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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Is 2 weeks notice acceptable for holiday?

83 replies

Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:18

DSS's mother asked my partner if she could take DSS away on holiday for a week abroad, with 2 weeks notice (which is over my partner's weekend) and also take DSS out of school for 5 days. My step-son is 8.

What are people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
HawdMeBack · 12/06/2023 10:20

On an acceptable request IMO.

HawdMeBack · 12/06/2023 10:20

It's*

1992H · 12/06/2023 10:22

He’s 8. I wouldn’t worry about 5 days out of school at the end of the year.

if your partner was to reject it. It should be for issues with the holiday, and not the two week notice.
She May have unsuspectingly had the money to book at late notice, and for me, missing a weekend with one parent is part and parcel of having a normal life for the child.
he can’t never go on holiday because it will miss a day or twos contact, which can be rearranged and made up for.

I don’t think he can do anything to stop his mum taking him anyway for only two weeks. And is it really worth spoiling his holiday, he will probably be really looking forward too it.

I can see no reason to object other than spite, which I don’t think is fair in this situation.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/06/2023 10:22

why would it not be? Does it clash with something your partner has planned?

If she has the chance to go away last minute then why not?

Chewbecca · 12/06/2023 10:23

Taking him on holiday- absolutely yes, hope they have a nice time.
Taking him out of school - I don’t agree with, but your partner may feel it is ok, many do.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 12/06/2023 10:26

More importantly OP, what are your and your DP's thoughts on it?

hedgehoglurker · 12/06/2023 10:28

Chewbecca · 12/06/2023 10:23

Taking him on holiday- absolutely yes, hope they have a nice time.
Taking him out of school - I don’t agree with, but your partner may feel it is ok, many do.

Agreed. Your partner may also be liable for a fine, so if they agree to the holiday might want to consider this.

Original poster
Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:29

Well my partner agreed (I mean they're away this week actually) because obviously he didn't want his son to miss out on a holiday as we can't afford to take him away this year. We are currently saving to go on a summer holiday next year during the school hols as my partner doesn't like taking him out of school.

The short notice was what got him more annoyed tbh...was just interested in hearing other people's points of view

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/06/2023 10:30

I wouldn’t be over the moon about missing school, but other than that it’s ok. It’s not like she’s dropping the child on you with 2 weeks notice to provide childcare.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/06/2023 10:30

Why did it annoy him?

Unless there’s a drip feed of the holiday being booked 12 months ago but only mentioned to him two weeks ago why would a last minute holiday annoy him?

An 8 year old would have been excited for a holiday so it would have been mentioned before if it was planned long term.

CwmYoy · 12/06/2023 10:32

I would expect her to pay both fines for unauthorised absence before I agreed

Whenwillitallmakesense · 12/06/2023 10:35

The kid's getting to have a holiday he wouldn't otherwise have got. Others pay not agree, but an 8yo can easily catch up on one day's schooling. It's not like he's about to sit his exams.
I'm sure your DP can arrange to have DS on an extra weekend and you can all do something special together then.
I can't see a problem but I'm curious as to whether you think otherwise, as I'm not sure what your views are? I'm assuming you have a personal opinion outside of your DP's given your raised the issue here.

gdjb · 12/06/2023 10:37

Sounds like it was a request more than a demand? If she'd demanded it and you had immoveable plans I could understand the frustration, but if she asked and the weekend was clear then it seems unnecessary to pick holes in it, presumably she's snapped up an good last minute deal? I wouldn't like regular term time holidays though, if it became a habit I would have the discussion, but if it's a one off I would let it slide for now.

Chewbecca · 12/06/2023 10:38

Whenwillitallmakesense · 12/06/2023 10:35

The kid's getting to have a holiday he wouldn't otherwise have got. Others pay not agree, but an 8yo can easily catch up on one day's schooling. It's not like he's about to sit his exams.
I'm sure your DP can arrange to have DS on an extra weekend and you can all do something special together then.
I can't see a problem but I'm curious as to whether you think otherwise, as I'm not sure what your views are? I'm assuming you have a personal opinion outside of your DP's given your raised the issue here.

