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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Drop in income means drop in maintenence- or aibu?

296 replies

goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:42

Name changed recently as I posted on style and beauty and someone might recognise the outfit!

Anyway. DH works contracts- he always has. His pay increases or stays the same with each contract. It lasts about 2-3 years per contract. He increases his maintenence payments in line with the cms calculator each time.

He is struggling to find the next contract- demand has fallen and competition for the roles has increased. So he's started looking into permanent positions. These all seem to come with a lower salary.

He's started applying and gave the ex a heads up that in 3 months he's going to have to look at the maintenance and as he's looking for a permanent position for stability it will probably go down.

All hell has broken loose - she claims maintenance should stay the same even if I have to subsidise it.

For info as I know everyone hates a drip feed. he and I both have well paid jobs. We have one shared DC. We have mortgage. Ex works term time only (not a teacher) and has no mortgage or rental commitments. DSC are all at secondary school.

Aibu to think its ridiculous for her to expect him to keep a career decision made 15+ years ago when they were together and she'll just have to accept the drop on maintenance?

OP posts:
Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:01

mondaytosunday · 10/08/2023 09:00

My late husband was a city lawyer and his salary went up and down. His financial settlement happened after a few good years - two years later world wide economic forces and he was making 25% less, plus we now had two kids and his eldest moved in. He requested officially to reduce her alimony to reflect this (reduction in earnings, not circumstances) but it wasn't allowed. Not dictated by CMS, she got £75k/year (plus a house with no mortgage, pension, car...).

Yes its that sort of scenario but with contracts and he has always gone the same or increased salary

OP posts:
Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:02

arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 09:01

What's the point of paying more?
Have you really just written that?!?
The point is so that his children get a better quality of life and more opportunities.

They don't need a better quality of life. If they did their mum would work more.

OP posts:
HaPPy8 · 10/08/2023 09:03

I think it depends a bit on the numbers involved.

does he have them for overnights etc?

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 10/08/2023 09:05

@goldensquaresofjoy you said she works in a school but isn't a teacher. So a T.A or admin position? How can she work more? We need T.As, good ones are like gold dust! And it's stressful.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:05

HaPPy8 · 10/08/2023 09:03

I think it depends a bit on the numbers involved.

does he have them for overnights etc?

He has them evert other weekend and in the holidays we have them 50/50. If she wants to work holidays I'd be happy to look after them the other 50% if that will help. I'll be looking after my kid anyway.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2023 09:06

She could get a better paid or second job. How’s she going to support herself when he’s no longer paying maintenance?

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:08

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 10/08/2023 09:05

@goldensquaresofjoy you said she works in a school but isn't a teacher. So a T.A or admin position? How can she work more? We need T.As, good ones are like gold dust! And it's stressful.

That's great but it's not my husbands job to subsidise that. No not a TA. Her career choice is none of our business but simply included on thread to highlight that there is capacity in her working pattern for extra income should it be required.

OP posts:
Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:08

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2023 09:06

She could get a better paid or second job. How’s she going to support herself when he’s no longer paying maintenance?

Exactly. Or if he dies.

OP posts:
FloweryName · 10/08/2023 09:08

To be fair to her, other expenses your DH has will stay the same so why is it the one to his children that is the first to be reduced?

Whether the ex is reasonable or not depends on how much she is currently getting and how much it is going to be reduced by. No one can make a judgement without that information.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:09

FloweryName · 10/08/2023 09:08

To be fair to her, other expenses your DH has will stay the same so why is it the one to his children that is the first to be reduced?

Whether the ex is reasonable or not depends on how much she is currently getting and how much it is going to be reduced by. No one can make a judgement without that information.

No they won't. We split according to our income. So the expenses will stay the same ill just be paying a higher %

OP posts:
JaukiVexnoydi · 10/08/2023 09:09

Yanbu that if income goes down then child support goes down, but if he's been using the CMS figure all along for years then that's been derisorily low. A good dad would have been giving significantly more than the cms figure ever since the split (increasing in line with income) and yes it would now go down a bit. But if the starting point was far too low to start with and the increases over the years have brought it up to a level where its just about possible for his kids needs to be met, and now he wants to drop back down to "totally inadequate" then yabu.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 09:11

goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:02

They don't need a better quality of life. If they did their mum would work more.

