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Step-parenting

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Original poster

How do you split holiday costs?

52 replies

CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 12:13

Hi all. Please help me with this scenario before I potentially cause an issue!

My DP and I have been together almost 4 years, we don’t live together (maybe in the future). He has two DC on a 50/50 split, I have one DC 100% of the time. All DC range from 5 to 10 years old.

We have had open and honest conversations lately, one of which is I have felt a bit put out paying half for things when we’re together as a five - ie days out / weekends away etc. I earn a lot less than DP - and I also buy absolutely everything that my son needs, whereas DP obviously shares those costs.

We came to an agreement that where holidays are concerned, we split the bill for accommodation five ways, he pays 3/5 and I pay 2/5. We were both happy with this. Cut to next weekend, we have booked a three bedroomed apartment for three nights. Total bill is £500. I asked that he transfer £300 to my account when he gets a moment. He argues we should split the bill down the middle as the two younger DC are sharing (my DC and his DC). I still believe he should pay for 3 people and I pay for two, my son and I. The only reason we need a three bedroom apartment is because there are 3 DC. A two bedroom apartment would have been considerably cheaper. All other costs, food, ice creams etc are much more flexible, I would never ask for money back if I bought all 3 DC lunch etc. and understand that bringing two families together will cost money on both parts.

What do you think? Am I being fair or stingy?

thanks!

OP posts:
wherethecityis · 18/07/2023 13:16

I don't think you're being stingy at all, but he is and you could argue it's £167 per room. 2 rooms are split equally between you and him. Then the 3rd room is entirely paid by him.
Therefore he should pay £333.

Floofydawg · 18/07/2023 13:22

You're being completely fair - stick to your guns. He sounds like a tightwad pisstaker.

goldcheese · 18/07/2023 13:32

You came to an agreement very recently to split things 5 ways.

It sounds like the first opportunity you get he is challenging that.

Not OK, especially given he earns more and shares his kids other costs.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/07/2023 13:43

I think given that you've spent the last year posting about him, and always received resounding support of the fact that you are doing the right thing and he is the problem, that it might even be worth considering whether this relationship is even worth it.

TaigaSno · 18/07/2023 13:43

Your suggestion is reasonable.

And actually, I would not split that holiday per person, I would split the cost per room.

You are booking three bedrooms -

Bedroom 1: you and DP are sharing, so split the cost.
Bedroom 2: your child and DP's child are sharing, so split the cost.
Bedroom 3: only DP's child, so it's DP's cost.

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 15:11

This holiday is going to be a shit show based on your other threads and posts about him op

why subject you and more importantly your child to this kind of “holiday”?

Ragwort · 18/07/2023 15:14

Why are you even going on holiday with him? Do the children actually want to share a holiday?
I couldn't bear to be with someone quibbling over a few £s. Get rid of him.

Netcam · 18/07/2023 15:22

I think it's about being fair. Since you have agreed you pay 2/5 and he pays 3/5 generally as a fair split, you should insist on sticking to it, especially as he has more money than you.

I have 2 kids from an ex and my DH had none, just a dog. Before DH and I were living together or married, we agreed all holidays would be split 50/50, both holidays we went on with my kids and those we went on without my kids while they were with their dad.

The only exception we agreed was that I would pay for my kids' flight costs if we were travelling by plane and he would pay for the kennels for the dog. Everything else, accommodation and food/other costs while away were split 50/50.

Once agreed we stuck to that and it continued. He's always had a higher income than me and it made going on one holiday together with the kids and one on our own affordable for me.

I think if something is discussed and agreed in principle then if someone wants to change that, a proper discussion needs to be had. One party can't just change it arbitrarily.

Oldraver · 18/07/2023 15:27

CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 12:13

Hi all. Please help me with this scenario before I potentially cause an issue!

My DP and I have been together almost 4 years, we don’t live together (maybe in the future). He has two DC on a 50/50 split, I have one DC 100% of the time. All DC range from 5 to 10 years old.

We have had open and honest conversations lately, one of which is I have felt a bit put out paying half for things when we’re together as a five - ie days out / weekends away etc. I earn a lot less than DP - and I also buy absolutely everything that my son needs, whereas DP obviously shares those costs.

