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Original poster

Holidays

58 replies

MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:21

I realise I will get lynched for this and to start by saying I do like my sc and have no issues.

Except we can't afford to go abroad ever as a family of 5. We could afford to go with just me, dh and ds. The thing that frustrates me is the sc go abroad every year for a couple of weeks and we can't go cause dh won't go without them. Which i do understand but I don't want to go without dh.

So i find myself resentful that they have a lovely sunny holiday every year and we can't afford to go anywhere. And I feel bad for ds who is missing out on the experience

Anyone else had the same issue?

OP posts:
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Reasonableadjustments · 07/05/2023 18:23

Can you save and go every other year?

Original poster
MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:26

We've tried but we domt earn a lot and holidays for four all seem to be at dearest 4500, so that is a lot a month to save

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 07/05/2023 18:27

We have this issue. We can't afford school holiday prices which is the only time DP can go, and I'm certain dsds mother wouldn't let her go out of holidays anyway.
I've just spontaneously booked a week in Turkey for me and my 2 boys in June. AI 4* for a week for £1300 vs £7k for the same holiday for 5 of us in school holidays.
I decided my kids life is too short to miss out. Dsd goes with her mum on a holiday the week before, so the only one missing out really is DP.
My dad has taken us all on holiday twice, so it isn't as if we haven't had a family holiday. We also have a week away in the summer staying at DPs family and doing lots of day trips - we do this each year.
I am really looking forward to our holiday now, DP or not. Obviously I'd love him to be there, but I'm not letting my kids miss out on something they absolutely loved.

aSofaNearYou · 07/05/2023 18:29

Do you have any family or friends you would be happy to go with? It would be a real shame for your Dc to miss out just because your DH won't go and you won't go without him.

Lovingitallnow · 07/05/2023 18:29

I think someone's going to have to make a sacrifice, either you or him. I'd book something without him.

funinthesun19 · 07/05/2023 18:30

Could you go on your own with DS? And maybe take a family member with you if you aren’t confident to go alone?

I get it. You can’t go as a family of 5 but it’s a shame for your DS to miss these experiences when his siblings aren’t missing out. So could taking him on your own be an option?

PizzaPastaWine · 07/05/2023 18:31

If he won't go without the SDC then I'd go without him.

I'd then do something altogether like a camping holiday.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2023 18:32

Go on your own with DS. I do with DD and there aren't any SC.

Reugny · 07/05/2023 18:33

Find another family member or friend to go with, then take your DS without your DH.

My SILs would frequently go on holiday without their DHs because they couldn't get the necessary time off. Remember while you are married you aren't joint at the hip.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 07/05/2023 18:34

The only option is to go just you and your DS. Of course your husband doesn’t want to go with only 1/3 of his children, you’d be very unreasonable to try and insist on it.

Original poster
MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:44

At no point have I insisted on it, hence why we never go away. I'd feel guilty going abroad without dh

OP posts:
Swishhh · 07/05/2023 18:46

Could the three of you go when they go away or you go way with just your DC?

aSofaNearYou · 07/05/2023 18:53

MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:44

At no point have I insisted on it, hence why we never go away. I'd feel guilty going abroad without dh

Why on Earth would you feel guilty? He's choosing not to go. The only person you should feel guilty towards is your DS.

I'd understand if you just didn't feel up to doing it by yourself, but guilt is silly.

Original poster
MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:57

I'd feel guilty as he's a good man and dad who works hard all year and it wouldn't feel right to go off and leave him home whilst we went to the sunshine.

We couldn't go the 3 of us when they are away as dh won't do it. It's all 3 or none

OP posts:
Swishhh · 07/05/2023 18:58

Go with your DC, you may find he wants to go with you then.

aSofaNearYou · 07/05/2023 19:00

MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:57

I'd feel guilty as he's a good man and dad who works hard all year and it wouldn't feel right to go off and leave him home whilst we went to the sunshine.

We couldn't go the 3 of us when they are away as dh won't do it. It's all 3 or none

Yes - and he's choosing not to go. Don't you think he should feel guilty if that means you and DS can never go?

funinthesun19 · 07/05/2023 19:02

MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:44

At no point have I insisted on it, hence why we never go away. I'd feel guilty going abroad without dh

God no, don’t feel guilty. He’s a grown arsed man with choices, whereas your DS is a child without choices and it’s up to you to advocate for him and what is right for him.
Your DH will always be torn, so he won’t see DS missing out in the same way as you do.

Ultimately, he chose to have children with two different women. And with that sometimes comes these situations. He needs to understand that sometimes things aren’t always going to be about him. Don’t feel guilty. If he wants a holiday he can have one in a few years when he’s saved up for everyone.

SeulementUneFois · 07/05/2023 19:05

OP

As they grow up your children will realize that they are second rate children to their father.
You need to have a serious conversation with him.

spottybug · 07/05/2023 19:09

Why would you feel guilty he isn't there but not guilty you aren't taking your child on holiday when you are able to? Why is your child the one who has to miss out? Your DH is treating his child absolutely appallingly. You have the means to treat your child to a holiday with their parents. And he's saying no. Because he can't afford to take the others. This is so damaging for your child.

spottybug · 07/05/2023 19:09

Your child is going to seriously resent this attitude if it carries on

Swishhh · 07/05/2023 19:10

I would definitely book something for when the others are away, if he doesn’t want to join you then it’s up to him.

greyhairnomore · 07/05/2023 19:51

MylittleLovebug · 07/05/2023 18:44

At no point have I insisted on it, hence why we never go away. I'd feel guilty going abroad without dh

Don't feel guilty- his choice.

greyhairnomore · 07/05/2023 19:52

Why is he ok for your child to miss out but not his other children?

Freefall212 · 07/05/2023 19:54

Do you contribute your fair share financially to the household?

If so, then just go away with your own DC. I get your DH not wanting to only take one child on vacations. Do cheap vacations with everyone together.

Freefall212 · 07/05/2023 19:55

greyhairnomore · 07/05/2023 19:52

Why is he ok for your child to miss out but not his other children?

His other children do miss out on vacations with their dad too. It doesn't sound like he travels with any of them as he can't afford to take all of them.

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