Wedding plans

[Navigatingthroughlife]

Hi All,

Myself and partner are starting to plan our wedding. We’re looking at getting married abroad and he has two kids from previously relationship. By the time of the wedding kids will be 17&14 (couple of months off 18&15). We’re looking at options and seen a beautiful hotel we want to get married in. Partner wants us and kids to share a big family room but as it’s our wedding/honey wrapped into one I thought it would be best to have our own room. Obviously kids will be at the wedding and holidaying with us but they’ll be a lot of family flying out that would happily have the kids in their room.

what would you guys do in this situation? Just for context I adore the kids and we’ve had holidays where we’ve all stayed in a villa etc but it’s only because it’ll be our wedding that this has crossed my mind.

Thank you!

At that age I'd get them their own room.

Thank you @HomeB I thought the same was just looking for other peoples opinions too as I didn’t want to come across as unreasonable 😊

Why does he want to share? I would suggest two rooms for a normal holiday with children of that age, they’re old enough to be in a room just them and it gives you all privacy. Family rooms aren’t really designed for essentially 4 adults and a nearly fully grown teen.
Also what about intimacy; he’s guaranteeing none through this arrangement

8 and 5 possibly share... Not bloody adding a decade on their ages! Is your dp usually so dim?

Well this was my view but I think as we’ve recently come back from a lovely villa holiday he thought something like that would be best as the kids will feel included but I’ve tried to explain this is a hotel not a villa and I’d want us to have one on one time too. He’s very conscious of his kids feelings which I absolutely love about him (much better than a dad who can’t be bothered) and I think his concerns were the kids feeling left out. We all get on great but I think he worries about it. Both the kids will play a role in our wedding (bridesmaid and usher) but he did mention to me when we first starting discuss for the child who will be 17 at the time come and look at venues with us which I thought wasn’t really appropriate that’s for the bride and groom to do 😂

That's weird, surely you want your own room for some privacy? Why not book a 2 bed apartment or villa on this trip?

😬 Don't want to be a downer OP but I'd see this as a pretty big red flag. Obviously they should go in their own room, is he going to be this ridiculous about everything to do with his kids? I can see that becoming incredibly stifling.

fantastic idea - we got married abroad & took our step son. He did share a room with us but it was a multi level room & his room was upstairs

I find this downright weird OP. That's a very odd dynamic he has with his kids.

@PinkFootstool the venue we’ve seen is a hotel and it just makes sense to stay in the hotel we’re getting married in. Also without sounding lazy I don’t want to spend my wedding/honeymoon tidying up 😂

@Weatherwax13 I get what you’re saying but they’re still a bit younger at the moment so I think he doesn’t realise how much more mature they’d be by then if that makes sense?

I don’t think this is even a stepparenting thing, it’s weird that he wants kids that age to share a room with their parents full stop. What’s he like with money?

@MiddleParking genuinely very giving he’s not tight at all. This hasn’t got anything to do with saving money on a room I think he just doesn’t want them to feel left out

Of course they shouldn’t be in your honeymoon suite. Are they allowed their own room at under 18 though?

Ewwww no way do teens want to share with parents! Has your partner actually MET his children?

Sorry if it sounds like I’m drip feeding but I think he imagine a family room with like separate bedrooms etc

How much younger? My DC are 4 and 1 and I wouldn't dream of THEM sharing with us on our wedding night. I'm assuming they're older than that.

It's weird regardless of age, and will leave you very little breathing room as a couple if he's going to be like this about every little thing.

I would assume that most teenagers would be mortified at having to share a hotel room with their newly married dad/ stepmum.

@Franseen well that’s what I thought. To be honest I went on my first girls holiday at 17 and had no issues but some hotels might which is why I mentioned other family they could share with

Yuck.

As an 14/15 year old even more yuck yuck.

Hmm. I can sort of understand his logic but you should be putting your foot down hard. If he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to get married with an age/space/relationship-appropriate room arrangement for everyone he shouldn’t be getting married.

Oh yes definitely not that young! 11 and 14 😊

He doesn't want them to feel left out? I do think post divorce some parents try to overcompensate and make these ridiculous suggestions because of that.

It's completely inappropriate for two nearly adults to be sleeping in the honeymoon suite bedroom with their father and stepmother. Do these teenagers even want to? Your partner sounds very strange.

I would want them to have their own room. Also….. in their position I think I’d want my own room too at that age.

I think most posters are in agreement with this.