of your sakes, leave your boyfriend to be a dad on his time, he can do all the feeding, changing, shopping, setting of his baby. You can pass him drinks or cook dinner if you really want to help him.

Not blaming you at all, but this man needs to learn to be a dad, not pass all his responsibilities to you.

Instincts are very strong in the months after giving birth, I'm generally a very easy going person, but the extent of your involvement would have me in an absolute rage I imagine.

She's just jealous. She can be as pissed off as she likes but she can't dictate how your DP looks after his child on his time. She can't stop you feeding the baby or pushing a pram. What happens on DPs time is none of her business as long as the baby is not in any danger.

You're doing nothing wrong. She would have the same attitude regardless of who your DP was with so try not to take it personally.

Sounds like she didn't want to be with him but also doesn't want anyone else to either. She's maybe regretting her decision to go it alone but that's her shit to deal with.

I'd recommend that your DP gets his parenting time court ordered or at least a legal agreement in place as she seems like the type to withhold access put of spite.

I imagine it must be hard for her watching her ex and his new partner play happy families but she's just going to have to put her big girl pants on and suck it up.

I just can't get over why on earth you would sign up for this?? What is in it for you? It really seems like you are throwing your life away on this man, he is right at the beginning of his parenting journey with maximum baggage including an ex that will do her best to make your life hell. You will spend every weekend of your life parenting somebody else's baby, and babies are hard work. You can't have been together that long if he has a baby. So why not just let the relationship go, find someone without this baggage and have your own baby if you want one??

This.

It is really hard to believe that anyone would move someone into their home after 5 minutes.

God help you OP, that you would place such little value on your own life.

Of course you are being used, for your home and free childcare.

Hard to believe this woman would insist suchva young baby is away from her every weekend.

What an utter mess.

The whole point and only benefit for baby to be coming to dad is for them to bond and dad to get used to being a dad. Otherwise, baby might as well be with mum full time.

youve only been together a few months and there is benefit to baby to establish a strong bond with you. If anything, it could be traumatic for baby of you then separated.

Babies are cute and it's nice to play with them but mum is correct. This is bonding time for dad and baby and you need to step away and only help in limited occasions.

This is a lot of baggage, OP, and I agree with others that you need to maintain perspective on what you want amid all this drama.

BF needs a DNA test. To be certain.

I'm shocked that a mum would want to be away from her baby so soon, especially overnight. But as she is insisting then I agree he needs to really focus on his role over the weekends and be the main carer.

However, the baby's mum has ZERO say in what happens in your home during contact, so long as her child is safe and cared for. So ignore all the demands about you not feeding. holding or even pushing the pram. And tell your BF to stop passing this rubbish on.

Letting him do pick-ups and drop-offs on his own is wise. No need for you to be in the line of fire here.