Do you invite the SC?

[huntersmum1]

I am married to a man with 3 children from a previous marriage, we have 1 together who is just a baby.
My good female friend who I've known since school has invited me my husband and our baby to a garden party this Sunday, he has his children every Sunday. Sometimes I like an excuse to escape the Disney dad show my DH puts on but on the whole having the DSC around doesn't bother me.
My friend has not extended the invite to the DSC, frankly because it wouldn't have crossed her mind, I don't treat them like my own and we arnt a 'blended family' or at least not the ideal ones I read about.
I'm in a dilemma should I ask my friend if the DSC could come as if not husband can't, or does that put her in an awkward position, three extra mouths to feed? (There is at least one other baby attending, my DSC are 7 9 and 11)
Or do I just say to DH he can't come as the offer has not been extended for them.
Or do I ask him to swap days and have them on the Saturday instead.

Babies are easily taken to a garden party/barbecue for adults without really changing the dynamic. An additional three older children much less so. Four kids are really not very portable which is one of the many reasons most people don’t have them these days. It’s obviously going to curtail your husband’s social life being a parent across different households to so many children - he’s made that choice. I would just go without him (but probably with the baby, depending if they’re old enough to be left with dad).

These threads are always ridiculous IMO.

OP I would just tell your friend that your DH has his DC that day so it will be just you and baby.

Your step DC will have their dad's full attention for the day.

I think it's bonkers to expect a step mum to suddenly love her DH's children as her own and pretend that she is their mother when they are there. They have a mother and a father. A step parent is a loving third adult that cares very much about the DC's wellbeing without actually being a parent.

I had a lovely step mother. I was always very welcome and loved. I continued to visit her and my half siblings just as often after my DF died.

But I was rightly not invited on every holiday or event that they went to as a family. Some, but not all. It wouldn't have occurred to me that I should. I also had holidays and events with my DM.

I stopped reading at ‘utterly

I have four as well. I agree with all you said. That’s different then excluding one or three imo.

But 3 of them are not the OP’s kids. And they probably go on holiday without the 4th (because their mother takes them).

Pretending that stepfamilies are the same as nuclear families is just silly.

👍🏻

I exclude them tbh sometimes I will take one or two to a show or a theme park. Spend a night in a hotel. The next time do something with someone else. Fair does not mean equal. The older three shouldn’t have to wait until the baby can participate in stuff. Op should get to do stuff with the baby.

I actually think it’s really important that children of larger / blended families get to enjoy time individually. Focusing on a child as an individual rather than lumping all the children together all the time.

🤦🏻‍♀️ A comment that’s already been discussed and repeated.

Yes. I think that is horrible tbh. You should not be with a man with children if you do not want them in your family.

I stopped reading at ‘utterly @Irritateandunreasonable

I have to say your username based on your posts are spot on. Your so unfazed by pp comment not only "you didn't read" but you commented to tell her you didn't read it 😂😂😂

You must be a ball at parties 😅

@Snugglemonkey then I must be the worlds worst mum because I live and cherish my Dc, but I too sometimes like to holiday "gasp and clutches pearls" without them.

Let's not play the game of 2+2 = omg must hate your sc and keep them in the basement 🙄

There is a big difference between wanting the odd holiday without them and actually just not wanting them to come on holiday at all! I like child free time, but that is not what we are talking about here and you know know it!

If this was me I would ask DH to drop his kids home early or swap a day. Three older children are very unlikely to want to go to your friends house- I'm sure they'll feel uncomfortable being there.
It's not unreasonable to want you to go with your husband and baby. I'm sure circumstances come up where you need to swap days?

@Snugglemonkey the difference is let's be honest that I am mum so I can say holidays with children especially small ones aren't actually holidays. They tend to be nightmares tbh.

But I can say that because I'm their parent. Someone else saying holidays aren't really holidays with small children (sm, aunty, uncle) are stating the freaking obvious.
It doesn't mean that acknowledging that fact equals that the poster doesn't want them on their family. That's ridiculous.

It means holidays with small people tend to be like the hunger games in a hotter country and routine out the window.

Every parent knows this, it's just some titles makes it ok or this case not ok acknowledging it.

Ok… 🤷🏻‍♀️