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Original poster

What an earth do we do now?

56 replies

Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:00

We are due to take DSD 11 away in a few weeks to one of the Greek islands which obviously has sadly been affected by wildfires. (This has been booked for about 10 months). However, our holiday company are still travelling out there and won't offer us any alternatives or refunds, our hotel is an area unaffected and has remained open, so we don't really have any other option than to go. We are fine with this.

DP got a text this morning from DSD's mum today saying she won't be allowing her to go as she's too worried about the fires! What an earth do we do about this? We can't get a refund, it's a nice hotel costing us over £3500 in total. Do we stand anywhere legally with this? Still unclear as to whether she still expects us to have DSD this week and we just go the two of us but DSD has been really looking forward to this holiday.

Any advice what to do?

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cansu · 31/07/2023 13:04

You say you understand her feelings but that you and your husband will therefore be going without dsd and she will need to make arrangements to look after her. I think she can make that decision but she does not get to stop all of you going. Is there any chance the holiday company would allow you to switch to a different island?

WandaWonder · 31/07/2023 13:09

There is no reason the 2 of you can't go, if totally safe and extra tourists is not putting a strain on the local area

Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:11

We have tried but we can't change the holiday without incurring ridiculous high costs! As they're saying it's not affected etc they won't change the holiday. What do we do about the £1200 split it is costing to take DSD? We just have to suck it up that we lose that money because her mum won't allow us to take her??

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DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 13:12

Sounds like a power play by her mum

Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:14

We have taken DSD away several times before with no issues so not sure it's that...however she is 100% a hypochondriac. DSD has had many sick days over the years, COVID was an absolute nightmare for DP to manage with her, DP regularly gets texts from ex saying she thinks DSD has cancer! It's madness really so I think she's just generally being OTT with the risk of this holiday.

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BruceAndNosh · 31/07/2023 13:14

The holiday is still several weeks away?
Hopefully they will get some rain before then.

greyhairnomore · 31/07/2023 13:15

Tell her mum you've changed the destination and take her anyway.

Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:15

I know....we are in the mindset we are 100% going unless our provider cancels the holiday free of charge, the trouble is DSD's mum has suddenly decided she doesn't want her to go?

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Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:16

greyhairnomore · 31/07/2023 13:15

Tell her mum you've changed the destination and take her anyway.

That is a good idea, however in mediation it was agreed that when going abroad the other parent has to provide flight & hotel details (DSD's mum pushed for this), so this could open up a whole can of worms...

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mywifeandkids · 31/07/2023 13:18

I feel bad on your dsd, she would be gutted I'm sure to miss the holiday ! But if her mum really won't budge you're not doing anything wrong by still going yourselves, yes it's really annoying about the money lost but maybe this time just have to suck it up !

mywifeandkids · 31/07/2023 13:18

Ask dsd what she wants to do ! It's her holiday too, surely mum can't control what you guys do with her on your contact time ? Aslong as she's safe that is

CornishGem1975 · 31/07/2023 13:19

If her mum says no, you'll need to go to court. My friend had to do this to take her son on holiday. I would look into this as a matter or urgency.

Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:19

mywifeandkids · 31/07/2023 13:18

Ask dsd what she wants to do ! It's her holiday too, surely mum can't control what you guys do with her on your contact time ? Aslong as she's safe that is

I know and DSD really wants to go...trouble is we need her mum to hand over her passport...

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Temporaryname158 · 31/07/2023 13:20

I would make clear (in worrying) to the mother that if she doesn’t let her dd go on the holiday to a place deemed safe by the holiday company and the FCO that you will take her to the small claims court for the lost money.

That might make her reconsider.

id also be very clear with her that dd will know it is her that prevented the holiday.

As an aside her behaviour is not normal and making her daughter miss school is not ok. Have you reported her to social services/school regarding this?

harriethoyle · 31/07/2023 13:23

Make an application to Court for a specific issue order - state in the application that M has withdrawn consent for a booked holiday and ask for an urgent hearing.

DismantledKing · 31/07/2023 13:24

Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:16

That is a good idea, however in mediation it was agreed that when going abroad the other parent has to provide flight & hotel details (DSD's mum pushed for this), so this could open up a whole can of worms...

Show quote history

Definitely sounds like a power play to me…

Smartiepants79 · 31/07/2023 13:27

I would-
Make it clear that you and DH are going no matter what.
do everything you can to show her how it is safe and fine to go
keep exploring options around getting legal permission
don’t lie to her. You’ll get found out and she’ll never trust you to take her away again. With good reason!
I presume that DD is doing the usual preteen begging, crying and sulking? That might wear her mum down faster! Guilt can make to you change your mind pretty quick.

Original poster
Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:29

Thank you for all your advice. DP & I are going to have a proper chat tonight about it and how is the best way to go about it. He hasn't responded as yet. Also don't know if anything has been mentioned to DSD as we don't have her again till Thursday...

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tootallfortheshelf · 31/07/2023 13:30

As tempting as it might be I wouldn't lie about the destination, this will be used against you in the future and it will be difficult for you to make a case in your favor after you've lied.

Beetleback · 31/07/2023 13:34

Jenx24 · 31/07/2023 13:11

We have tried but we can't change the holiday without incurring ridiculous high costs! As they're saying it's not affected etc they won't change the holiday. What do we do about the £1200 split it is costing to take DSD? We just have to suck it up that we lose that money because her mum won't allow us to take her??

There’s nothing to “do” about the £1200 - that money is spent whether DSD joins you or not. Sunk costs fallacy.

As long as the Mum isn’t expecting you to take her on an alternative holiday at extra expense she doesn’t owe you anything.

Obviously it would be deeply frustrating and a waste of money if DSD is prevented from going on holiday. But that’s not the same as you being owed some kind of reimbursement.

LemonLimeDivine · 31/07/2023 14:05

I wouldn’t lie about the destination. Agree with PP that this could well be a power play.
In your position I’d reply and say that you are both going anyway with or without SD. When she realises she has to look after her child for the two weeks you’re away that might well cause her to change her tune. Speaking from experience here…..
I certainly wouldn’t give in to her. Do it once and she’ll expect you to give in on other things.

greyhairnomore · 31/07/2023 14:14

I shouldn't have said to lie about the destination but it's so bloody frustrating 😡

LemonLimeDivine · 31/07/2023 14:20

greyhairnomore · 31/07/2023 14:14

I shouldn't have said to lie about the destination but it's so bloody frustrating 😡

I agree - it’s very tempting and also very frustrating. Not worth it being used against them at a later date though.

tootallfortheshelf · 31/07/2023 14:29

greyhairnomore · 31/07/2023 14:14

I shouldn't have said to lie about the destination but it's so bloody frustrating 😡

I didn't mean to criticize you, it's completely understandable, but with people like this you know that if you put a foot wrong they will use it against you, very tricky situation 😬😢

Tapasgoofy · 31/07/2023 16:04

I’d still go.
Id let dsd know she can’t go because of her mum and put all the blame on her.

Id then stop paying for any extras that you give DSDs mum til the money is made up that you wasted! That would be her own fault.