Show quote history

She has three children and works term time. Unless you’re about to drip feed you have them half of all the holidays and share holiday club costs/admin then no she can’t just work more, sounds like she’s pretty much doing the maximum.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:12

It will drop by about £100 a month. 2 kids

OP posts:
TeddyBeans · 10/08/2023 09:12

Just gonna chime in that CMS don't change the amount of maintenance paid unless income changes by more than 25% in either direction so if your DH was going by official channels then unless he takes a 25% pay decrease, his maintenance payments wouldn't go down

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:14

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 09:11

She has three children and works term time. Unless you’re about to drip feed you have them half of all the holidays and share holiday club costs/admin then no she can’t just work more, sounds like she’s pretty much doing the maximum.

Show quote history

It's not a drip feed I forgot to mention they are her every other weekend and half the holidays. I don't see why she can't get an all year round job if she needs it. Loads of people do. Anyway. It's not up to us what she does as a career.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/08/2023 09:14

harriethoyle · 10/08/2023 08:53

Nope. She's definitely BU. There's no way you are responsible for subsidising her. Stupid woman.

Not subsidising her, subsidising her sdc, which of course legally she doesn't have to do. However, if OPs dh can afford to keep child support the same I think he should do so, the child's needs don't decrease juat because his earnings do.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:14

TeddyBeans · 10/08/2023 09:12

Just gonna chime in that CMS don't change the amount of maintenance paid unless income changes by more than 25% in either direction so if your DH was going by official channels then unless he takes a 25% pay decrease, his maintenance payments wouldn't go down

It's not official. That seems a very high % though

OP posts:
FloweryName · 10/08/2023 09:14

goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:09

No they won't. We split according to our income. So the expenses will stay the same ill just be paying a higher %

Show quote history

So you’re happy to pay for your other expenses to go up, but not the most important one related to his children? Nice.

Again, it really does depend on how much maintenance the ex is already receiving and how much it’s going to be reduced by.

asterdaisy · 10/08/2023 09:15

He is n a well paid job and pays the legal minimum. You haven't put figures as we all know he will be paying very little out of a large salary. A dad is supposed to put their kids first, not just do the legal minimum.

TallulahBetty · 10/08/2023 09:17

But you're both high earners anyway (despite him now earning less) and have no mortgage costs - yet he is only paying the legal minimum as it is? Wow, what a catch he is.

asterdaisy · 10/08/2023 09:17

TeddyBeans · 10/08/2023 09:12

Just gonna chime in that CMS don't change the amount of maintenance paid unless income changes by more than 25% in either direction so if your DH was going by official channels then unless he takes a 25% pay decrease, his maintenance payments wouldn't go down

If I was her I would be making it official. This is a man who is going to pay as little as possible

TallulahBetty · 10/08/2023 09:18

TallulahBetty · 10/08/2023 09:17

But you're both high earners anyway (despite him now earning less) and have no mortgage costs - yet he is only paying the legal minimum as it is? Wow, what a catch he is.

Sorry - re-read. It's the ex with no mortgage.

The rest of my post still stands.

Uptoyou34 · 10/08/2023 09:18

TallulahBetty · 10/08/2023 09:17

But you're both high earners anyway (despite him now earning less) and have no mortgage costs - yet he is only paying the legal minimum as it is? Wow, what a catch he is.

Wrong. They do have a mortgage. Ex wife does not. It's totally besides the point anyway....

So she's accepted the higher amounts when he earns more but kicks up a stink if it's reduced slightly and people are defending this??

asterdaisy · 10/08/2023 09:19

And he is going to pay £25 less a week for two children in spite of having a well paid job. What a prince.

Uptoyou34 · 10/08/2023 09:19

asterdaisy · 10/08/2023 09:17

If I was her I would be making it official. This is a man who is going to pay as little as possible

Show quote history

Christ alive! He literally increased the amount when his salary went up and you're still saying this?