SC telling my DC that Father Christmas isn't real

[olivers]

What do you do about this?

My DC are young (<6). SC is 9. He's telling them in secret (whenever we aren't listening) that FC isn't real and now my DC are overly suspicious and making comments about him not being real.

I'm huge for Christmas and this is just younger than I could've imagined to start losing that sector of the magic so soon because of SC.

I'm not sure at all what the best way to go about this is? Any help?

Tell them that FC does exist but only visits people who believe in him.

You need to tell your DH he has to talk to SC urgently. I would be so angry at this

They’re going to get that from older or non-believing FC children they’re around at any point, though. DS’s school class had kids from ethno-religious backgrounds that either didn’t do Christmas at all, or from cultures where someone other than FC brings your Christmas presents, so it was always a matter of ‘some people believe…’

I'd be a little annoyed at the SC repeatedly saying things to be cruel and hurt your children's feelings.

Equally, I don't think it's that unusual for children at your DC's age to start having doubts and I find a lot of the stress and drama comes from adults going on about losing the magic of Christmas and trying to prolong the Santa stage for their own benefit. Adults often seem a lot more invested in keeping the story alive than the children, who are quite happy to keep going as an imaginary game.

Your DP needs to speak to your SC about what they're doing.
You also need to chill out, listen to your children, keep doing whatever you want at Christmas and try not to get caught up in proving Santa exists.

I worked out by myself that Father Christmas must be my parents when I was 5. I asked my mother if that was so, and she said 'Yes, but don't tell your sister (aged 3)'. The age of 6 is plenty old enough to find this out.

When my children started questioning Santa I told them the story of St. Nicholas that he was a real person and that giving gifts is how we keep the spirit of Christmas. They still like getting their Christmas stockings even though they are out of their teens.

The one that really upset them was finding out the tooth fairy is a 'character'. When I admitted that to DD I got 'Oh Poo' as a response.

The truly annoying one was the belief in leprechauns appearing on St. Patrick's Day that pre-school and then elementary school introduced. One of the DC built a leprechaun trap in our kitchen baited with apple because 'There was one in Davis's classroom, she saw it run along the windowsill'. I don't know what Ms. Davis saw but all DC caught was DH who had to have shoulder surgery as a result.

@LaBefana this just seems so young to me to find out. I was 11! And at that age, it was about 50/50 in my class of who believed still.

I have a Muslim colleague who told me his kids aged 6 and 9 came to him in a deputation and demanded that 'Father Christmas' come to their house. Also a tree for him to put the presents under. And a list of things they wanted, and where he and his wife could get them. And they roped in his mother to support them. His father was against it at first, but came round and turned up on Christmas Eve with presents.

This is nothing to do with them being half siblings. Older full siblings will also tell younger siblings that FC isn't real.

Seems spiteful to me. My neice is 7 and still believes, I think under 6 is too young to have the bubble burst.

Observing the tradition and playing make believe is still magical for children. Look at the joy they get from playing imaginary games. They don’t have to have been convinced that FC is as real as the kitchen table.

My kids worked it out as impossible / illogical at 5. But we still talked about Santa coming, and they hung up stockings on their bedroom doors, and we left sacks of presents overnight and did the whole reindeer thing. They were wild with excitement still at 10.

Kids at school, older kids and those with older siblings are everywhere. Enjoy playing and imagining. It’s a fun tradition with or without actual belief.

😂😂😂😂😱😂😂😂

Why are the DSC doing this?
Are they showing signs of insecurity?

Regardless of the subject (FC) they are winding your child up which isn’t nice or fair.

I’d be getting dad to nip this in the bud (by finding out what’s going on/why).

Oh FFS op. Santa isn't real! Why would you expect the whole world to collude with you and pretend that he is?

I don't think it's necessarily your SC being horrible - as soon as my older brother found out there was no Santa he told me, it's what siblings do! He was 6 and I was 5, didn't spoil my childhood, and we didn't tell my parents we knew, in case that cut off presents.

I'd your kids ask you, I think you need to come clean - Santa is a lovely story, the spirit of Christmas but not real, but it's really fun game for everyone to play.

My mother died when I was a child, and my father married again when I was 20. I had left home, but went back for Christmas with him, my sister, and stepmum (who was lovely). On Christmas evening we drove over to stepmum's brother's house for drinks. My dad muttered to me quietly that he was 'a bit eccentric but OK'. When we got there he told us he had a surprise planned for his daughter aged 6. He had hired a complete Father Christmas costume, boots, beard, the lot. I think a few G&Ts had been had already. We all had one, then Dad quietly slipped away. After a few minutes, we heard 'Clump! Clump! Clump!' from upstairs. Then more on the stairs. 'What's that?' the adults said. Little girl looked a bit worried. Then the lounge door opened, and in came Santa! 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' (in a Santa-ish voice). The little girl let out the most piercing scream I had (and have) ever heard, and ran straight under her mother's maxi skirt (it was the early 1970s) and refused to come out. 'Make him go away!' she called. 'He isn't real!'. Dad rather sheepishly removed his beard and hat and said 'It's all right darling, it's only me!' in his normal voice. It took copious reassurances from the mother before the girl would come out.

I always just told my kids that if you don't believe then you don't get presents if they questioned at a young age. My eldest was 11 when he stopped believing.

I mean the little girl's 'Dad' slipped away, not mine!

I think that's stretching the meaning of 'believe' somewhat. Like telling people in the Middle Ages that they'd go to hell if they didn't 'believe' in God.

I would be more concerned that the 9yo is a bit nasty. A 9yo knows that it’s unacceptable to spoil stuff for younger kids. His father needs to talk to him about why he has said this to younger kids and keep an eye on his behaviour on an ongoing basis.

I find it hard to believe that adults think any child really believes in father christmas. I never did, non of my siblings did, and we didn't know many children who did. The odd one or two who did believe in him were just that......odd. And I am talking 5 -6 year olds. I think every child in my extended family is the same.

I've had this conversation with adults my age (mid 60s) and we all say the same thing. We all went along with the idea, enjoyed christmas stuff but basically always knew FC was a nice romantic idea that was totally made up. Just because it's made up, doesn't mean that it's not a fun idea that you can't enjoy buying into for a while.

This sort of passing down knowledge is completely normal. Many parents have a rather idealised, prettified notion of the innocent ignorance that they think their children have in their heads. I can recall as a kid how the kids I knew from maybe 5 or 6 up to 9 or 10 were like a clan united against adults, and we knew adults kept stuff from us, and we shared knowledge. Like where babies come from, Father Christmas existing, fairies, etc. We didn't always tell the adults we knew those things. My own parents woefully underestimated how much I understood.

Well it's not a lie

This happens to all kids and has done throughout time

No biggie

I think that's absolutely right...

On the one hand - it’s true. And kids have learned things from older kids/older siblings since time immemorial, so purely on that level, I can’t see any problem with it. Only issue for me is whether the SC are doing it to upset your little one/you, in which case that’s a different issue.