SC telling my DC that Father Christmas isn't real

[olivers]

What do you do about this?

My DC are young (<6). SC is 9. He's telling them in secret (whenever we aren't listening) that FC isn't real and now my DC are overly suspicious and making comments about him not being real.

I'm huge for Christmas and this is just younger than I could've imagined to start losing that sector of the magic so soon because of SC.

I'm not sure at all what the best way to go about this is? Any help?

My 7 year old has never believed, he never actually told me this but I knew, he's just a born sceptic I think.

Anyway recently he told our 6 year old that neither God not Santa Claus are real and I was a bit annoyed. Not about the God bit to be fair, I'm an atheist but I'm happy for them to come to their own conclusions on that, but there wasn't any need to burst the 6 year olds bubble.

My point is that this isn't a step kids thing, it's a kids thing. My brother told me about Santa when I was about 7, it's just the way it goes.

Personally I think believing until 10/11 is pretty unusual, most kids find out younger than that and given that the whole idea is a bit ridiculous, I'm sure a lot of them work it out long before they are told.

Don't worry, I got it, but this is Mumsnet, so I'm not surprised you felt the need to clarify.

I agree that seems young. My two were 11/12 when they found out. Then when the youngest found out she kept going with the magic so her older sister didn't find out as she assumed she still believed (she's 3 years older!). Was a lovely magical experience. My youngest was told by a school friend and is still upset that was how she found out so I completely understand why you are upset. Mainly it's not for your SC to be telling your children, but by doing it in secret, they know what they are doing is wrong and are doing it to cause upset.

I agree that older siblings also do it

This.

My DD aged 3 told me FC wasn't real along with some other mythical characters. I told her that if she said that to people around Christmas she wouldn't get presents so she has played along for the last two years.

Anyway I know it's not SC telling her as they kindly insist he and other mythical characters exist - DD gives them the side eye - so I suspect it some kid at nursery with older siblings.

Why not just get your DP to have a word with the SDC? Simple.

@LaBefana

"WhamBamThankU
I always just told my kids that if you don't believe then you don't get presents if they questioned at a young age. My eldest was 11 when he stopped believing.

I'd be worried if a great lummox of an 11-year-old boy still really believed in Santa Claus."

I feel sad for you if allowing a child to believe something magical is worrying to you.

Well the fact that DSC keeps doing this when they know that adults aren't around shows they probably know it's not a nice thing to do/they shouldn't be doing it.

I do think it is mean when older kids spoil the fun for younger ones - as presumably they got to enjoy the fantasy themselves at that age!

@WhamBamThankU

I feel sad for you if allowing a child to believe something magical is worrying to you.

Please keep your sadness to yourself. 🙄 11 is way too old for a normal child to believe in Santa Claus.

Not true - my DSD was 8 when she realised FC wasn't real and she fully realises that it would be mean to tell younger DC.

Well, believe it

I genuinely believed when I was a child for a few years. so did my siblings and lots of people I know.

Just because your child didn't tell ... doesn't make it untrue that loads of kids tell.

@LaBefana

"Please keep your sadness to yourself. 🙄 11 is way too old for a normal child to believe in Santa Claus."

That's your opinion entirely. Having read your responses on some other threads I'm not surprised you wouldn't let your children believe a second past when you think they should.

Tell them that father christmas is a concept that lives in the hearts of those who believe in the spirit of christmas. A bit like Jesus.

5 & 6 is surely peak believing age. MN is very odd sometimes.

My DS is 10 and believed until recently (I have never made any announcement to the contrary but wouldn't deny it if he asked) - he is "normal" as a pp so delightfully put it but very imaginative and not particularly worldly which I have no issue with.

I would get your other half to have a word with DSS. If he's doing it too be cruel, 9 year olds can be cruel, then it needs nipping in the bud and told its not acceptable.

Your child at age 12 believed that Santa came down the chimney of every home in the world with free gifts? Was this a NT child? At a mainstream secondary school?

Just tell your kid that Santa only brings presents for good kids which is why he will get some but as SC is naughty Santa doesn’t come for them and that’s why they don’t believe.

5/6 was peak disbelieving age in my experience, because by then they’d started school and come into contact with children who didn’t celebrate Christmas or had different traditions about who brought the presents. I don’t think it made much difference, actually — no need to believe in FC being literally true to have all the fun FC-related traditions.

I think people are missing the point saying older siblings tell younger children. Yes, they might, but if their parents have asked them not to and explained that nobody spoilt the magic for them when they were 6 or younger they shouldn't just carry on. This is about learning empathy and how not to be a dick. They shouldn't be secretly telling the younger children whenever the adults aren't listening if they've been told not to.

So these parents who want to keep their children 'believing' should tell the head teacher of their kids' school, the mayor of the town, Wikipedia, etc, that information about Santa Claus should not be supplied to their kids? How does that work? It's not just siblings. There are local kids in the neighbourhood and school friends to police.

Maybe distract from the fact and just make a nonchalant comment? Hopefully if no reaction he’ll stop doing it. Not sure if he is feeling a little “less than” than the younger children ?

just wondering how much time your step son spends one on one with his Dad ? When you have a very busy young family through no fault of parents older child may feel less than the younger ones, and a little bit of time & TLC can solve that. Does he have fun playing as a group with the stepchildren with you both?

Eventually all 4 of my children between ages 6-8 guessed/ found out from older children too

But sometimes they kept it secret that they knew Santa wasn’t real, because Christmas is huge for our family and they absolutely loved the Christmas traditions and excitement

Older kids will tell their younger siblings stuff like this all the time, most of the things my kids have ever questioned came from their older siblings. Tbh what difference does it really make, kids only really care about the presents anyway I doubt they care about how they got there, frankly the whole father christmas thing is weird anyway & by time kids are 7/8 they certainly shouldn’t be encouraged to believe that nonsense