Is 2 weeks notice acceptable for holiday?

[Oftheage]

DSS's mother asked my partner if she could take DSS away on holiday for a week abroad, with 2 weeks notice (which is over my partner's weekend) and also take DSS out of school for 5 days. My step-son is 8.

What are people's thoughts on this?

Okay fair enough. The short notice would be an issue for me but then I've just given my ex 13 months notice of a holiday I'm planning and he has given me 11 months notice so I guess we're all different!

The OP has failed to elaborate and say if it was a last minute booking or whether mum takes piss all the time- although that's what she's hinted at.

For all we know, OP might not even live with DP, could have been with him 5 minutes (,I've asked but no response) so may really have nothing to do with her. Dad has given permission and kid is already on holiday, and presumably have dealt with any issues with the school. So it's really no use us arguing about it amongst ourselves, making assumptions snd then trying to justify them amongst ourselves.

100% this. Don't see the benefit to the child of the adults squabbling about whether adequate notice was given. Whatever happened to the child always comes first?

5 years thank you.

Personally I think it's a bit rich for the parent who has the child the majority of the time to book a holiday over the other parent's more limited time.

@Rtmhwales I think this is how I feel too tbh.

There's been no squabbling, resentment or arguing or anything else people have said. My partner was also never going to reject, he's away now as stated.

None of the above was the point of my post.

I don't even think this is fair to post OP. Its evident you have a problem with it though . Do you all get along usually?

When people co parent why do things have to be so rigid? Because it over spills onto the child. Surely on an occasion like a holiday one parent can have some extra time. Is it really a big deal?

Schools usually don't bother sending fines out for 5 days and under of missed schools and some even authorise a holiday if your child generally has excellent attendance.

If DS dad was taking him on holiday for me and I had to pay £60 fine I would chew his hand off.

There obviously is resentment or there wouldn't be the thread, would there?

So, when was the holiday actually booked? What reason did mum give for the short notice?

Did the school have a problem with it? Was there a fine to pay? If so, who paid it?

But surely the op's husband can just see the child more before and after to make up for it. Is he not willing to juggle his life around a bit so he can see his son?

What difference would have it had made if there was longer notice? It may well be that the arrangements aren't OK, I wouldn't be happy about missing school, although I realise others would, but what specifically about longer notice would have made a difference?

If it was ok then there's no problem. We had similar when dh's ex agreed one of DSC could go to something but it was "DH's" weekend and he'd planned to see their grandparents. So the answer was no and mum had to accept that. It all worked out fine. It's only a problem if your DH can't say no without it all kicking off.

She's his mum and is treating him to a well earned holiday. Why would you even consider saying no to her request especially if you cannot afford to take him anywhere. Sounds petty to me.

@DustyLee123 absolutely. There have been several threads lately, about getting two weeks notice to provide extra childcare, but being given two weeks notice that less/no childcare is required is not quite the same thing!

Missing 5 days off school for an 8 year old, is really not something to make a song and dance about. In the grand scheme of things it's not going to affect who he becomes in life.

Now that she's made a last minute request, she should be more accommodating of him with future requests, which deviate from the schedule.

This.

She is doing virtually all the parenting. She probably needs the holiday.

I can't see why you are cross about the 2 weeks notice; presumably your partner will have his DC the weekend before or after to make up for it. No need for all this drama when you are being asked to do less (it would different if you were unexpectedly being asked to do more).

I wouldn’t worry about school but I do think it’s short notice.

We have a court order that states 30 days notice, we can put requests to the other parent after that but they have a right to say no on the grounds of notice without being seen as unreasonable.

DSS is probably aware so I’d agree this time but ask for more notice in future.

The fact he only sees DSS EOW is irrelevant - he has PR and contact arrangements are in place. You also don’t know why he only sees dad EOW.

If anything, it’s worse because is if dad misses a weekend then he won’t see DSS for 4 weeks. You don’t know that mum would agree to ‘lieu days’.

Unless it really was a last minute idea she could have given you notice of notice. For example telling you months ago that she is looking for a late deal and will only be able to give very little notice. But hey ho.
She should really offer for dad to have him as soon as he gets back, If that's convenient to you guys?
Regarding school, it should be a discussion between mum and dad as to whether their child misses school. If he's not normally absent /off sick a lot it's probably not the end of the world at 8. Others may disagree. But perhaps dad could raise it now politely if he's not happy with it going into high school etc

How dramatic. What would you be missing? Because you could do 2 weekends in a row before the child goes on holiday.... or make the 2 weeks up in a row.

It shouldn't be this hard. Many people go on holiday for 2 whole weeksor long haul holidays.

@Flowersun6 it's not particularly dramatic. As someone who shares EOW with my ex I have my children for 2 weekends a month so I like to ensure we do things. I'm already booked up until September with various outings, visits to friends and family, all of which are difficult to change.

The other weekends i have made plans with my husband, have weddings and non child related things. Why do you think it's dramatic to be irritated that plans being changed at the last minute puts people out and can result in loss of money? Also some things are not easily rebooked.

While I'd always agree that children should go on a last minute holiday it's not 'dramatic' to be a little irritated by the change of plans unless you have a particularly uneventful life

@OneForTheRoadThen I'm not going to get into a slanging match with you or start making indirects about you.

It's quite apparent by your tons.... Lots of people do EOW myself included.

I would say the mother is completely out of line. She could have booked a holiday on her own time - why did it need to be exactly on the days your OH would have the child? I mean she has the boy 10 days in a row, she easily could have arranged the holiday during her own time.

I think this is bullying from the mother and she's done this on purpose. She knew this was an "easy" win for her either way. Either OH giver her the permission (and she feels like she has power over OH), or OH doesn't give permission and then the mother has the right to slag him off to the boy and say he's ruined the holiday. Your OH couldn't have won this one.

And don't get me started on this "the mother was just thanking the boy's best interests wanting to take him on a holiday". She wasn't - if she was, she would have though that it's important that an 8 year old gets to have a relationship with both of his parents, and arrange the holiday on her own time. Shouldn't be that hard!

You mention you've been to mediation with her, so that means the relationship is sour. I would not do the mother any more favours unless you get something first. For example you could say - OK we can do that holiday on a two week's notice, if you sign this consent order that formalizes visitation schedule and notice for holidays. Or we will do it if we can have the son extra before then. Or whatever it is that you need.

Also, read a book "Say goodbye to crazy". I feel it may be applicable to you.

Why doesn't your boyfriend have his son more than every other weekend if your boyfriend's time with his son is precious? Surely it would be better for both of them.

@Azerothi
are you taking the piss 😂
most dad’s would love to have their kids more, most mum’s don’t want to see their kids less. Jesus wept, that’s not even relevant to the bloody post!