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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Forced to choose between my kids and her ?

58 replies

Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:26

I’m recently separated primarily as a result of the way my ex treated my kids. Treated them very differently to hers. Would go through diaries, not say good night to them, aggressive … just nasty imo. As a result our relationship broke down and lots of stupid things said and done.

Eventually she said my daughter had to go to boarding school or she was out. I was forced to choose my kids or her ! I chose my kids. Am I wrong ?

Sadly still miss her though but had to choose kids.

Is blending a family really possible when each spouse brings multiple kids of same age ?

I believe dads are better at treating all kids as the same as they don’t have that mommy bear instinct - don’t shoot the messenger 😂

Interested to hear your thoughts ?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/07/2023 21:26

No, you should always put your kids first. A decent person wouldn’t ask you to choose.

Bodybop · 27/07/2023 21:28

sounds like you did right

GirlInTheMirror27 · 27/07/2023 21:29

A person who cares truly for you will never make you choose between them and your children. Run while you can

catrescuelady · 27/07/2023 21:30

You did the right thing. How old are your kids?

Gateappreciation · 27/07/2023 21:30

Kids come first. You have made
the right decision.

Anyone wanting to separate me from my kids would be out the door straight away.

Are they making you guilty about decision? Don’t be. Partners should be supportive of one another, not controlling and decisive.

Devilsmommy · 27/07/2023 21:31

You've definitely done right choosing kids, like a pp said if she loved you she'd never ask you to choose

IncompleteSenten · 27/07/2023 21:31

A parent should always choose their kids in that sort of scenario.
Any parent that doesn't is a piece of shit.

Original poster
Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:32

My daughter wasn’t easy though. Just sad to have been forced to choose.

is it crazy I still miss her ?

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 27/07/2023 21:32

Parents must put kids first imo at all times

greenteaandmarshmallows · 27/07/2023 21:33

Of course you weren't wrong.

You'll get over her

Bodybop · 27/07/2023 21:33

You’ll move on, hurts a bit but kids come first, well done

Original poster
Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:34

I think she felt so strongly because my daughter was negatively impacting her actual kids. Not easy …

but agree right decision

she sees as doing right by her kids …

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 27/07/2023 21:34

So you let your daughter be a brat?

IncompleteSenten · 27/07/2023 21:35

Doesn't matter if your child wasn't easy.
Who ever promised you easy children? Cos they lied.

You can miss someone while knowing that you made the right choice.

Because it's about choice isn't it?
Something you have but your children don't. They are forced to accept whatever shitbag you force on them.

Which is why you owe it to them to never do that.

Regardless how much you may miss that person. They matter more.

Original poster
Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:40

Thank you wise words

OP posts:
Acuppaisbetterthanprosecco · 27/07/2023 21:42

Maybe it would have worked if you didn't live together, but she doesn't sound like a very nice person!

Original poster
Japer78 · 27/07/2023 21:43

Bit of a big jump to that but if she was still “the worst kid ever “ what are you supposed to do ?

they are kids you are the parent surely you must stand by them ?

OP posts:
Azandme · 27/07/2023 21:46

Of course you put your kids first.

How was your dd negatively impacting her kids though?

BrownHairedGirlWithTheBrightestSmile · 27/07/2023 21:47

I don’t think blended families are great for children on the whole. The kids have to just accept living with a step parent and new ‘siblings’, it’s often very hard for them, just because their parents happen to want to live with each other. You’re best out of it, hopefully all the kids involved are ok. This woman sounds very nasty so yes, it’s hard to understand you missing her. If someone treated my child like that, I’d hate them. It all sounds fucked up.

LemonLimeDivine · 27/07/2023 21:50

Always choose your kids. Always.

Wallywobbles · 27/07/2023 21:54

Your kids come first but don't be a Disney parent. Actually do the tough stuff too. Discipline, routines, hygiene etc. All the boring hard work that makes kids into nice kind people.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 27/07/2023 21:57

Wicked stepmothers in films are always trying to pack the children off to boarding school...

No, you're not wrong.

SemperIdem · 27/07/2023 21:58

In what way was your daughter impacting her children?

It’s absolutely for the best that the relationship is over. But there are perhaps some lessons to take from it. Make sure you are actually parenting your children, not just phoning it in, being a Disney parent.

Mumof4plusbonus · 27/07/2023 22:27

Devils advocate but if your daughter was that bad that it was risking her kids I can see her point. She should have separated or lived apart though. Just as you have to put your kid 1st, she has to put hers 1st.

Original poster
Japer78 · 27/07/2023 22:29

Where do marriage vows come in ?

OP posts: