Is 2 weeks notice acceptable for holiday?

[Oftheage]

DSS's mother asked my partner if she could take DSS away on holiday for a week abroad, with 2 weeks notice (which is over my partner's weekend) and also take DSS out of school for 5 days. My step-son is 8.

What are people's thoughts on this?

You are presuming his child's mother is a reasonable person.

Unfortunately even after years some - one or both - separated parents are not.

It wouldn't bother me tbh be as flexible as you can with each other

So now you are saying she makes 'unreasonable' requests for flexibility on a regular basis? If so, your DP stops mediation, saying it's not working, and get it into court. Once contact is court ordered and set in stone, neither of them can be swapping and changing dates etc (unless they're prepared to be reasonable, rational, accommodating parents who know that sometimes things pop up in life that can't be predicted or planned for and during these times, it's good to know your co-parent is happy to be flexible because it's the best thing for the child).

If the child is 8, and she's happy to pay the absence fine, I don't see the problem.

Why is 2 weeks too short notice for him?

Surely if the holiday will benefit DSS you'd want him to go and have a lovely time?

Is it in the best interest of the child to miss 5 days of school like some posters are saying? After Covid you'd think they've missed enough lol.

I personally don't see why it's so hard to just plan a little and be respectful.

My partner didn't say no, they are there now. He isn't whining and we haven't moaned or even spoke about it in front on his son so perhaps people on here could be a little more kind before we start jumping on the bandwagon.

A holiday abroad trumps a bbq at home, especially if DSS won't get another holiday this year.

It's all about what is best for DSS, not what is best for your DH.

Of course it's a shame he won't see him that weekend, but in the long run a week abroad will be great for him. This isn't a monthly occurrence.

Who's being unkind, OP? You've asked for people's opinions and that's what we are doing. I'm not sure why you're getting so defensive
Anyway, it's a moot point now. Dad agreed, kid's on holiday and you can't change that now
I'm not so sure you're upset about him missing 5 days school, more you're pissed with mum. There's got to be a bsckstiry to this. How long have you been together for? Do you live together?

I'd consider it a bit rich for an EOW parent to challenge the primary parent's decision to take the child on holiday for a week, tbh. And even more so for their spouse to weigh in. Seems needlessly petty to me.

5 days of school at the age of eight is no biggie.

2 weeks is a very short notice so he’s rightly annoyed, some people won’t be able to organise afternoon meet up at such a short notice especially over summer. You could have plans for that weekend where you paid for something/ committed to something. And she is taking him out of school so it means a fine for your partner to pay.
However not much he can do in reality especially as child wants to go and it’s their only opportunity to get on holiday this year.
Has she given you a reason for such a short notice?

As someone who shares weekends with ex DP ( although I am primary carer) I'd always organise a holiday during 'my' weekend otherwise I'd be aware I was asking a massive favour from ex DP. He would do the same as me. I understand where you're coming from OP - some of these responses are odd, I'd be gutted to miss a weekend with my children.

I think it's fine. Too short notice to ask you to have him more than usual, perhaps, but not to miss a weekend. That doesn't require you to "do" anything.

I personally don't see why it's so hard to just plan a little and be respectful.

Whats not respectful in asking if she can take the child away?

She didn’t announce it to your other half. She asked if she could take their child out of school for a last minute holiday.

Sometimes planning isn’t possible. An 8yo going on holiday would have mentioned it so sounds like a last minute opportunity to go and she asked your other half. She didn’t say “ha fuck you and your contact time - we’re going” - she asked.

Surely you’re not suggesting she should have just ignored an opportunity to have a last minute holiday because your partner is offended at her asking?

Completely agree. As long as the days are made up so the child doesn't miss time with his other parent, then happy days.

The OP made a point about missing school due to covid. However, covid showed us that our freedom to travel and have adventures outside of our homes can be taken away.

It has been a hard few years for young people. A holiday can work wonders for wellbeing. Children can also learn so much from travelling.

