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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Grandchildren

57 replies

Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 15:10

We both have grandchildren from our respective children. I love all our grandchildren like my own but my husband doesn't. When I asked him about it he said well they don't have any of my DNA... He's told me he can't f**King stand my son and doesn't trust him as far as he can throw him. I don't know why he feels like that and there is absolutely no justification for him to think that he can't be trusted. Absolutely gutted, real mixture of emotions and not sure what to do about it. 😠😢 What would you do in my situation...!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sue20203 · 21/03/2023 05:17

SemperIdem · 20/03/2023 08:33

I don’t think not loving all the grandchildren is the biggest issue here. I’d be surprised if that wasn’t relatively commonplace.

The big issue is definitely his attitude towards your son. To say he doesn’t trust him suggests there are specific reasons why, have there been issues around loaning money or similar? It just seems an odd thing to say.

There is nothing. We lent him £500 once when his car broke down but he paid it all back. Honestly it is totally unjustified. He doesn't like him and he's thrown trust into the mix too now. I've been thinking back over things and he has definitely been gaslighting me for years but the blinkers have finally fallen off... I've changed my will, I just need to get it witnessed then decide my next steps.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sue20203 · 21/03/2023 05:20

Also it's not just that he doesn't love my grandchildren but he hardly sees them and barely interacts with them when he does... Whereas I make a fuss of all of them be it 'mine' or 'his'

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 21/03/2023 09:55

If there’s nothing to warrant his view of your son, then he is just a thoroughly unpleasant man and I’m glad you’ve quickly taken positive next steps. Good for you!

gettingoldisshit · 21/03/2023 10:30

Op im going to give you a different perspective here! I couldn't stand my ex ds! Now if you asked his dp they didn't think their ds did anything wrong, he was a nice kid etc etc! Ds however was an obnoxious, rude, bad mannered, sly brat! They just couldn't see it! Could this situation be happening in your family? Im not saying it is im just giving another perspective! I absolutely would never have said anything to my ex or his ds or treated his ds any differently to any of the other dc in the relationship! I was relieved when we split because i didn't have to encounter this awful ds anymore. Im sure if you asked his dp they would give you a very different version of their ds!

Original poster
Sue20203 · 21/03/2023 14:21

gettingoldisshit · 21/03/2023 10:30

Op im going to give you a different perspective here! I couldn't stand my ex ds! Now if you asked his dp they didn't think their ds did anything wrong, he was a nice kid etc etc! Ds however was an obnoxious, rude, bad mannered, sly brat! They just couldn't see it! Could this situation be happening in your family? Im not saying it is im just giving another perspective! I absolutely would never have said anything to my ex or his ds or treated his ds any differently to any of the other dc in the relationship! I was relieved when we split because i didn't have to encounter this awful ds anymore. Im sure if you asked his dp they would give you a very different version of their ds!

I understand what you are saying as a I had a similar relationship with his daughter when she was a child but we get on great now. Honestly I don't have my son on a pedestal, we've had many an argument when he was growing up and we still disagree on things from time to time now. However, he is not rude, he never back chatted when he was a child and he never brought trouble to our door but they have just failed to bond. If I'm honest my husband is probably not top of my son's Christmas card list but he's my husband and he respects him as such. I can't carry on in this marriage because all that keeps going through my mind is that my son will be devastated when something happens to me and I'm afraid my husband will be obnoxious to him. As much as he says he'll make sure he gets his fair share I just don't trust to do right by him anymore... :-(

OP posts:
jemimapuddlepluck · 21/03/2023 15:40

I would definitely separate/divorce OP. Your husband sounds like a world class dickhead. You sound so lovely, good luck 😊

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 15:44

As an adult does your ds look more like his df now? Has that triggered a rage with your dh?

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