I think I just need to get this out of my head as it’s affecting me at work today and there is nothing I can do about any of it.
SD is 17 in a few weeks, she lives with us after years of issues at her mums(all ignored, traumatic childhood and desperately needed help but mum wouldn’t do it as scared of SS involvement).
Coming to us was a fresh start and she’s just gone backwards, it’s impossible for me to ‘parent’ her in any way as she is so abusive so I’m just the background figure. Her parents are both frightened of her, even more so since she has a history of suicide attempts when she doesn’t get what she wants. She has likely failed all her GCSEs through lack of effort, anything she doesn’t want to do is blamed on her mental health, but she refuses to engage with any actual help through CAMHS and GP and is now discharged as she says to them that her mental health is fine(until there is something she doesn’t want to do or she can make a TikTok about it). Can’t hold down a part time job, refusing college. She’s an aggressive bully with the other children in the family, can’t even walk past people without punching them, but then plays the victim. She lies, steals anything that’s no nailed down, throws tantrums, cuts up all her clothes and this isn’t just as a teen, she’s been this way forever. It’s been a nightmare and i feel like I’m trying to mop up a spill that someone else created.
She’s now absolutely determined to get pregnant. Refuses to take her pill. Refuses all alternatives. She doesn’t look after herself at all; doesn’t wash/change her clothes/brush teeth etc as she wasn’t taught to do so from a young age, this has been an issue her whole life and she was 6 when I met her Dad. We’ve tried to teach her but it’s so ingrained. She at least does remember to change her underwear now she’s with us as she always has clean available. How is she going to care for a baby? She won’t take any help or direction from anyone so couldn’t even be taught to care for a baby, not by us anyway. She will need professional help when she inevitably gets pregnant. We are in no way going to be able to help her with this, we both work 60 hour weeks to just about financially survive and she wouldn’t even accept direction about how to make a cup of tea from any of her family, let alone something as important as this. This will be another child raised in neglect and it’s killing me. It’s just a self fulfilling prophecy.
What are the options out there for teenage girls like this?