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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Drop in income means drop in maintenence- or aibu?

296 replies

goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:42

Name changed recently as I posted on style and beauty and someone might recognise the outfit!

Anyway. DH works contracts- he always has. His pay increases or stays the same with each contract. It lasts about 2-3 years per contract. He increases his maintenence payments in line with the cms calculator each time.

He is struggling to find the next contract- demand has fallen and competition for the roles has increased. So he's started looking into permanent positions. These all seem to come with a lower salary.

He's started applying and gave the ex a heads up that in 3 months he's going to have to look at the maintenance and as he's looking for a permanent position for stability it will probably go down.

All hell has broken loose - she claims maintenance should stay the same even if I have to subsidise it.

For info as I know everyone hates a drip feed. he and I both have well paid jobs. We have one shared DC. We have mortgage. Ex works term time only (not a teacher) and has no mortgage or rental commitments. DSC are all at secondary school.

Aibu to think its ridiculous for her to expect him to keep a career decision made 15+ years ago when they were together and she'll just have to accept the drop on maintenance?

OP posts:
Coffeaddict · 10/08/2023 08:45

YANBU and there is nothing she can do.

He has given her warning and his maintence will readjust as his pay drops 🤷‍♀️

And no you are not responsible for maintence

Dotcheck · 10/08/2023 08:46

Maintenance or child support?

I don’t know anything about maintenance but of course child support is based on income.
Is he now unable to meet set bills like clubs or school fees?

EekGoesTheBaby · 10/08/2023 08:47

It's based on income, so yes it should be recalculated. She's being ridiculous. Just follow what cms says. She was happy to take the ups. Now she needs to deal with the downs.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2023 08:49

It’s not and will never be on you to pay any of it. I think if they use the CMS that it’s reviewed annually and has to drop more than a certain % for the maintenance amount to reduce. But they’re not at that point yet, he’s just letting her know his plans, which is sensible and fair.

There's nothing she can do.

If they were still together there’d be less coming in, they’re not so there’s still going to be less coming in.

Does she realise it’ll stop altogether once the kids are grown up…?

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:49

Oh so he pays it directly to her - the calculator is just used to work out how much. It was agreed in mediation when they split that's how they'd do it.

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 10/08/2023 08:49

Dotcheck · 10/08/2023 08:46

Maintenance or child support?

I don’t know anything about maintenance but of course child support is based on income.
Is he now unable to meet set bills like clubs or school fees?

Maintenance = new name for child support. It's Child Maintenance Service now, was Child Support Agency.

Scottishskifun · 10/08/2023 08:53

If his pay goes down then yes maintenance goes down, she will know this. It is not for you to subsidise the drop either.

Make sure he puts it in a email to her so he has a paper trail if needed (I.e. if she starts using maintenance as a weapon on access)

arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 08:53

Yanbu to say that if his salary drops due to this, then yes as the % of his salary remains the same, of course the maintenance will drop.

Can I just check though that you know that government calculated maintenance amount is generally considered to be a very low amount which doesn't really cover the needs. My ex pays me quite a lot more than the stated amount, and will pay 50/50 for extras like school trips etc

harriethoyle · 10/08/2023 08:53

Nope. She's definitely BU. There's no way you are responsible for subsidising her. Stupid woman.

Dotcheck · 10/08/2023 08:53

@TallulahBetty
Oh! Thanks

toomanyleggings · 10/08/2023 08:54

Lol. You subsidise it? Absolutely not. She’ll have to suck it up

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 08:54

goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:49

Oh so he pays it directly to her - the calculator is just used to work out how much. It was agreed in mediation when they split that's how they'd do it.

So he pays the legal minimum? How many kids does he have, I’m assuming it’s 3 with his ex given you say they’re “all” in secondary school?

I think it shit of him to reduce the maintenance when he’s already only paying the legal minimum and you point out you’re both high earners. I’m assuming you’re not in financial difficulty?

Do you not find it a massive turn off that your husbands first thought is “better reduce what I pay for my kids” when he gets a new job?