Glad to hear the DSS is on holiday now and I hope he has the best time! I'm sure he will have lots of stories to share with OP and his dad when he is back.

I think most posters are giving their opinions based on the fact it was short notice so everyome assuming it was a last minute opportunity. And that the assumption it's a one-off request. OP had not corrected this assumption. I'm not sure what's odd about any of the comments in that context?

Of course, in the normal course of things, both parents should be aware of school times and respect the other's time with DC, try plan ahead, give plenty of notice etc. But sometimes opportunities arise and it would be immature and churlish to ruin kid's chance to enjoy a holiday out of pettiness

I think flexibility is definitely key for both sides. And I would probably agree to this, but I would also be annoyed at the short notice.

My ds goes to his dad's every other weekend. My weekends with him are often booked up for the next month or so and I'd be annoyed to be asked to change my plans at short notice. In fact, this has happened just last week. His dad has asked to swap this weekend. I've said yes but I've also had to cancel plans we had.

Normally I would probably have said no in my case, but I weighed up the events (a whole class party with me Vs his step mums baby shower/get together where lots of his other friends would be).

This. She could just agree your DH gets an extra weekend once they get back. I'd complain about taking his child out of school though and won't he get a fine too?

Dp and his ex have always been as flexible as possible and would stand in each others way of seeing the children for things like short notice. However, neither of them would take the kids out of school for a week for a holiday and I'm shocked that so many posters think this ok. The responses would have been very different if a I posted the me and do planning to do the same with the DSCs.

If the kids ever go away for an extended time we see them more before and after. Is your partners life really so inflexible that a 2 week holiday means he can't see his children for a month? Why can't he take them out for dinner or take some annual leave?

@Whenwillitallmakesense well of course, but I don't think OP's partner has refused have they? She was asking opinions on it and if I was in that situation of course I wouldn't refuse but at the same time I wouldn't be particularly happy about it.

I’d say two weeks would be short notice if she was asking him to have his own child suddenly for a week bar an emergency but two week notice to change a eow visitation doesn’t seem bad tbh.

You haven't answered so I'm assuming it was a last minute booking, not so unreasonable if so. I wouldn't like it if I only saw my kids eow but would want them to experience a holiday especially if I couldn't provide one.
Of course it wouldn't be met well if your partner did it... the child doesn't live with him, the child lives with mum and goes to dad's eow so it would be totally inappropriate for him to book a holiday with two weeks notice. Assuming he can't have the child 50/50 due to work commitments? I'm assuming that due to him needing to provide a year long rota for his ex to work around (which was totally fair of her to ask for).

No one would want to miss a weekend with their kids but the flip side is their kids are off having a ball on holiday. If I couldn't afford to take mine away I'd be more than happy for their dad to take them somewhere, even at such short notice.

Exh and I have the kids 50/50 split, of course a holiday longer than a few days eats into the other parent's contact time. We just arrange around it. Neither of us is petty enough to stop our kids having a nice life just because we divorced.

Will he get fined for being off school? Your partner may wish to inform the school that he was not able to prevent DSS going and it was not his decision for him to miss school (otherwise he may get fined)

I think if it benefits his child (eg a holiday, fun memories with mum) then the dad shouldn’t stand in the way of that or complain about it being too short notice. If he’s got no big plans eg a wedding or a birthday party coming up or his ds hasn’t got a big hobby event coming up, then he’d be selfish to pull his face about a last minute holiday.

Being flexible is the way to go.

Yes @toodlesofoodles but neither is the OP. If you read her posts then the DSS is on holiday. I agree that it's best the child goes but that's not what the OP is asking, she's asking is the lack of notice a problem and imo it would be ( that's not to say I wouldn't let my children go, of course I would) but it's reasonable to be annoyed by it.

I directly replied to you saying you would organise a holiday during "your" time.

I also said that the short notice wouldn't be an issue for me, I did respond to the op's question but my post was directed to you, not the op.