Holidaying with stepchildren?

[Namechangeforonce]

Not sure why I’ve name changed, none of them are likely to be on here, but you never know!

Ive been with DP for a little over a year, he has two children, a boy (12) and a girl (7). Their mother isn’t on the scene. I’ve met them a fair few times, and they are lovely, really nice kids. I’ve not stayed overnight with them, so far - I only met them maybe 9/10 months into the relationship. I don’t have kids of my own.

We’ve had a couple of weekends away where his parents have looked after the kids, but he’s suggested us going on holiday next year sometime, and obviously (rightly) including the children.

I was all for the idea, but because of the kids ages, it means us all in one room (unless we get an apartment type thing with separate bedrooms, but that’s likely to cost a lot more and he would rather do a hotel with all inclusive), and that’s making me feel a bit unsure.

Its nothing against the kids, I really like them, and it’s far enough away that by the time it rolls around, I might feel more comfortable with it anyway - but there’s something that’s making the idea of a) sharing a bed with their dad in the same room as them, and b) sharing with what will be at that point a 13 year old boy, not sit quite right with me.

If I say no, he’ll go away with the kids on his own, and we’ll maybe go away for a long weekend somewhere. Im NOT expecting him to go on a two weeks holiday without his kids, and like I said - if it were two rooms then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Does anyone have any experience of this, or any suggestions please? Am I just overthinking it? As a kid, my parents split up and my dad almost immediately met someone else and moved in and we were sort of forced into blended family mode and it caused a fair few problems, so I’m really conscious that I don’t want to make the same sort of mistakes, or do anything to hurt the relationship with them.

I would never entertain

I would never entertain sharing a single room with children who weren’t my children.

That’s completely reasonable. It’s still possible to go on holiday, but I’d suggest a villa/apartment/air b&b with two plus bedrooms is the way to go. Not everyone in a hotel room.

I mean… I’d prefer not to share a room with my own 13 year old ok holiday. And I know he’d rather have his own room.

some sort of apartment/villa rather than hotel also gives you space away from
the kids in the evening.

We’ve been here several times! The rooms are fantastic. Separate bedrooms plus a big kitchen/dining/living room.
I got far too excited by the washing machine too-everything went home clean.
for families they are absolutely perfect. It’s like having self catering/apartment accommodation with all the perks of an AI.

On a practical note you can get family rooms with an interconnecting door.

However it’s far too soon for this. You want to be a regular fixture in their lives for one to two years before you contemplate this. Otherwise they are being forced to go on holiday (or even share a room!!) with their Dad’s random girlfriend they don’t know.

It’s a terrible start to a relationship that might put them off you for life. What is he thinking?!

I write this as a stepmother of 13 years with a b good relationship with my SC. They live with me a lot of the time, so we are very much family, but I would balk at sharing a room with them and my partner on holiday. They happily wander in and out of our room but that’s it.

Let him do the holiday this time, and if he’s a keeper build a plan to be in their lives with him.

We paid an extra £79 or £85 for a
suite of two rooms with two doors and a bathroom in the middle.
It was called a junior suite.
A family suite had a sliding door in the bedroom and a step down to the second room.
You should have your own room.

@continentallentil As I said, it’s a conversation relating to going away in a years time (or maybe a little more). It IS too soon, NOW, but it’s not happening now. I’m not even at the stage of staying at their house overnight yet, let alone for an extended period of time anywhere else!

it might be that my relationship with the kids doesn’t go as well as it currently seems to be, and if that’s the case, we’d rethink the holiday plans. I wouldn’t force it on them. But on the basis of how the last four months since meeting them have gone, I don’t think a holiday 12 months down the line is too soon.

Although I think a week is a better plan than two!

I've holidayed with my step children twice and it was great but I wouldn't even consider sharing a room. We did air bnb's but there's loads of options for apartments etc, I think that would be better than a hotel for you because you can have your own 'home' and if you had separate rooms in a hotel the kids might feel a bit more uneasy. Compare prices etc - I'm sure you'll be able to make it work

@Beenalongwinter @NadjaCravensworth1 yes, it seems a lot more reasonable than I’d expected - I’m not sure why the idea of connecting rooms seemed like the height of luxury!

He needs to put his hands in his pockets and pay the extra for 2 rooms.

I wouldn’t be happy at all sharing with kids that are not mine at their ages.

Is it that he actually doesn’t fancy a holiday without another adult to help him out?

Another vote for 2 bedroom suites! Or a 1 bed and they are in the lounge also has worked for us in the past. We have recently stayed at Atlantica dreams in rhodes in a 1 bed suite with the kids in lounge, and grecotel Costa botanica which had adjoining rooms with their own en suites.

we go on holiday with our step kids all the time - sometimes I take them without their dad as we are really close, but I draw the line at sharing a room. It only works as everyone has space to retreat back to!

Zafiro hotels (there are a few) have a bedroom (with a door that closes) and a sofa in the living room that becomes 2 single beds. That would work well I think. Also brilliant for kids. All inclusive is an option there too.