We came to an agreement that where holidays are concerned, we split the bill for accommodation five ways, he pays 3/5 and I pay 2/5. We were both happy with this. Cut to next weekend, we have booked a three bedroomed apartment for three nights. Total bill is £500. I asked that he transfer £300 to my account when he gets a moment. He argues we should split the bill down the middle as the two younger DC are sharing (my DC and his DC). I still believe he should pay for 3 people and I pay for two, my son and I. The only reason we need a three bedroom apartment is because there are 3 DC. A two bedroom apartment would have been considerably cheaper. All other costs, food, ice creams etc are much more flexible, I would never ask for money back if I bought all 3 DC lunch etc. and understand that bringing two families together will cost money on both parts.

What do you think? Am I being fair or stingy?

thanks!

Well you need to start asking for the money back if you oat for all three dc

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 15:28

I don’t think the op will be back but there
will be another thread when she’s on holiday no doubt

BodenCardiganNot · 18/07/2023 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/07/2023 15:42

TaigaSno · 18/07/2023 13:43

Your suggestion is reasonable.

And actually, I would not split that holiday per person, I would split the cost per room.

You are booking three bedrooms -

Bedroom 1: you and DP are sharing, so split the cost.
Bedroom 2: your child and DP's child are sharing, so split the cost.
Bedroom 3: only DP's child, so it's DP's cost.

Yes. Although he could then put both his kids in one room to save cash

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

this

i see it over and over and over again on mumsnet

Original poster
CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 16:30

Thanks for all your replies that were written with the intention of being helpful. My DP actually replied to my concerns saying he agrees and sorry for questioning.

For those who dare concern themselves with my thoroughly loved and happy child, please take your toxicity elsewhere. I’m not sure whether you’ve ever been in a relationship, but it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Relationships are hard work, with good and tough times, but all the shit bits are kept away from the children, so please go on about your miserable days.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 18/07/2023 16:32

You have been posting about your partner for months. None of it 'rainbows and butterflies'. What will it take for you to see that?

Original poster
CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 16:33

I doubt many people come to this platform seeking to share the perfect and wonderful parts of their lives, of which I have many.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 18/07/2023 16:34

I’m glad you stood your ground op! I was going to say he was being unbelievable especially after you had been subsidising his kids without complaint!

Well done. Remember that money is yours and just because you don’t want to pay for one of his children (due to not being financially secure) it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t if you were flush. Unlike him.

I hate greed and tightness!

BodenCardiganNot · 18/07/2023 16:36

I hate greed and tightness!

Me too. Especially when he earns a lot more than the op does.

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 17:24

CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 16:33

I doubt many people come to this platform seeking to share the perfect and wonderful parts of their lives, of which I have many.

Op suggest you read your previous threads and posts

it sounds very unhappy

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 17:26

For those who dare concern themselves with my thoroughly loved and happy child,

it not “toxicity” to express concern about how a child is faring in a scenario based on their only parent’s unhappy posting history

Hateitissues · 18/07/2023 17:27

It wasn’t meant to shame you

but hopefully he’ll you see if that you’re unhappy, then chances are - it’s not going to be great for your only child

Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2023 17:38

BodenCardiganNot · 18/07/2023 16:32

You have been posting about your partner for months. None of it 'rainbows and butterflies'. What will it take for you to see that?

Is this the poster whose boyfriend was pushing her to buy a 4-bedroomed house she couldn’t afford and didn’t need, so his children could have a room each, and it would give him extra £1000 savings a month?!

BudgetBuster · 18/07/2023 17:49

Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2023 17:38

Is this the poster whose boyfriend was pushing her to buy a 4-bedroomed house she couldn’t afford and didn’t need, so his children could have a room each, and it would give him extra £1000 savings a month?!

Show quote history

Yes, looks like it is

Floofydawg · 18/07/2023 18:20

CrystalBall80 · 18/07/2023 16:30

Thanks for all your replies that were written with the intention of being helpful. My DP actually replied to my concerns saying he agrees and sorry for questioning.

For those who dare concern themselves with my thoroughly loved and happy child, please take your toxicity elsewhere. I’m not sure whether you’ve ever been in a relationship, but it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Relationships are hard work, with good and tough times, but all the shit bits are kept away from the children, so please go on about your miserable days.

OP people were only trying to help you based on what they knew from your previous posts. He really is a cheeky freeloading fucker isn't he. Sometimes other people can see what you can't, even if it's staring you in the face.

Floofydawg · 18/07/2023 18:21

PS I am also a step parent with fewer kids than my husband. Is my relationship all rainbows and butterflies? No. But has he ever tried to get me to subsidise his kids? Absolutely not.