It’s 5 days out of school, not 1.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 12/06/2023 10:40

@Chewbecca yeah, I know. My mistake, meant to say one week. My opinion still stands though

S72 · 12/06/2023 10:43

It wouldn't bother me. Perhaps she got a last minute deal and decided to seize the day. Good on her for taking him on holiday. I'm sure he will have a wonderful time and will create fab memories.

It doesn't sound like the child lives with you during the week so the impact to your day to day life sounds minimal. You haven't mentioned any pre booked events or plans that DSS will now have to miss. Nothing to really worry about it there?

Perhaps the missed contact days could be arranged for before they go or when they are back so the child doesn't miss time with his dad. And of course, if there was a fine then I'd expect the mum to cover all of it.

I hope the child doesn't hear you and dad complaining about this.

Original poster
Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:48

Thanks for all of your replies, it's good to hear from different sides.

My partner was asked at mediation at the start to provide a yearly contact schedule (he works shifts) he was previously providing 6 monthly ones but his ex wasn't happy with this as felt she couldn't plan her life. Just seems a tad hypocritical to then book a holiday with two weeks' notice. I honestly don't think this would be met at all well if we were to do the same.

As my partner works shifts, his weekends are quite precious with his son as he has him Fri-Tues every other week. It now means he can't see his son for a month because of the short notice, he was working the weekend we could have potentially swapped. I guess I wonder could the holiday not have been booked Mon-Mon or Tues - Tues over a weekend she normally has her son. I know some would disagree with this perspective though.

OP posts:
Azandme · 12/06/2023 10:51

My former husband and I have co-parented DD11 for four years. We both have new partners.

Neither of us would have any problem with this. Give and take is what makes it work for us.

Being flexible in the best interests of the child makes life easier. This time it's one parent asking for flexibility, next time it could be your OH. He could complain, but then he's pretty much saying he will never ask for flexibility. And that would be stupid.

Original poster
Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:51

@S72 well yes he will hence why my partner agreed, and not sure where I said we complained in front of him?

And actually yes, there was a big family bbq planned with family he wouldn't have seen in ages but there you go. How can my partner reasonably say no to the request? That's kind of the point as he would be the bad guy regardless.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:52

@Azandme flexibility yes but that doesn't mean every request is reasonable.

OP posts:
Azandme · 12/06/2023 10:54

You say if it was the other way round it wouldn't have been well received.

For me that's even more of a reason to be accommodating - because then you've got one in the bag to refer to if you ever did want flexibility.

Azandme · 12/06/2023 10:55

Oftheage · 12/06/2023 10:52

@Azandme flexibility yes but that doesn't mean every request is reasonable.

No, wvery request isn't, but this one is.

It's in the best interests of the child. And that's where the deciding line falls.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 12/06/2023 10:56

Yeah, definitely disagree with you OP. Yes, not great that DP doesn't get to see his son for a month (although I don't know why a weekend can't be arranged after he returns to 'compensate').
This is a one off. Unless you're going to drip feed and start saying she messes with schedule all the time, just accept the kid is off having a wonderful adventure. You should be happy for him, not resenting mum for being able to take her son away. Not all holidays can be arranged down to tye last minute, mon-mon or Tues-Tues, as you suggest, specially if it was a last minute booking. You take what you can get.
Do you and DP live together? Does this affect your plans or schedule at all? If DP is truly unhappy about it, he can go back to mediation and have his say. But I'm sure there'll be times in future when your DP can't keep to the exact schedule and may have to ask for some flexibility. No need to make it all acrimonious all the time and start letting it affect the kid.

Chewbecca · 12/06/2023 10:58

The good thing is if you agree nicely, you will have set a new precedent of being helpful and flexible. This will work in your favour in the long run. Both parents being helpful and flexible is the goal here!

Reugny · 12/06/2023 10:58

If your DP was unhappy about it instead of whining he should have refused due to taking his son missing 5 days of school.

The law would have been on his side on this one regardless of the child's age.

In regards to the short notice as long as it is a safe country and in the school holidays he really has no grounds to refuse.