What an earth do we do now?

[Jenx24]

We are due to take DSD 11 away in a few weeks to one of the Greek islands which obviously has sadly been affected by wildfires. (This has been booked for about 10 months). However, our holiday company are still travelling out there and won't offer us any alternatives or refunds, our hotel is an area unaffected and has remained open, so we don't really have any other option than to go. We are fine with this.

DP got a text this morning from DSD's mum today saying she won't be allowing her to go as she's too worried about the fires! What an earth do we do about this? We can't get a refund, it's a nice hotel costing us over £3500 in total. Do we stand anywhere legally with this? Still unclear as to whether she still expects us to have DSD this week and we just go the two of us but DSD has been really looking forward to this holiday.

Any advice what to do?

@tootallfortheshelf @LemonLimeDivine so annoying. @Jenx24 I hope you get something sorted and in a few years your SD will be able to decide for herself.

Do you have travel insurance? I'm not sure if you'd have any right to claim since the travel company is still allowing travel there but maybe worth a shot.

Failing that, get a court order to take her. Not sure how long it'll take though.

I feel your frustrations. We were booked up to take my DSD to Canada after her mum agreed we could then she withdrew her permission 2 weeks before we were due to go and threatened to contact the police and report us for kidnapping if we took her. From now on we'll be getting a court order any time we want to take her away.

Can you remind the woman that you wouldn’t be allowed to go if it were dangerous. So it’s safe. It’s not the part that was dangerous.

If it becomes dangerous you woukd be moved or sent home. But that’s irrelevant now that the wind has changed and now it’s hot over Africa.

That this will be the only holiday the child has with her dad and no more money will be forthcoming as it’s all spent on this non-refundable holiday.

So if she wants to spoil her kids summer she can but you’ll be telling the kid why she will have no holiday this year, because her mum denied her one.

Then court order.

You need to respect her mothers decision on this and just go without her. There nothing more to say really.
You wouldn’t risk your own child’s life, would you? I hope your not taking any other kids with you due to the wild fires.

You're not losing any money though. You're losing the pleasure of your step daughter's company (and/or she's losing out on the holiday) but the money's paid either way.

I think it's understandable that she worried - it's been all over the tabloids, it looks like it was truly terrifying for those people caught up in it. I think all you can do is try to provide some concrete evidence to calm her anxiety (like the temp has dropped significantly, or there has been rain etc). It sounds like even you wouldn't be going if your insurance would pay out though?

The state of emergency has been rescinded in Rhodes, and Corfu is totally fine (I’m there now). It is all under control.

I would apply to court as PP have suggested. Even if she agrees now she can pull out again, and you’d have even less time to sort it out. You’ve got a brief window here.

If you can’t take her, go anyway and make sure DD knows exactly what has gone on. She is old enough to understand. Be clear about this to mum. DD shouldn’t have to miss out due to her anxiety.

I would tell her that it’s not her call to make. DP is the daughter’s equal parent and she doesn’t get to call the shots.

And then I would go to court for an order to take her out of the country, and would seriously consider going for residency.

Anyone who is constantly putting the fear of God into their child about serious illness is damaging and IMO the DD would be better off with her father with the mum having contact.

Why is the mother's opinion worth more than the father's?

DismantledKing · Today 13:12
Sounds like a power play by her mum

Sounds to me like her mum is worried about her child being swallowed by flames at worst, or trapped somewhere in a refuge hall at best.

Is there any way you could persuade her? For example show her on a satellite map that there are no trees at that location or on the route to get there? Plus send her reports from that area.

greyhairnomore· Today 13:15
Tell her mum you've changed the destination and take her anyway.

Bad faith. Lying.
And the child will tell her mum anyway as is natural.

Better to ask for forgiveness then permission ….

I have sympathy wit the girls mother. I'm not sure I would allow my child to go to Greece at the moment. Holiday companies have absolutely been continuing to fly people in when it was unsafe. I have read some horrific accounts of people being allowed to go on holiday and then being evacuated in the middle of the night, children separated from parents etc. I wouldn't risk that for the sake of a grand or two.

Having said that the situation hopefully will be very different by the time your holiday comes around so I would maybe have a chat with the mother and see if she would consider playing it be ear. a change in weather may make it perfectly safe.

First, I would put my focus into providing her with evidence that it is actually safe. I would also emphasise that you've been following the situation carefully and will absolutely change your plans if it seems your DSD could be at risk so she doesn't think you're being blasé.

You might be able to get her to change her mind, which would be the best outcome really.

I mean to be honest I think its fair enough. I wouldn't want to go myself even if it is "safe to travel" if its Rhodes they've been through a lot and the infrastructure is still under pressure

You will need to go to court for a specific issues order and let a judge decide.

My OH’s controlling EW did this. She had agreed to a holiday in writing months before for the 2 children, then at 11pm the night before the 7am pick up to go to the airport, she emailed to say she had changed her mind, and the children wouldn’t be going.

It was too late in this case to go to court to get a specific issues but he did take her to court on his return for breaching the contact order. The judge gave her a very stern taking to & my OH was awarded the cost of the children’s holiday. Social services also got involved.

Good luck. It’s sad when mothers think they are in charge, control and the more important parent who can over ride decisions.

The Greeks on Rhodes depend on tourist money

I am not sure is it is Rhodes you have tickets for, but I just saw this from only two days ago saying it is still under threat.

It is good advice from a pp I think to say you will monitor it day by day; you aren’t due to leave for a while, and by then it could be safe because of a change in the weather.

www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jul/29/greece-wildfires-under-control-but-strong-winds-still-a-threat-say-officials

Given what has been happening out there, it really isn’t unreasonable to say no to going to Greece at the moment.

If the holiday is on Dad's time, who the hell does she think she is sticking her oar in?

Thats great and all but I wouldn't go on holiday to a disaster zone

It’s disappointing but not totally unreasonable that she feels that way. I would try and get her to agree to deciding nearer the time and see what happens whilst seeking out as much info as you can from people actually over there.

That's an awful idea!! You can't take a child out the country and lie about the whereabouts what a horrible thing to do

What is the weather like currently at your planned destination, and what is it typically at the time of year you plan to travel? I see that Corfu, for instance, has some rain forecast for later in the week. Can you put it to her that you will be going anyway, and that it might be an idea to wait and see for a couple of weeks because there is a strong chance that, by the time you go, the danger of fire will be well out of the way?

Because its her child and its been all over the news. It looked like hell on earth.

I would think it odd if a parent didn't have concerns tbh.

Having said that if its weeks away with the weather getting cooler hopefully she can be persuaded. Op you should either go without her or apply to court for them to determine it.

A court order is safest.

More generally, it sounds like your DP has bigger issues to consider with the damage his ex could be doing to their DD:

DP regularly gets texts from ex saying she thinks DSD has cancer!