Forced to choose between my kids and her ?

[Japer78]

I’m recently separated primarily as a result of the way my ex treated my kids. Treated them very differently to hers. Would go through diaries, not say good night to them, aggressive … just nasty imo. As a result our relationship broke down and lots of stupid things said and done.

Eventually she said my daughter had to go to boarding school or she was out. I was forced to choose my kids or her ! I chose my kids. Am I wrong ?

Sadly still miss her though but had to choose kids.

Is blending a family really possible when each spouse brings multiple kids of same age ?

I believe dads are better at treating all kids as the same as they don’t have that mommy bear instinct - don’t shoot the messenger 😂

Interested to hear your thoughts ?

“Keep your shag” - someone is bitter.

this attitude is exactly why some people run a mile from dating people with kids instead of wanting to get involved in forming a blended family. Seriously, when there’s bitterness and guilt and all that crap still festering that gets directed at them, why the hell would they want to stick around? THAT is baggage that should dealt with before trying to couple again.

Ultimately people do look after their biological children if they're being negatively impacted. Obviously the devil is in the details here, it sounds like your dd for what ever reason was unable or unwilling to blend, this happens.

Some blended families work, my DD's get on fine with dsd, all same age ish but older when we met so it's not as intense, helps that they are fairly similar interests wise. But pushing kids together is always a bit of a lottery

Absolutely did the right thing. Kids first, every time.

Who is bitter exactly? Me? Where are you getting that from? That's exactly what he's considering doing.

Calling the woman “the shag”. Why would devalue them someone like that? Or are you trying to devalue the OP? Either way it appears to be a projection, because otherwise civilised people don’t go around calling peoples partners “the shag” .

Of course you put your kids first.
Anyone who would expect otherwise is not a suitable person to consider for any kind of relationship.

Good parenting. Well done.

As you get into dating again, keep all relationships casual for a long time, don't try to blend families again any time soon. You don't need to be living in the same house as someone to be involved with them romantically. Living with other people is hard and you need genuine love between all household members for it to work. Your ex did not love your daughter. Do not even think of putting your daughter through that again, the teenage years are tough enough.

I think it is very very hard to create a ‘blended family’ .

Especially for the kids, who have not chosen it.

Your Dd sounds unhappy and unsettled. If she was living between you and her her Mum was she seeing you live full time with your step kid/s? Possibly watching her mum have more kids who also have two parents looking after them? And it’s a tumultuous time being a teen, anyway.

Your ex sounds hostile to your Dd: not step mum material. And of course she needs to also put her kids first.

Relationship, yes, why the need to live together? Wait til your Dd has become independent.

Children first but it might have been possible to continue seeing your ex without living together.