Bear in mind op, it will be all about the kids really. I'm away with my 10 and 8 year old now on a 'sun holiday', it is really hard work!

@IncomingTraffic nah, it’s not that at all. He’s not long come back from a two week holiday with them, which is how I know for sure it won’t be any sooner than this time next year, and also why I had two weeks in my head!

@icanflysometimes yes, I’m conscious that it’s going to be all about the kids, which will be a new one for me (the only other guy I’ve been with who had kids, didn’t have them all the time and so holidays then were term time whilst they were in school and with their mum!), which is another reason I’m more keen on separate rooms, so I can decompress a bit if I need to.

I couldn’t share a room with my own DC.

We’ve not even discussed paying for it yet (because it’s so early on in convo), I’m assuming I’d pay for mine, he’d pay for him and the kids. I wouldn’t have an issue paying the extra for an upgrade to an apartment, or for adjoining rooms though. I have a bit more disposable income as I don’t have two kids to pay for, plus if I was going alone (or booking a separate room), I’d get hammered with a supplement anyway.

Hiya. Your instinct is good i think.

When i go away on my own with mine we share a room if needed although i'd prefer not to.

When we all go together i spend HOURS trawling the internet for accommodation with some separation. I have twice stayed in a single room (so one bathroom) but with sliding doors and twin beds in that area and a large double in the 'parents area' it works well for privacy and separation however the kids do have to walk through your room to use the loo.

This year i even think we have outgrown that and to be fair have outgrown AI resorts so are self catering somewhere with lots to do and are in a two bed apartment which even has two bathrooms. Its not in our first choice of resort but if the accommodation is right and we all sleep well and have space and privacy everything else will fall into place.

I don't think you have to book two separate units to get that.

Thank you, I do agree that it’s not going to be difficult to find - I knew there were options out there but assumed ( god knows why) that they’d be very expensive.

Hes just been on holiday with them, and as an adult and two kids, all in one room seems an obvious choice. Prior to that, they’d not been away before Covid where obviously the kids were a lot younger, so again I can imagine just going for all of you in one room in that situation.

My 13 year old DS doesn’t even like sharing a room with me 😂

I think they would find it awkward and you’d struggle as no space away from them. Other people’s kids are difficult to be around 24/7. Definitely get 2 rooms.

@vivaespanaole try looking at Zafiro Can Picafort. Their rooms have a bedroom and separate living room with the sofa bed that becomes 2 single beds (and stays made up). You don't need to walk through the bedroom to get to the bathroom.

If the 12 year old likes football, they have a football pitch with an organised game at 9pm every night. Also loads of different pools, even one with a bouncy pillow in the water, a wet bar, a big 1.5 metre pool, etc. Our kids won't go but they also have a kids club.

All inclusive is great.

Look at the garden rooms as that also gives you outside space with loungers and hammock to chill on. This can be accessed from doors off of the bedroom or doors off the living room area. Useful for a bit of time with a book or to sit out when kids are asleep.

We have two DCs and have been on quite a lot of AI holidays in Ibiza and Lanzarote. All the hotels we have stayed in bar one put us in an apartment style room so we had a bedroom with a double bed and lounge with two sofa beds. That set up would be perfect for you.

OP I mean this with the greatest respect (I am a step mum too), don't book anything or even worry about thinking about a holiday in a year's time yet. First look at how it goes staying over night and getting into a routine of that. You may find you hate it!

I have been in my DSD's life for over 4 years now and we did a villa holiday which obviously had separate bedrooms for our first holiday together, and this year we are doing an AI hotel but paying extra to have a 2 bedroom 'room' with a little private pool so we also don't have to spend every waking hour at the kids pool (she loves the water!). As much as we're close & comfortable around each other now, it just would not be enjoyable if the 3 of us were sharing a room, let alone 4 of you! We had to pay nearly a grand extra but that's why we take her away every 2 years instead of 1....Her mum does the other years so she gets a holiday a year!

Last year we went away and my husband booked us a room that meant we were all in the same room. So us, 13 year old ss and our shared 10 year old. It was the most uncomfortable week of my life and I can honestly say it ruined my holiday. This year ss didn't come on holiday with us as he went at a similar time with his mam and it was a much more enjoyable experience because no one was uncomfortable. Told husband I'd rather not holiday ever again if we have to share a room, so he's booked us adjoining rooms for next year when ss comes. Last year I didn't even get my own bed as everytime I moved ss jumped in it and would refuse to move because he wanted to be next to his dad.

You are right to be concerned.

Slow down with suggestions of you paying more because you don't have children.

Not a good dynamic to start.

His children, his responsibility to pay.

So many women step in too quickly to be something they are not, a parent.

Keep your money to yourself.

Don't be a mug.

I would not share a room with his DCs. Apart from anything else, it will be awful, and no holiday for you. I also think 12 is too old for is ds to share with you.

Holidays with DCs are bad enough when they’re your own!

I wouldn't do that, it would be awkward for you and them.