Stepdaughter selfish ?

[blossom2231]

Me & partner have a 5 month old baby. He has a 13 year old daughter from previous relationship.
He has 50/50 custody but most of them she either doesn't want to come to our house at all or she will stay 2 days maximum and demand to go back to her Moms. So out of a month, I'd say she stays with us about 7 days spread out.
We've just moved from our 2 bed into a 3 bed as the baby needs their own room now.
We have 2 very large rooms and the 3rd is tiny.
Partner has took it upon himself to let the teenage have the 2nd biggest room and our baby has to have the small room.
Am I being totally unreasonable but is this seriously unfair?!
Our baby lives here EVERYDAY. She will soon need space to place, space for actual furniture and toys/ play equipment.
The teenager is hardly here and she has NO belongings at ours. She refuses to keep things here, and just lives out of bags whilst here.
My partner says it's not up for discussion and it's also too late as she's been told she's got the big room now.
I'm really annoyed about it.
My mother says to bide my time because very soon he's going to be faced with the prospect of no space for baby's belongings and he won't like the fact all her toys will be in the living room, so just sit back and wait.
What do you think??

Why shouldn't babies' things be stored in a different room? Will the baby know that its vest is in the corridor? Will the baby care if its nappies are under mums bed? That's just silly.

Me personally, I hate having stuff all over the place. Things have a “place” being scattered around the house without order is not ideal. When I’m getting my kids dressed I don’t want to be getting nappies from under my bed and then vests from the corridor. I want things where it’s logical and practical.

I had to do what you have suggested with my first, until we moved and it was a relief having space for each child.

The baby does! It has all its toys and accessories and changing table and needs floor space to crawl around on, otherwise the family living room has to become the dumping ground for all that stuff.

I think that dsd doesn't need a lot of storage etc if she keeps most of her stuff at her mums.

You could always leave bags and piles of baby stuff in her room and if she complains you can say I'm so sorry but we have you the bigger room as baby is smaller but she does have a lot of stuff. We'd love you to feel more comfortable - what would you prefer for now, your room with nothing stored in it, then go to little room and it's all yours, or if it's biggest room you do need to share the storage space - up to you? You want dsd to feel very welcome at your home but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to compromise at all- everyone does when they get a new sibling

But I don't like this attitude from DH that it's end of discussion - I assume you're paying towards the new house too!

I agree

Of course the living room is the dumping ground for baby toys and floor space to crawl around on. Who is taking their baby upstairs for all playtime? Does baby not participate in family time? How silly and impractical.

Of course the living room is the dumping ground for baby toys and floor space to crawl around on. Who is taking their baby upstairs for all playtime? Does baby not participate in family time? How silly and impractical.

Both my babies have had some things kept in their room - yes there's a toy box in the living room but there isn't room for all of the big things they have/had, like ride on bikes, play tents, big boxes of duplo, not to mention practical things like travel cots.

Why doesn’t dsd want to spend time in your house? And why does your dp make decisions without you? Or why does your DSD has no friends?
Theyre the things I’d focus my energy on. Not the play space a 5 month old can’t use anyway.
And nothing you’ve said indicates she’s selfish. Just a sad lonely girl, prone to crying, with no parents stepping up to help her or parent.

We don't know if op lives in house or flat - I'm picturing my little flat with tiny living room no way I could keep all of baby stuff in there and still have a view of the tv!

The problem is your DH and he needs to know he can't be making decisions that affect your whole household on his own. That's the end of that.

If she’s made to feel welcome and has a space of her own, I’m assuming she’ll trust the place more and start treating it like home and bringing her stuff there.

This

Well the problem is your partner, because in his mind he’s not your partner, he’s your superior.

I don’t think your partner has gone about this the right way, but at the moment, one of his kids is very troubled and he is trying his best to make her life easier and have her still come and see him. And I think that’s the right thing to do.

Your mother is right.
It is fair that the older child gets the large room for now.

I would invest in a toy box with wheels that can be kept most days in SDs room near a colourful play mat. Then your baby can use the large room as a play space and the small room as a sleep zone. I would also put a book shelf in the larger room and keep the lower half shelves for baby and the upper ones empty for SD.

When your baby is about seven I would swap the rooms.
In the mean time you could have many of the baby's toys in the living room.

I would remove the TV from your SD room though. Screens within two hours of bed time is not at all conducive to a healthy sleep pattern and it is also anti-social.
For a few days per month your SD should be prepard to share some TV time with you all and you get to know her viewing habits and more about her personality, can discuss issues atc..