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:55

arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 08:53

Yanbu to say that if his salary drops due to this, then yes as the % of his salary remains the same, of course the maintenance will drop.

Can I just check though that you know that government calculated maintenance amount is generally considered to be a very low amount which doesn't really cover the needs. My ex pays me quite a lot more than the stated amount, and will pay 50/50 for extras like school trips etc

It absolutely is enough for half their day to day costs especially as there is no rent/mortgage to pay

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 10/08/2023 08:56

Doesn't matter what PP think about the level of maintenance @goldensquaresofjoy - if that's what he and his ex agreed, she's a grown up and no doubt competent to reach that agreement.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 08:58

harriethoyle · 10/08/2023 08:56

Doesn't matter what PP think about the level of maintenance @goldensquaresofjoy - if that's what he and his ex agreed, she's a grown up and no doubt competent to reach that agreement.

It’s the legal minimum, it’s not like there’s any special treatment being given here. Personally I think it’s shameful when “fathers” pay the bare minimum towards their kids.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:58

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 08:54

So he pays the legal minimum? How many kids does he have, I’m assuming it’s 3 with his ex given you say they’re “all” in secondary school?

I think it shit of him to reduce the maintenance when he’s already only paying the legal minimum and you point out you’re both high earners. I’m assuming you’re not in financial difficulty?

Do you not find it a massive turn off that your husbands first thought is “better reduce what I pay for my kids” when he gets a new job?

Show quote history

He pays the legal minimum yes. Plus half school uniform, school trips, 1 club each.

It wasn't his first thought. He had to do the maths when working out what minimum salary he needs so he knew not to bother looking for anything that will pay less. The he thought he better give mum a heads up of the situation.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 10/08/2023 08:58

Only if it goes down by a certain percentage there are brackets if he is £1 over or under he pays that bracket

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:59

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/08/2023 08:58

It’s the legal minimum, it’s not like there’s any special treatment being given here. Personally I think it’s shameful when “fathers” pay the bare minimum towards their kids.

Show quote history

What's the point of paying more when she doesnt match it? If they need more she can earn more.

OP posts:
WhaleSharkBootySweat · 10/08/2023 08:59

@YaWeeFurryBastard completely agree. How can he see this as an acceptable way to save money? I would rather all the other bits of my lifestyle took a hit rather than reduce what I pay for my own children.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 08:59

Is it? For us, the amount didn't cover anywhere near half. Also no mortgage. I guess it's individual and depends a lot on the dc - mine get quite expensive buses to school and do lots of extra curricular, which is just easier if I sort, so my ex doubled the amount from the calculator.

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 08:59

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 10/08/2023 08:59

@YaWeeFurryBastard completely agree. How can he see this as an acceptable way to save money? I would rather all the other bits of my lifestyle took a hit rather than reduce what I pay for my own children.

He has done

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 10/08/2023 09:00

My late husband was a city lawyer and his salary went up and down. His financial settlement happened after a few good years - two years later world wide economic forces and he was making 25% less, plus we now had two kids and his eldest moved in. He requested officially to reduce her alimony to reflect this (reduction in earnings, not circumstances) but it wasn't allowed. Not dictated by CMS, she got £75k/year (plus a house with no mortgage, pension, car...).

Original poster
goldensquaresofjoy · 10/08/2023 09:01

arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 08:59

Is it? For us, the amount didn't cover anywhere near half. Also no mortgage. I guess it's individual and depends a lot on the dc - mine get quite expensive buses to school and do lots of extra curricular, which is just easier if I sort, so my ex doubled the amount from the calculator.

Yeah must depend on circumstances - the DSC don't get a bus and just do the one club

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 10/08/2023 09:01

What's the point of paying more?
Have you really just written that?!?
The point is so that his children get a better quality of life and more opportunities.

quietnightmare · 10/08/2023 09:01

YANBU
she could do this odd thing and work more or getting a better paying job to make up the difference

He needs to pay what the CMS calculator is. He's cut back on things for himself already, pays a club, half you inform etc . What more does she want

You are no to subsidise the payments