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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Grandchildren

57 replies

Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 15:10

We both have grandchildren from our respective children. I love all our grandchildren like my own but my husband doesn't. When I asked him about it he said well they don't have any of my DNA... He's told me he can't f**King stand my son and doesn't trust him as far as he can throw him. I don't know why he feels like that and there is absolutely no justification for him to think that he can't be trusted. Absolutely gutted, real mixture of emotions and not sure what to do about it. 😠😢 What would you do in my situation...!

OP posts:
flutterbyebaby · 17/03/2023 15:58

Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 15:53

I don't find this remotely funny trust me. I'm trying not to have a flipping breakdown here because I need to stay strong to do what I know I must. Don't you think I'm beating myself up about it. Now I need to make it right. Thanks for your opinions all welcome no matter how hard to read

Breath, I get it must be hard, have you spoken to your son about any of this, he may be protecting you

Original poster
Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 16:01

No because I was frightened of bringing it to a head but now I know my husbands true feelings I'm not going to tell my son but I am going to ask him what he thinks about him.

OP posts:
flutterbyebaby · 17/03/2023 16:03

I think that's probably the best bet for now, don't let your other half know though

lunar1 · 17/03/2023 16:06

You are really lucky to still have your ds in your life after having to live with a stepparent who constantly moaned at him for nothing. I'll never understand why people make their children live like this.

Meandfour · 17/03/2023 16:08

I can’t get past the fact you married a man who didn’t like your child.

smileladiesplease · 17/03/2023 16:34

Do the right thing now op it's for the best for all of you

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 16:43

You can't change the past but you can certainly change your future.

I'd be telling him you're glad your son doesn't have his DNA because then he'd also be a horrible human being.

You don't trust him and more importantly, he doesn't like your son. Get him gone. There is absolutely no way your son hasn't picked up on his feelings. He's likely just been conditioned to keep his mouth shut or thinks it won't make a difference to you anyway because it hasn't made you care since he was a child (sorry, I know that sounds rude but I feel so sorry for your son).

Or your H is a wonderful liar and has hidden it which is no better.

Original poster
Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 16:49

People are not reading the whole thread. Just to clarify he didn't moan at my son he moaned about my son to me but only after we got married... Some of it was down to our different parenting styles and we used to argue about our kids all the time. The same other couples do who are not step families. He has only just shown his true feelings... I'm not a complete muppet but granted I have stayed longer than I should have done...

OP posts:
BeverlyHa · 17/03/2023 16:52

He is bitter where the money will go once he dies.

pinkyredrose · 17/03/2023 18:28

Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 15:19

He's always had a downer on him right from when he was a child and he's carried it on into adulthood. My son doesn't know and he would also be gutted if he did.

You stayed yrs with a man that hates your son?

Original poster
Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 18:47

I didn't know that until yesterday...

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/03/2023 18:54

How old were your children when you got together op and what about your children's father, where is he?

smileladiesplease · 17/03/2023 19:01

So he had a 'downer?' On your son since childhood but didn't show it to your ds? How was that then was he loving to his face snd completely different behind his back?? You clearly knew he had issue with your child?

He doesn't like your child or grandchild as they are not his DNA??

I am not often baffled on mumsnet but this is so Beyond understanding that you stuck with this prick it's bizarre

smileladiesplease · 17/03/2023 19:03

Get legal advice on your will/seperation behind the gits back.,

Do it op

Chiccaletta · 17/03/2023 19:13

Wow, some very strong opinions on this thread. Certainly not worth breaking apart a marriage over, loads of families have dynamics like these.
Seems like all could be resolved by making an iron-clad will and maybe slyly encourage your son to do a little gentle kiss-ass/bonding to win the old man over in future family get togethers. I'm guessing they don't support the same sport teams.

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 19:29

Are you sure the things he's said are untrue? Could it not be that he's kept them from you to try and protect you?

smellyflowers · 17/03/2023 19:48

Not loving the grandchildren on your side is a different kettle of fish to actively disliking your son

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 19:49

Chiccaletta · 17/03/2023 19:13

Wow, some very strong opinions on this thread. Certainly not worth breaking apart a marriage over, loads of families have dynamics like these.
Seems like all could be resolved by making an iron-clad will and maybe slyly encourage your son to do a little gentle kiss-ass/bonding to win the old man over in future family get togethers. I'm guessing they don't support the same sport teams.

Not sure if this is sarcastic?

If not, do not listen to this.

If anyone disliked my child for no reason they'd be gone immediately. As I said earlier, your poor son.

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 19:52

Kiss the ass of a grown man who cares so little about his wife and her son she has had to post on here and the SON has to grovel? Jesus wept.

smileladiesplease · 17/03/2023 23:19

Last 3 posts very very wierd but hey ho op your call

smileladiesplease · 17/03/2023 23:20

Oh not 'breathe' obviousiy

Chiccaletta · 18/03/2023 00:26

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 19:49

Not sure if this is sarcastic?

If not, do not listen to this.

If anyone disliked my child for no reason they'd be gone immediately. As I said earlier, your poor son.

Show quote history

Her son is a friggen grown man with a wife and kids, he's not a child! She doesnt need to baby him any more.
Simply suggesting she gets the men to make an effort to find common ground and start liking eachother. Nothing the son wouldnt have done already whilst getting to know his own in-laws. And to check her will to protect her kids inheritance (which people do anyway incase their new partner remarries and dies before their respective new partner).
This thread is like so many others trying to push push push various OPs into divorce its ridiculous.

Newestname002 · 19/03/2023 06:20

Sue20203 · 17/03/2023 15:42

Haha, yes, plenty of times but it doesn't change the facts. It came to a head because we were talking about getting our wills done. I don't trust him to do right by my son if something happened to me first so I need a solicitor for something entirely different now...

In the first instance maybe check with very close friends if they gave any recommendations of good family law solicitors. Otherwise check The Law Society's website and "Find a solicitor" solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/. 🌹

snitzelvoncrumb · 19/03/2023 06:32

You can change your will and just leave your half to your children. No one needs to know. If all the kids are older you can each just spend time with your own family. You don’t need to step parent anyone. I must ask, is your son taller or more successful than your husband? Maybe your husband feels threatened?

SemperIdem · 20/03/2023 08:33

I don’t think not loving all the grandchildren is the biggest issue here. I’d be surprised if that wasn’t relatively commonplace.

The big issue is definitely his attitude towards your son. To say he doesn’t trust him suggests there are specific reasons why, have there been issues around loaning money or similar? It just seems an odd thing to say.