How do you split holiday costs?

[CrystalBall80]

Hi all. Please help me with this scenario before I potentially cause an issue!

My DP and I have been together almost 4 years, we don’t live together (maybe in the future). He has two DC on a 50/50 split, I have one DC 100% of the time. All DC range from 5 to 10 years old.

We have had open and honest conversations lately, one of which is I have felt a bit put out paying half for things when we’re together as a five - ie days out / weekends away etc. I earn a lot less than DP - and I also buy absolutely everything that my son needs, whereas DP obviously shares those costs.

We came to an agreement that where holidays are concerned, we split the bill for accommodation five ways, he pays 3/5 and I pay 2/5. We were both happy with this. Cut to next weekend, we have booked a three bedroomed apartment for three nights. Total bill is £500. I asked that he transfer £300 to my account when he gets a moment. He argues we should split the bill down the middle as the two younger DC are sharing (my DC and his DC). I still believe he should pay for 3 people and I pay for two, my son and I. The only reason we need a three bedroom apartment is because there are 3 DC. A two bedroom apartment would have been considerably cheaper. All other costs, food, ice creams etc are much more flexible, I would never ask for money back if I bought all 3 DC lunch etc. and understand that bringing two families together will cost money on both parts.

What do you think? Am I being fair or stingy?

thanks!

I think you are being fair.

I mean, if you holidayed separately, you would only need a 1bed and he would need a 2bed so it stands to reason than when you pool it, he should cover a slightly higher proportion.

why I will never ever blend families

ever

What portion of the day to day costs does he pay?

When you're together as a 3, I.e. when your stepchildren aren't there, how do you split things?

I could understand his logic if your child had a bedroom to himself

but that’s not the case

Bizarre

Do you live together?

If he's arguing about sharing rooms, he's got 2 half rooms plus a full room (2 total) and you're using 2 half rooms (1 total), so he actually owes 66% rather than 60%

We don’t live together. Also my DP rarely pays for anything for my DC when we’re together as a 3. Wouldn’t expect him to, but this is where the resentment was building - it feels like he’s a full on dad one weekend, and then foot loose and fancy free the next. I have said when we live together as a 5, I would expect him to be more present on the weekends he doesn’t have his DC.

If he pays half or more of the bills in your family home and your son lives there 100%of the time, then he’s contributing to your child too.

Ignore me as you don’t live together! He’s taking the piss. I’d suggest you ensure you don’t live together until your children have all grown up.

He’s completely taking the piss then. He earns more than you and has more children!

Good god, don't move him in!!

Thought I recognise your name op

op - this is just the tip of the issues in this relationship

the real question is why are you and your child even going on holiday with him

Well you need to start asking for the money back if you oat for all three dc

You need to stand your ground on this one, he pays 3/5 you pay 2/5, or better still if he is earning way more than you why is he not paying for the full thing.

Also if you pay for lunches etc when out for his DC why does he not pay for lunch etc for your DC.

I am in this situation with me having 2 children 100% of the time (widowed) and my DP has 3 DC. When we were dating and not living together he would always pay the bill for all of us, and then I would get the ice-creams/ drinks/ cakes later for us. He was aware that his children's food bill would always be more expensive than mine.

You need to have an open and honest conversation with him, and if this does not work, when you go our for meals or for ice-creams etc, tell him you will pay for yours and your childs and he can pay for his. Then there will be no need for any arguments and your money will go further.

I would certainly not be looking to move forward with a relationship with a guy who earned more than me who was penny pinching, and costing me money that could be spent on my own DC.

I think him paying £300 makes sense as it’s him having 2 DC which means that you need 3 beds. It’s good to get on top of this kind of thing early on as once they’re teenagers you’ll be paying similar costs to an adult for meals out etc and then it gets really expensive

Come on OP. A man who earns more than you and has his children just half the time is actively trying to take from you and yours. Dont be desperate. Stop booking things for gods sake 🙄 if he wants to go, let him book it and you give him the money. The fact you even needed to have that conversation tells me all I need to know.

If his kids were sharing while yours had a room on their own then he'd be right.

If he thinks that he should get a discount for one of his kids sharing then where is your equivalent discount?

He's being tight and hasn't heard you when you spoke about money. If he wants to pay 50% then his kids should share and your son has his own room.

Why do people ask stuff that's already been explained in the OP?

So... you don't live together AND you earn less AND you only have 1 child but YOU are supposed to subsidise HIS holiday with his 2 children?

ahahahahahahahahahah

Tell him he can get a 2 bed apartment for him and his DC and you'd love to see if he can find such a thing for the £250 he's willing to spend.

He's quibbling over £50 when he earns more. This is a red flag for the future- especially once the kids are adult sized so need own rooms for comfort.

Actually, this too. Putting aside everything else, he earns more and is quibbling over a small amount. This says he's selfish, entitled and stingy. Avoid.

This!

You’d be mad to ever live with him. You’re right about splitting costs fairly but I couldn’t be with such a user.

This.